Wedding Etiquette Forum

agh, thank-you card wording

I know that there have been lots and lots of discussions of this here, and I've read TK's "complete guide to thank-you notes," too, but I'm still struggling with the basic wording, for some reason - in particular for people who sent us cash or gift cards but did not come to the wedding (so I can't say "it was so nice to see you!"). Basically, I just need a sentence or two that doesn't sound fake or tone-deaf to follow up on "thank you so much for the generous gift you sent!" I'm hoping you lovely folks will be able to help me find my inspiration.

One frequent bit of advice is to say what you're going to spend the money on, but I'm not really a fan of that approach - it seems tacky, somehow ("thanks for the AmEx gift card! We will use it to buy groceries!"). It's also sort of odd since of course we don't know precisely what we're going to spend each gift on - some will probably help fill in holes in the registry, some will go into savings.

I prefer the idea of saying something a bit more generic like "it will be a great help to us as we start our new life together!" But that also feels odd to me - among other things since we are older (I'm 36, H is 44) and lived together for a year before we were married, so it's not like we're really starting from scratch here. It just doesn't feel like something I would ever SAY.

So...what *can* I say? What brilliant option am I missing here?
Anniversary

Re: agh, thank-you card wording

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    Something like "Thank you for your generous gift!  We were sorry you could not attend the wedding.  Looking forward to seeing you at Christmas/Thanksgiving/Festivus" should suffice.
  • Are you saving up for anything  - a big trip, new car, new house?  If so, you could say something about what your plans are and how they're gift will help you achieve that.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_agh-thank-you-card-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d6af528-dc06-4230-9e29-b602a5bdc84aPost:3ab927d9-faed-4879-8dd6-b8739909867c">Re: agh, thank-you card wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I ask a question here?  Just a general question.  How do so many people reach adulthood without learning how to write a proper thank you note?  FI had to write one last night because a friend of his who can't make it sent a check.  I had to essentially tell him what to write word for word.  I don't get it. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    I was thinking the same thing.  I mean, there are very few ways to incorrectly write a TY note and so many ways to do it right.    It doesn't have to be the most clever thing in the world.  Say thank you and try not to be too generic by writing the same thing to everyone.   That's all.   TY notes are about the easiest way to avoid being offensive.  Shitt, just sending them is over half the battle.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_agh-thank-you-card-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d6af528-dc06-4230-9e29-b602a5bdc84aPost:3ab927d9-faed-4879-8dd6-b8739909867c">Re: agh, thank-you card wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I ask a question here?  Just a general question.  How do so many people reach adulthood without learning how to write a proper thank you note?  FI had to write one last night because a friend of his who can't make it sent a check.  I had to essentially tell him what to write word for word.  I don't get it. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
    Haha - same thing for my FI - does that when writing/signing any card though... My mom was a stickler for it and she would have be make my own cards when I was little.  I still get writers block. Its a fine line between overly effusive/gushy TYs and the robotic/insincere-sounding kind. I always hate writing the same thing in peoples' thank you notes, like they are all going to get together and compare them and then think I'm not really grateful.
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Honestly at this point I'm just happy when I get a thank you card. It's growing more and more rare.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_agh-thank-you-card-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d6af528-dc06-4230-9e29-b602a5bdc84aPost:3ab927d9-faed-4879-8dd6-b8739909867c">Re: agh, thank-you card wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I ask a question here?  Just a general question.  How do so many people reach adulthood without learning how to write a proper thank you note?  FI had to write one last night because a friend of his who can't make it sent a check.  I had to essentially tell him what to write word for word.  I don't get it. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Well, er, in my defense...it's not that I don't know how to write thank you notes, but the thank you notes I write in my daily life are different. If I write a TY to my grandmother for the nice birthday present, for example, then I'll also include some news about what I've been up to, ask if her sister is feeling better after her illness, or whatever. If I write a TY note in a business context, then there are set things I can say there. Likewise, I'm doing fine with the wedding TYs to good friends whom we saw at the wedding and whom we're hoping to visit once their new baby is born.

    The ones I'm getting hung up on are to people whom we will probably not see anytime soon, with whom we don't have a larger ongoing correspondence - distant relatives, mostly.

    Honestly I'm probably overthinking this.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_agh-thank-you-card-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d6af528-dc06-4230-9e29-b602a5bdc84aPost:3ab927d9-faed-4879-8dd6-b8739909867c">Re: agh, thank-you card wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I ask a question here?  Just a general question.  How do so many people reach adulthood without learning how to write a proper thank you note?  FI had to write one last night because a friend of his who can't make it sent a check.  I had to essentially tell him what to write word for word.  I don't get it. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    We got a thank you from H's younger cousin for his 8th grade graduation.  The front of the card said "thank you" the inside said, pre-printed, "very much", and he signed his name.  His mom wrote a little blurb on the blank side, but that should have been his job, not hers.  I have no doubt he will one day be a groom who has no idea what to write (if they're sent at all).
  • I've never heard of giving gifts for completing 8th grade. Is there a party? Is it a regional thing or a special program?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_agh-thank-you-card-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d6af528-dc06-4230-9e29-b602a5bdc84aPost:659fa2a6-9302-474e-890f-513a3397eaab">Re: agh, thank-you card wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've never heard of giving gifts for completing 8th grade. Is there a party? Is it a regional thing or a special program?
    Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]

    They do 8th grade graduations here, I guess.  Like cap and gown and open house grad parties and everything.  I grew up just an hour from where we live now, granted on the other side of a state line, and I definitely didn't have an 8th grade graduation.  But H did. 

    I think it might be partially b/c I went to elementary, middle, and high school while he went to grammar school and high school?  so since you've spent 9 years there it feels like a bigger deal than 6 and 3?
  • So True! at Christmas FI wanted to type up a nice letter informing everyone about all the goings-on in our lives and just write thank you for your generous gift at the top of it, and print and send it to anyone who gave us a present...it took me 2 days to convince him that this would be a very nice letter to enclose in a Christmas card (minus the thank you sentence) but a completely inappropriate and impersonal way to thank some one for a gift.  He was also shocked when I informed him that wedding thank yous would be a joint effort and he would not simply be signing the notes that I write.

    To answer OP's question, I think that a note saying you missed seeing them at the wedding and little bit about something you might spend the money on (vacation, registry, spa day...) even if you don't spend it on that talking about smething you're planning that requires capital is fine. (putting the money in savings or spending it on groceries opens up other capital you have to spend it on something more exciting).  If you don't see them often a short and simple note is probably all they're expecting, and as PP's have said, they'll appreciate that you made the effort to send the card.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_agh-thank-you-card-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d6af528-dc06-4230-9e29-b602a5bdc84aPost:3ab927d9-faed-4879-8dd6-b8739909867c">Re: agh, thank-you card wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can I ask a question here?  Just a general question.  How do so many people reach adulthood without learning how to write a proper thank you note?  FI had to write one last night because a friend of his who can't make it sent a check.  I had to essentially tell him what to write word for word.  I don't get it. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
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