No cousins allowed?

corinneferry

We're having a small wedding of around 80 people at a rented vacation home. My fiance and I have made the decision that a good way to cut down on guests would be to not invite our cousins which would consume 1/3 of the  guest list with their kids and spouses. But we've invited all the aunts and uncles. It feels kind of weird but we just don't have room for tons of extended family. My fiance is very adamant about our decision but I'm starting to have second thoughts. I'm worried that they might not understand and we'll make future family gatherings uncomfortable. 

sucrets4

80 isn't that small.  Just saying...

shellydiane820

I think its okay since you have a cut off.  If it was some cousins and not others, that's when people start getting offended.

If its something you think you'd regret later, you really want them there, then I'd pick a new venue.

MeaghanandMichael

Shelly is right. You really need to have a clear cut off and stick too it. Even if you invite just one cousin you are asking for trouble.

jasmineh7777

If all of the cousins are adults, then I think you are fine. If anyone has an issue, just explain that although you would love to have everyone there, it simply is not in your budget.

miss.jawright

I am not inviting any cousins because FI and have step families to invite and family alone is about 75% of the wedding. If cousins were invited it would be only family and no friends invited. I agree with PP that you have to be consistent or trouble could arise. One of my cousins is getting married before me so I m curious to see what example she sets!

katiewhompus

If I invited all of my cousins I would have had to add *grabs a calculator* 36 extra seats. And that's only first cousin and not their kids/spouses.

kimheartsscott

Just first cousins, that adds about.... 75 to our guestlist.  But, we are inviting them because my FI is close with all of his, and it would be weird to not invite mine then.  Probably 70% of that is mine though... ugh.

kristinalily

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3629bd-8ecf-4808-9af2-0b262a3510ddPost:74ce2ecb-115a-4b75-8915-75c3a99105ca">Re: No cousins allowed?</a>:
[QUOTE]80 isn't that small.  Just saying...
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

To me, 80 would be small. I feel like everyone I know has at least 200-300 on their guestlist...and if we weren't doing a "small" family wedding of 85 we would have that many too. So, I think it's fine to have a definite cutoff.

Cassandria

You might want to consider changing your venue to accommodate your cousins.  Things might be "uncomfortable" at family gatherings because they care about you and want to see you get married.  I'd rather lose out on a dream venue than cut people I love from the guest list.

SarahSmile23

we didn't invite cousins...we had a occupancy cap at our venue and together we have 30+ cousins...and it wasn't a problem at all!

jlw559

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3629bd-8ecf-4808-9af2-0b262a3510ddPost:42046d7f-6baa-409c-ae80-bc6fcbd5eadf">Re: No cousins allowed?</a>:
[QUOTE]we didn't invite cousins...we had a occupancy cap at our venue and together we have 30+ cousins...and it wasn't a problem at all!
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]

really random.. but i really like your picture in your sig.

and i agree. have a cap, stick to it.  and make sure no cousins at all otherwise other cousins will get offened.

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-allowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3629bd-8ecf-4808-9af2-0b262a3510ddPost:829e6521-862b-439d-8a19-3181ade983b9">Re: No cousins allowed?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No cousins allowed? : really random.. but i really like your picture in your sig. and i agree. have a cap, stick to it.  and make sure no cousins at all otherwise other cousins will get offened.
Posted by jlw559[/QUOTE]

why thank you! i confess that the blue wall is one of the reasons we booked our venue. ;)

JessAndTrav

I've heard of not inviting cousins before. I just think that as long as you don't have cousins that you're close with, it's fine.

nfguthrie

I'm having 80 people at my wedding and, like some PPs, did not invite cousins because otherwise the wedding would have been all family, no friends.  In my case everyone would have had to travel to get to the wedding and while I'm sure some of them would have done it and enjoyed seeing other family, to be honest, I think they are also probably just as happy not to have to spend the time/money/effort to get themselves and their kids to the wedding (and the college age cousins aren't especially devastated to miss a family event and be able to do whatever they want instead). We have a reasonably close family and I didn't get any static at all about it doing it that way nor, as far as I know, did my parents.

landra310s

Ultimately it is YOUR decision.  HOWEVER, my cousin got married a couple years ago and didn't invite any of the cousins on our side, but did invite cousins on her mother's side.  This caused MAJOR issues, and still has reprocussions.  I am now planning my wedding and even though we have to have a longer engagement to come up with the money to pay for a wedding of 250 guests, I would never not invite my cousins.  However I would like to cut the step cousins that I don't speak too, but have been informed by my mother that is not an option.  So I'm just crossing my fingers they don't come!  The guest list sucks!  And the people who aren't invited and assume they are suck too!  You can't win!

glam70s

We're not inviting cousins.. We're keeping the guest list to 60 people, and if I invited cousins there's not enough room for my friends, who I'm far closer to. We were considering inviting FI's cousins, because he only has two, but we decided not to invite them either.

It's just far more important to me to have my friends there. I spend time with my friends every day and they're the people I hang out with in my spare time. I only see cousins at Christmas and family funerals. It would be silly to invite those people instead of my friends just because they're family.

It will be interesting to see what happens though, since one of my cousins is getting married 3 weeks after me, and they're a very stuck-up kind of family. I know her mother will force her to invite everyone she's ever met. My sister is also getting married 3 months before me, I'm not sure what she's doing, but I'm pretty sure there will not be any cousins there.