Here to help

swimmy1988

I've been lurking the past few days and wanted to say something. I think it fits into this category as it deals with etiquette.

I've been on this site for about 9 months now. I joined around the 1 year til the wedding mark. I still consider myself a newb because I have only started browsing other boards besides the Moms and Maids board I stuck with for the most part. I just noticed there's a lot of drama concerning the "regs", and I honestly don't know why they're catching all that flack.

Heads up to the newbs, the regulars  are here to help. They have been on this site for a while. They might have already been married, but, they know the do's and don'ts of wedding planning. They've been in our position before. As it's been said before, not everyone is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. But this community has a whole lot of other brides/new wives/MOBs/etc that seem to love weddings, so the excitement over weddings is there.

I just hope people realize that not everyone is going to agree with their ideas. The regulars can help to point out if you're going to committ a major wedding faux pas before it happens. That's what we're here for, to bounce ideas off each other.

Maybe rant and get advice. It doesn't mean you necessarily have to take the advice, but it also doesn't mean you have to get personally offended over it. I have made posts in the past that maybe didn't get the response I wanted, but I considered all the responses and moved on. It's the best I could do. No sense in getting my panties in a twist. This is the internet afterall, right?

lovelybride614

well said. thank you

GoofyAssChick

Amen.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_here-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3cfe7e-d27d-4189-af7c-b6f5c564b405Post:9aa49f0a-b438-426a-b7be-cfc3ccd9162b">Here to help</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been lurking the past few days and wanted to say something. I think it fits into this category as it deals with etiquette. I've been on this site for about 9 months now. I joined around the 1 year til the wedding mark. I still consider myself a newb because I have only started browsing other boards besides the Moms and Maids board I stuck with for the most part. I just noticed there's a lot of drama concerning the "regs", and I honestly don't know why they're catching all that flack. Heads up to the newbs, the regulars  are here to help . They have been on this site for a while. <strong>Because some of them have already been married or are deep in their planning, they know the do's and don'ts of wedding planning.</strong> They've been in our position before . As it's been said before, not everyone is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. But this community has a whole lot of other brides/new wives/MOBs/etc that seem to love weddings, so the excitement over weddings is there. I just hope people realize that not everyone is going to agree with their ideas. The regulars can help to point out if you're going to committ a major wedding faux pas before it happens. That's what we're here for, to bounce ideas off each other. Maybe rant and get advice. It doesn't mean you necessarily have to take the advice, but it also doesn't mean you have to get personally offended over it. I have made posts in the past that maybe didn't get the response I wanted, but I considered all the responses and moved on. It's the best I could do. No sense in getting my panties in a twist. This is the internet afterall, right?
Posted by swimmy1988[/QUOTE]

FTFY

and thanks.  It's nice to hear this.

libby2483

This is very nice to hear!

Angelface225

Well said.

nda8414

I come on here every now and then to ask a question or look up a topic, and do find it funny when someone asks a question, doesn't get the answer they were looking for, then proceeds to try to prove their point until their blue in the face.  Very well said - you don't have to take anyone's advice.

Peledreamsofrain

Thank you for posting this.  A lot of the regs like Stage catch a lot of negative flack for just trying to help.  If at least you and some others have their weddings improved by it, then it makes it worth the while.

lyndausvi

::golf clap::

[Deleted User]

lilphillips14

Fully agreed Swimmy, thank you!

kamilovich

As another newbie/lurker, I agree with all of this. I love hearing everyone's advice, even if I didn't originally agree with it. At least ninety five percent of the time I end up agreeing, and its definitely going to make my wedding much better. Plus, the regs are awesome!

Salsera29

OP I'm so glad you posted this! After reading all the drama I wanted to say something like this, but you put it much better than I would have. Ditto everything.

AnitaH08

I'm also a lurker, and I've learned a lot from the honest feedback the regs give. Even if the OPs don't appreciate the honesty, I definitely do!

nda8414

You do have to admit that though some "regs" can be mean and jump on/gang up on people for asking questions and/or having differing opinions from others. Just sayin

missfrodo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_here-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3cfe7e-d27d-4189-af7c-b6f5c564b405Post:82f9e7ea-db59-4e9b-9d29-6d2527eeecaf">Re: Here to help</a>:
[QUOTE]You do have to admit that though some "regs" can be mean and jump on/gang up on people for asking questions and/or having differing opinions from others. Just sayin
Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Usually when I see people "gang up" on a poster, it's because the poster isn't listening, so additional people chime in with the same sentiment and then the OP freaks out whines about people being mean old married hags.  Regs can also get snarky if they're responding to essentially the same question for the 1000th time, when a little lurking would provide OP with an answer just a few posts down.  But the regs I know will offer real, honest feedback, and that's why I keep coming back to TK.</div>

nda8414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_here-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3cfe7e-d27d-4189-af7c-b6f5c564b405Post:d63073c1-1721-4f6a-a46f-3e46544ab431">Re: Here to help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Here to help : Usually when I see people "gang up" on a poster, it's because the poster isn't listening, so additional people chime in with the same sentiment and then the OP freaks out whines about people being mean old married hags.  <strong>Regs can also get snarky if they're responding to essentially the same question for the 1000th time, when a little lurking would provide OP with an answer just a few posts down.</strong>  But the regs I know will offer real, honest feedback, and that's why I keep coming back to TK.
Posted by missfrodo[/QUOTE]

If a "reg" is tired of responding to a question for the 1000th time, why respond at all? I agree with you that it's ridiculous when the OP comes on here, asks for advice, then freaks out when they don't hear what they want to hear...I'm just saying that sometimes when people come on here to ask a simple question, the "regs" sometimes jump down someone's throat immediately, and I just don't think it's necessary, that's all.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_here-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3cfe7e-d27d-4189-af7c-b6f5c564b405Post:bfc844a5-ba3e-4063-9b74-d1726fedd6a5">Re: Here to help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Here to help : If a "reg" is tired of responding to a question for the 1000th time, why respond at all? I agree with you that it's ridiculous when the OP comes on here, asks for advice, then freaks out when they don't hear what they want to hear...I'm just saying that sometimes when people come on here to ask a simple question, the "regs" sometimes jump down someone's throat immediately, and I just don't think it's necessary, that's all.
Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, but if newbies would simply do any of the following: read the stickies at the top of the pages, use the search feature, look at the first page of threads, chances are they will see a thread that pertains to their question and they won't have to ask it... again. That leaves them more time to jump in on a GTKY thread, or you know, participate in the community.

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Salsera29

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_here-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3cfe7e-d27d-4189-af7c-b6f5c564b405Post:bfc844a5-ba3e-4063-9b74-d1726fedd6a5">Re: Here to help</a>:
[QUOTE]In R<strong>esponse to Re: Here to help : If a "reg" is tired of responding to a question for the 1000th time, why respond at all?</strong> I agree with you that it's ridiculous when the OP comes on here, asks for advice, then freaks out when they don't hear what they want to hear...I'm just saying that sometimes when people come on here to ask a simple question, the "regs" sometimes jump down someone's throat immediately, and I just don't think it's necessary, that's all.
Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't think answering the same question is the problem. I think  the problem is that when someone posts a question that was answered 2 threads down, it send the message that the OP wants people to spend time reading and answering HER post, but can't be bothered to spend 5 minutes reading others' posts. It comes off as a little selfish and entitled. So the regs respond because they do want to help, but it might be a little snarky. 

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GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_here-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f3cfe7e-d27d-4189-af7c-b6f5c564b405Post:89500369-bf70-4aae-8ba2-ecdcb9dd573f">Re: Here to help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Here to help : I don't think answering the same question is the problem. I think  the problem is that when someone posts a question that was answered 2 threads down, it send the message that the OP wants people to spend time reading and answering HER post, but can't be bothered to spend 5 minutes reading others' posts. It comes off as a little selfish and entitled. So the regs respond because they do want to help, but it might be a little snarky. 
Posted by Salsera29[/QUOTE]

Or this immediately implies that yet another person is convinced that she is that special snowflake to whom the usual answers do not apply.  When I see this I usually post a link to the thread a couple down and as a result have a  newbie screaming that I'm a mean horrible person and that if I'd read her post, I'd know it's not the same situation.  No snowflake, it is the exact same situation.

The only threads where I see the snark come out immediately are the "Vote for meeeee" posts usually followed up by someone with 1 post to her name lecturing everyone that this site is supposed to support brides and if you won't vote for her then don't say anything at all.