Wedding Etiquette Forum

how to word this without sounding tacky!

My fiance and i already have a home, and everything in it that we want. We are not registering anywhere because we dont need or want anything. We desperatly need money for some home improvements and savings since we are wanting to start a family right away.

How do we word that in our shower invitations or to people that keep asking us where we are registered?!

Re: how to word this without sounding tacky!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-this-sounding-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cd07982-d691-4600-a3b5-bcde77d21314Post:a7fc7a73-5c56-44df-9882-16b36fef2e13">how to word this without sounding tacky!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and i already have a home, and everything in it that we want. We are not registering anywhere because we dont need or want anything. We desperatly need money for some home improvements and savings since we are wanting to start a family right away. How do we word that in our shower invitations or to people that keep asking us where we are registered?!
    Posted by fallingforgrace[/QUOTE]


    If you want cash, don't let anyone give a shower for you.   The whole point of a shower is boxed gifts.  If people want to give you cash, they will at the wedding.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • If you don't want gifts, don't have a shower. Just decline. You can have a luncheon or other non-gift giving occaision if someone offers to host. THe point of a shower is to give/get gifts, so if you don't want them, don't have a shower.

    If people ask where you are registered, just tell them that you are not registered and their presence is more important to you than a gift. If people want to give a gift, they will. If you don't register, it will more than likely be cash. 
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  • Monetary gifts are inappropriate for a shower.  If you do not want physical gifts, do not have a shower.  It is also completely inappropriate to outright tell people to give you cash.

    If people ask where you are regsitered, respond that you are not, but you are saving for XYZ.   However, some people (me included) like to give physical gifts.  If you are not registered, I would buy you something physical anyway, as I do not like giving money.  I would suggest putting together a small registry so that the physcial gifts you do receive are things you want and like.  Think about small upgrades (new linens, etc.) that would be useful in the house.

  • If you want cash you should probably decline any showers.  They are for physical gifts.  You don't ask for cash anywhere, ever.  You can spread through word of mouth that you're saving up for home improvements and set then set up a tiny registry (or don't have a registry at all).
    image
  • PPs are wise on all accounts.

    I'd make a small registry. There has to be a few things in your house that need an upgrade. Some people will prefer to get a physical gift, and it would be good to help ensure that it will be something useful.
  • <3 this place, love the girls of E......it is the only place on earth, where one can ask the same question 16 ways from Sunday and still get the same response.  Yikers, how many ways can the same question be asked?  Wink
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-this-sounding-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cd07982-d691-4600-a3b5-bcde77d21314Post:7d88c407-a887-4860-a26e-67e4bb55a806">Re: how to word this without sounding tacky!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<3 this place, love the girls of E......it is the only place on earth, where one can ask the same question 16 ways from Sunday and still get the same response.  <strong>Yikers, how many ways can the same question be asked? </strong>
    Posted by ski2play[/QUOTE]


    I've lost count.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • This is where you creat a very small registry (people get their backs up if they can't but a physical gift sometimes), and tell close friends and family that you're saving up for a house, and ask them to please tell any guests that ask what to get you and your FI.  Politely decline any shower offers.
  • It always surprises me that people say they don't need anything, haha. I just can't imagine ever being at a time that I wouldn't want a few more things that I wouldn't buy for myself, especially with a new house!

    Also, if you have a small registry, you will definitely get cash. We had a pretty large registry, and still got lots of cash. No worries OP!
    image
  • All of the above PPs are totally on the ball.  I would only add that you could register at Lowe's or Home Depot.
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  • If you do not want gifts, you should decline a shower.  People generally bring boxed gifts to showers; that is the whole point of them.

    But you should not come out and directly ask for cash.
  • Sydney91Sydney91 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Anything for renovations that you would need as part of the registry. Paint. Tools. Wallpaper. Make your registry work for you. My family has trouble with the idea of creating a Christmas wishlist because that is being too much like a bum (my gran is the head of the house and was old enough to understand what was going on during the Great Depression) and this was their advice (they like to read over my shoulder some days). Instead of asking for money, ask for what that money will be buying. This works if you are doing the renos yourself, but would be trickier if you're hiring contractors. You also mentioned starting a family. Babies are expensive and maybe you could include nursery-type reno items (decorations, furniture, etc) for that. There may be some weird looks and conversations, but my neighbour did this and she was not expecting (her baby was born just after their one year anniversary though). Just some ideas that I don't know are "proper" or not, but just to get people thinking.
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