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Etiquette

Groomsmen problem

This may not be etiquette and may even be just me venting but I have a problem with my FI's groomsmen right now. Let me clarify, lack of groomsmen. The wedding is close, like 6 weeks away. He has asked his best man to be in the wedding, he accepted. I have 1 MOH and 3 bridemaids, all accepted and all but one ticket booked so my side is set. I don't care if they are even numbers or not, he can have who he wants standing by him regardless of numbers.

 The problem is, we live far (Guam) from the states and tix are EXPENSIVE! He really wants his two best friends from the Academy to be in the wedding (who also just happened to both get engaged last year and married this!) but one lives in CA and one lives in FL, well they are stationed there. He asked (like in Jan), they haven't gave definate answers yet.

We offered buddy passes for plane tix and haven't heard back yet still. The biggest problem it sounds like is actually is them gettting leave. The miltary tells you when you can go, it's easier for them bc they are officers to get the dates actually approved but they don't know if they will have enough leave saved up since they are both getting married and need to take time off for their own weddings. All good, understand, not mad.

 FI is irritating me just a tad bc there is one more friend stationed here is planning on asking (he literally sees him everday at work and he lives in our building!) and hasn't yet...what is up with the procrastination dude??? Oh and none of them have to go get tux's bc it is a military wedding where they will be wearing their uniforms.

Here's the thing, how long do I have to wait til I know who is in this wedding? I need to get programs printed, final counts for the rehearsal dinner, etc. Also we accumulated enough miles to offer them free tickets here now, should we tell them or wait to hear something back? I don't want to seem all pushy but I really wanna tell my FI to get an answer man, yes or no but just get one!

Re: Groomsmen problem

  •  I'd just go with what you got on the day of the wedding, however it works out.

    Skip the programs.

    Explain problem to caterer and ask if possible to add a few meals at the end...or bite the bullet and add a few meals.

    No need to stress or add anyone just because. I have 3 BMs, right now, FI has 1 BM and that's it. He might ask 1 more guy.
  • If you do programs, you could just include them as groomsmen whether they are able to attend or not.  Most likely people will understand why some of the groomsmen aren't there knowing you're stationed overseas and such.  

    Or as PP said, just don't have programs and roll with what you've got the day of the wedding.  

    The caterer may be able to add two plates last minute, or you may just have to pay for two extra plates.  Or tell your FI you need a firm yes or no the day before the headcount is due to the caterer.

    Good luck!

  • In Response to Groomsmen problem:
    [QUOTE]This may not be etiquette and may even be just me venting but I have a problem with my FI's groomsmen right now. Let me clarify, lack of groomsmen. The wedding is close, like 6 weeks away. He has asked his best man to be in the wedding, he accepted. I have 1 MOH and 3 bridemaids, all accepted and all but one ticket booked so my side is set. I don't care if they are even numbers or not, he can have who he wants standing by him regardless of numbers.  The problem is, we live far (Guam) from the states and tix are EXPENSIVE! He really wants his two best friends from the Academy to be in the wedding (who also just happened to both get engaged last year and married this!) but one lives in CA and one lives in FL, well they are stationed there. He asked (like in Jan), they haven't gave definate answers yet. We offered buddy passes for plane tix and haven't heard back yet still. The biggest problem it sounds like is actually is them gettting leave. The miltary tells you when you can go, it's easier for them bc they are officers to get the dates actually approved but they don't know if they will have enough leave saved up since they are both getting married and need to take time off for their own weddings. All good, understand, not mad.  FI is irritating me just a tad bc there is one more friend stationed here is planning on asking (he literally sees him everday at work and he lives in our building!) and hasn't yet...what is up with the procrastination dude??? Oh and none of them have to go get tux's bc it is a military wedding where they will be wearing their uniforms. Here's the thing, how long do I have to wait til I know who is in this wedding? I need to get programs printed, final counts for the rehearsal dinner, etc. Also we accumulated enough miles to offer them free tickets here now, should we tell them or wait to hear something back? I don't want to seem all pushy but I really wanna tell my FI to get an answer man, yes or no but just get one!
    Posted by gypsylynn2005[/QUOTE]
    I think if he's really planning on asking, he needs to do it now. As for the other two guys, you're just going to have to roll with it.
    You can have them mentioned in the program either way, but I'd think that they would know a few weeks out (can you just print simple programs up yourself?). If they aren't there, they are still an "honor attendant" or however you want to put it--they just couldn't be here because they are stationed elsewhere. 

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  • My sister's groomsman showed up without pants.  So I mean, you could have bigger problems.

    I think the PP advice is pretty good though.  While I'd LOVE an answer asap as a bride, that's just not possible when you're marrying in the military. 

    As for programs, you may be able to get away with not putting your bridal party on there, if you still want them.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: Groomsmen problem:
    [QUOTE]My sister's groomsman showed up without pants.  So I mean, you could have bigger problems.
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]
    It wouldn't be funny if it happened to me, but since it didn't...... hahahahahahahahaaha!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to Re: Groomsmen problem:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsmen problem : It wouldn't be funny if it happened to me, but since it didn't...... hahahahahahahahaaha!
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    It was ridiculous.  He also didn't have shoes or a cover (his Marine hat) or some his gloves.  How can you travel that far for a wedding and NOT bring clothes to wear?

    Also, Addie, your pictures are beautiful!  Love the venue :)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to Re: Groomsmen problem:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsmen problem : It was ridiculous.  He also didn't have shoes or a cover (his Marine hat) or some his gloves.  How can you travel that far for a wedding and NOT bring clothes to wear? Also, Addie, your pictures are beautiful!  Love the venue :)
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]
    Wow. That is crazy. And thanks!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Hahahaha omg that is awful...but really funny after the fact!!! What did you do!? Yah, its not a huge deal I mean I totally get it and all just a vent I guess. Wish I could go get them and bring them here for FI! He did finally ask, the guy said yes so that's two. I can def wait on the programs...thanks ladies! I understand and all but I think you pinpointed exactly it...I'd really love to know NOW lol. Ah well...
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