Ugh...no wonder we get so many crazy brides here...

jemmini6

Because everywhere tells them to basically be demanding bitches.  I saw this article on cnn.com today "How not to be a bridezilla" (Link).  And yet...they give advice like this:

"And you know all those friends and relatives you have? Use them! Delegate chores to loved ones. Most of the time you'll find they are happy to help."

Seriously?  You are giving advice on how not to be a bridezilla by telling brides to saddle their family and friends with chores!?  Ugh....

ootmother2

haha, that's pretty bad!

I think the only thing M asked her BMs (roommates) for help on was tying ribbon on the programs and menus.  But she did it for them so I guess that doesn't count much.  They did the STDs also.

I'm the "loved one" who stuffed all the wedding invitations. But I guess since we hosted, that wasn't unreasonable at all.

ootmother2

HM in Cabos?  I would kill to be there riight now

acwm

I saw an article in a wedding magazine about how to "include" your out-of-town bridesmaids in the planning. It included having them  track down hard-to-find sheet music and having them make a back-up iPod playlist in case the DJ gets sick. Because your out-of-town bridesmaid is just dying for you to give her some work.

DeadUtopia

I don't think it's wrong to ask (emphasize ASK nicely) a bm if she can help you do something, but delegating chores or expecting anything of them is not the way to go. I know my bm's and if they are bored or have nothing else to do, I know that they won't mind helping me with little wedding things, but I'm not going to demand that they do my bidding whenever I need something and don't want to do it myself.

Shows like 'Bridezillas' probably just make newly planning brides think that they can request the same following that those brides demand from their WPs. Plus there are tons of articles in different magazines that throw ideas out there telling brides to have 'program parties' or get-togethers to fill envelopes. It sort-of implies that this is standard and that brides should expect that level of help from every BM.

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ughno-wonder-many-crazy-brides-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ef1bf75-79f8-4244-abb0-0bff458d4853Post:39346273-e665-4b01-8ec4-d7a055f4782e">Re: Ugh...no wonder we get so many crazy brides here...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh...no wonder we get so many crazy brides here... : I agree that the poor behavior of a lot of brides is influenced by the media. Like the article the OP posted. And I have read about program parties as well. I think it's very rude to expect a BM to help. I think some brides take the term "brides maid " a little too literally. Regarding Bridezillas, I really really hope no bride would think this is acceptable behavior to follow. I mean, it's called Bridezillas for a reason.<strong> I personally won't be asking my BM's to do anything besides buy their dress and come to their own fittings. I have great girls who I'm sure will offer to help, so I may take them up on their offer. But if they don't ask, I'm not going to.</strong>
Posted by SkettiHeadie[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>yessssss</div>

missy68

I demanded my mom, SIL, and aunt fix my hair, my veil, and give me a shoulder massage just before the wedding. They were my wedding bitches.

DeadUtopia

Usually I would agree and think asking would be rude, but to clarify: I have had most of my BM's already ask me if I needed help and one of them even comes over to hear me compare catering estimates. lol I'm lucky to have bm's who heart wedding junk and they would almost be offended if I didn't ask them eventually for something. But when I can tell the interest is just not there (like in the case of my FSIL) I know not to ask but I also don't expect anything so it works out.

peanutty2

I haven't read the article, but I'll add anyway, I can't count how many times I've been told "it's your wedding, your day, you do whatever you want" and I'm like "um, no that's not how it works!".  I think these shows and media just breed this whole "princess mentality".

I chose my bms that are my close friends, so they ask about the wedding and give support because they're my friends first.  And all have offered to help.  But I've been abused as a bm before and I'd never want to be treated that way.  It's that whole "treat others how you'd want to be treated" rule and so many people have forgotten it.

JanoBean75

I was so anti-bridezilla that when one of my BMs offered to help with projects I said no thanks! The only thing aside from standing up for me and wearing the dress they chose that I asked for was to hang out w/ me the night of H's bach (my party was days before), so we could watch movies, eat pizza, and be distracted. H and I have a couple thousand movies, I ordered the pizza and supplied other snacks.

missi739

I had to deal with such a bridezilla last year.  She would get so angry whenever someone couldn't make it to something.  She basically forced an expensive dinner on the WP because they didn't want a bachelor/bachelorette party.  We knew that she would want to do "something" like a bachelorette party so I arranged for my younger sister and my cousin to be our DD's for an evening.  Bridezilla wasn't too fond of this and posted EVERYTHING on facebook.  She eventually booked a limo and let us know that we owed her $45 bucks so basically, she threw her own bachelorette party. 

Needless to say,  I haven't talked to her since January after she RSVP'd "no" via facebook to the 4 weddings she THOUGHT she was going to get invited too.

I am so laid back with my WP that they are all texting me and calling me to ask if I need anything.  I'm so lucky

luvdncn90

Jemmini- This may sound kind of creepy but from what I can see of your engagement pictures they look AMAZING!! I'm dying to see more. I absolutely love your photographers style. Yeah, ok, random, and I'm done now. hahah

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ughno-wonder-many-crazy-brides-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ef1bf75-79f8-4244-abb0-0bff458d4853Post:f93ff9c9-e084-45ab-8db5-3a81e4aa22de">Re: Ugh...no wonder we get so many crazy brides here...</a>:
[QUOTE]I was so anti-bridezilla that when one of my BMs offered to help with projects I said no thanks! The only thing aside from standing up for me and wearing the dress they chose that I asked for was to hang out w/ me the night of H's bach (my party was days before), so we could watch movies, eat pizza, and be distracted. H and I have a couple thousand movies, I ordered the pizza and supplied other snacks.
Posted by JanoBean75[/QUOTE]

<div>I was the same way.  My SIL (my bridesmaid) had to beg me for months for me to give her something to do.  I finally gave in after she quit her job and was dying of boredom at home.  (And H told me she was offended that I kept refusing her help.)  I allowed her to help me tie ribbons through programs while I supplied food. </div>

sklink0486

I have 2 really close friends that also used to be friends...they both got engaged around the same time. One of them talked about having the same color (purple, and not even the same shade or as a primary color), and having their wedding a month or two after the other one's. They got into an argument, over email no less, and aren't friends anymore. It's absolutely ridiculous. Now, BOTH of them are making us buy a pair of shoes even though silver shoes would go with both dresses...

8daysaweek

I noticed last night that this month's Brides magazine had an article called "How to Register for Cash!" It recommended sites depositagift.com without even an acknowledgement of how rude it is.
I was so irritated, I'm considering writing a letter to the editor which I never do.

sdavi084

Maybe its just me, but assigning jobs to the bridal party seems... rude. All my bridesmaids are in college and very busy. I prefer for myself and my FI to do everything anyways.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ughno-wonder-many-crazy-brides-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ef1bf75-79f8-4244-abb0-0bff458d4853Post:b7646d68-bbff-48dc-8a51-0935906804c9">Re: Ugh...no wonder we get so many crazy brides here...</a>:
[QUOTE]Jemmini- This may sound kind of creepy but from what I can see of your engagement pictures they look AMAZING!! I'm dying to see more. I absolutely love your photographers style. Yeah, ok, random, and I'm done now. hahah
Posted by luvdncn90[/QUOTE]

Thanks!  We loved how they turned out and can't wait to see what she'll do with our wedding.    I've been meaning to add some to my planning bio, so if I get around to it soon you can see more there :)

ginnybean17

i *totally* understand not wanting to be thought of as a bridezilla but... if they say yes to being your BM then they should want to help don't you think?? and you should let them help if they do. why do everything yourself if you have your friends/family to help, especially if they want to help??? i wouldn't ask anyone to be a BM if i didn't think they would want to help, or at least listen/be there for me. not that I have much that i need them to help with (no need to tie ribbons on anything... seriously? why???)

but just the fact that they are there for me and would help me with anything(even something that silly) is enough.  i'm sure that I'll need all the help i can get the week of/day of the wedding!!!