Ettiquette-ish

LittleMissCutiePie

So, I'm not sure if this is technically "ettiquette" related, but I need some advice.

Backstory:

FI's university roommate was asked to be a GM. Unfortunately, the day after, he was also asked to go to Taiwan to get a job teaching English. He agreed to the Taiwan job because, hey, it's Taiwan. When else would he have an opportunity like that? In all fairness, he said he was so excited, he forgot about the wedding, and that he felt really bad. We understood, and told him there was no need to apologize. We would have him over for dinner when he got back, and he could look at wedding pics. Well, that wasn't good enough for him. He said that he wanted to be there, but we all knew it was impossible (round-trip tickets from Taiwan are crazy expensive!), so we thought of a new plan. He's going to Skype into the ceremony, as a GM, on FI's iPad.

My Questions:

How would you do this? We want him to be walked down the aisle and held up at the front by one of the other GMs. I talked to my brother, and he said he'd be happy to be the "GM Bearer" (lol) in addition to being a GM. I just would like to make this clear to the guests before the ceremony starts, in case they find it thoroughly confusing. Should I just put it in the program? WWYD?

mkrupar

You could always have your officiant mention something in their greeting. Usually they open with something like, "Friends and family we are gathered here today.." Maybe they could start with, "Family, Friends, GM in Taiwan via ipad, we are gathered here today." Or something more creative than that.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cb26798-a2a6-46e9-a7fa-04fabb9962afPost:ce8c9098-6f17-4c1a-947c-c9b75124bbe4">Re: Ettiquette-ish</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think that's workable. The guests won't be able to see him on the screen, and frankly,<strong> it seems a little weird</strong>. Why not Skype him into the reception, and you can exchange good wishes? Any good A/V company can rent you a large screen.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
This. <div>I mean, you can do what you want, but I don't think many people would probably get it.</div>

LittleMissCutiePie

I appreciate the suggestion, Retread, but the entire point of him Skyping in his for him, not us. He wants to see the ceremony, and I want to be able to have him witness it just like he would if he were here. See, I don't care of guests can't see him on the screen. I just care that they understand the gesture.

jessicabessica

I think the weird part is someone holding up an iPad at the front of the ceremony.  Have someone sitting in the front row hold it.  As a guest, it's not that I wouldn't understand or that I would be confused, I would just think it was a little silly and odd.  

You can still list him in the program as a GM, even if he cannot attend.  

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-ish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cb26798-a2a6-46e9-a7fa-04fabb9962afPost:9c7636c0-51dd-460b-b9b9-ce7179148d83">Re: Ettiquette-ish</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate the suggestion, Retread, but the entire point of him Skyping in his for him, not us. He wants to see the ceremony, and I want to be able to have him witness it just like he would if he were here. See, I don't care of guests can't see him on the screen. I just care that they understand the gesture.
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]
Have you asked the venue if they have an option for web-casting. That will be the option that will work best I think.

LittleMissCutiePie

I don't really understand what's so weird, but I suppose that's why I asked for outside perspectives. I appreciate your suggestions and advice. Maybe we will just have someone sitting at the front with the iPad. Thank you.

Melissa603

That's a good point about it being burry if he is walked in. It might be better if someone holds it and just keeps angling it. 

CFM102012

I think its a cute idea.  You may want have him skype in for the rehearsal so you can find the best angles before the ceremony.

Avion22

I think having him attend via Skype is a great idea, but honestly I don't like the idea of him "processing" in via someone carrying an iPad.  

My advice would be to set up an actual webcam at an angle that will allow him to witness the ceremony, and then put a not in a program that he is attending via skype.  If this doesn't work, then an iPad would work, I guess, it just seems weird that you will have someone holding an iPad during the ceremony (I agree this should be someone in the first row so he can get a good view, but that puts a burden on one of your close family members to play videographer during the ceremony....this is why I think an actual webcam would be better).    Also, you'll want to make sure that you get good signal at your ceremony location, or that you can get on wifi.   Then you'll want to make sure that the iPad is silenced so it won't "bing" if an email comes in or whatever.

DEFINITELY check with your officiant to make sure this is okay and see if he/she has any restrictions.  Some churches don't allow photography in the sanctuary, so this could be an issue as well.   

J&K10910

You can solve the internet problem fairly simply (albeit not cheaply) with a wireless internet card if the iPad doesn't have 3g. 

I agree that it's kind of weird, and guests probably won't get it, but like OP said, it's not FOR the guests.   It's for him.  I think it's really sweet that he wants to be there and that OP and her FI are willing to go to the hassle of including him.  Who cares what the guests think?  This doesn't impact their comfort in any way.  And if i was confused enough to ask someone about it, and heard what happened, I'd think it was really sweet.

With that said, I do agree with the issues brought up with him being walked in and held by the wedding party.  I think a spot in the front row is best.  I'd still list him in the program as a GM, and maybe make a note that he'll be there via Skype, for anyone that is confused.  Or not, that part isn't necessary, but could definitely be included.  Good luck figuring it out! 

knmd2012

I would ask someone in the front row to hold the iPad or set it up somewhere with a good view of the ceremony, rather than have someone walk in with an iPad. I've spent some time thinking about this too, since my brother is living in Taiwan also and might not be able to come to the wedding because of visa issues (if students miss more than 11 hours of class in a month, they can be deported). We're still hoping he can get approval from his school to come but it might be tough. I hope it works out well for you! Your groomsman will have an amazing experience in Taiwan, if it makes you feel better. I just got back from there a week ago and it was crazy awesome.

sparent2010

If you want to do this check out the link Cfrb posted. That was the first thing that came to my mind.

 The BM couldn't make it but attended via facetime (is that what it is called?) on the i-Pad. Plus I think the logistics of the i-pad vs laptop and webcam are different.

She was walked down the aisle and was able to witness her friend's union. Might be weird but you guys can work out something to ensure he is part of the day.

michaelandjulie2

Like someone else alluded to, I would have someone who is not family sit in the front row to do this. Maybe a mutual friend of you and the GM who wouldnt mind holding the iPad throught the ceremony. Please do not make a family member do that.

tpender13

I think the iPad idea is nice, but many venues (or sometimes DJs) have the equipment to be able to record the ceremony and stream it online for anyone you'd like to watch. You could always check in w/the GM via Skype during the reception to say hi and fo rhim to say his congrats.

mandctaft

I love the idea of having him on the ipad, but I do agree with some previous posts that, while he can still be a "GM" someone in the front row should hold it so he can see something other than another GM's or Groom's back and your brother wont have to hold it the whole time. or set up a stand off to the side of the GMs so it can rest there.