Does this seem odd/rude?

ajmom2two

Ok...maybe this is bugging me more bc they RSVP'd "No" to our wedding but I think its odd either way...

We got a postcard in the mail today inviting us to a "barn party" to celebrate this couples wedding.  The wedding took place on June 1 in Omaha, where I live.  We were not invited.  This post wedding party is July 28, 2 weeks after our wedding, almost 2 months after their wedding.  Its 4 hours away so we would have to stay at a hotel for the night and find someone to watch our 2 kids over night.  I just think its odd that we werent invited to the "real" wedding and reception in the city where we live, only to this second reception 4 hours away.  It makes me not want to go.  

Bkseller13

It seems odd, rude, strange, and gift grabby.  I think you need to remember that you need to wash your hair that weekend.

NicoleSahara

Maybe they just felt obligated to invite you since they received an invitation to your wedding. It does seem strange, and I wouldn't drive 4 hrs for a wedding reception when I hadn't been invited to the wedding.

aragx6

How many people were at their ceremony?

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seem-oddrude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f622269-ba7e-403e-ba6c-1668fbf3cef2Post:71aa2d57-9c3f-4da6-8146-b4af2b681c43">Re: Does this seem odd/rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe they just felt obligated to invite you since they received an invitation to your wedding. It does seem strange, and I wouldn't drive 4 hrs for a wedding reception when I hadn't been invited to the wedding.
Posted by NicoleSahara[/QUOTE]

^this
Are there any unusual circumstances here?

Then I'll answer

MyUserName1

Its odd.  And, unless they had a private ceremony, rude too.

ajmom2two

FI said it was a smaller wedding, under 100 guests, for the wedding and reception. The guys at the Fire Department are really close and always invite at least the guys from their crew night.  Thats why they were invited to ours.  I am not sure what you mean by special cicumstances?

ahhhitsshannyn

Why would they have it four hours away? I mean I pretty much hate all AHR's or re-receptions, but it's not like the couple lives halfway across the world and people couldn't travel to the wedding or anything.

monkeysip

And this is exactly why you don't plan weird receptions like this that take place months after the wedding and include people who were never invited.

It's totally up to you, OP.  If you actually wanted to go, then go.  But don't feel obligated at all.

achiduck

I wouldn't go.

brilibby4

I agree with PPs.  I think it is odd and I wouldn't go.

ajmom2two

I dont want to go so I am going to tell FI if he wants to go he can (if he really wants me to go I will) and he can take a very nice card.  

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seem-oddrude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f622269-ba7e-403e-ba6c-1668fbf3cef2Post:b2468841-a1d5-4777-857b-a85cdfa686ae">Re: Does this seem odd/rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI said it was a smaller wedding, under 100 guests, for the wedding and reception. The guys at the Fire Department are really close and always invite at least the guys from their crew night.  Thats why they were invited to ours.  I am not sure what you mean by special cicumstances?
Posted by ajmom2two[/QUOTE]

I know that is is considered acceptable to invite people to an at home reception after a destination wedding, but generally only the people who received an invitation to the wedding even if they didn't attend the wedding (actually, I think that's kind of the point - for the people who were invited to the wedding but couldn't make it), or invite people to a reception after a very small wedding. Like only immediate family at the wedding kind of small. Not just "less than 100 people" kind of small. Not sure if there are any other generally accepted cases, but this one just seems strange. It very well could be that they felt they had to invite you because of the invitation to your wedding, but I don't get why they're doing it in the first place.

Ultimately, etiquette should determine whether or not you go. Right or wrong, if you want to go, go. If you don't want to, don't feel obligated.

But, yeah, I think it's at least odd, if not rude.

ETA - didn't see your last post. Good plan.

Cortney1982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seem-oddrude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f622269-ba7e-403e-ba6c-1668fbf3cef2Post:2061f62e-5e6a-4e9d-b378-9ec4c50e36d0">Re: Does this seem odd/rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont want to go so I am going to tell FI if he wants to go he can (if he really wants me to go I will) and he can take a very nice card.  
Posted by ajmom2two[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't give them a card.  They already had a reception.  Looks like they are out for gifts/money from people that weren't invited to the wedding or a second chance for people who were invited the first go and didn't give a gift.

ootmother2

I agree, it's rude as they already had a reception for the guests attending the wedding itself

endlessocean

I think it's a forgivable faux pas because as someone who is having a "small" (50) person wedding - there are perhaps another 30 people I care about but I get 25 spots for my side and half of those are family. So it's family, bridesmaids and their spouses - that's it.  A second gathering in another state may happen to meet others that were not invited. Some people in this state were invited and are flying in. But the second reception is to just let people meet the new addition to the family and gifts are absolutely not expected in any way shape or form - no money - nothing - this is like a "open house" type of thing.  I think your friends are not close enough for you to have made the first group (and who knows, maybe most of the party is family - some families are very large) but since you invited them they wanted to let you come and share in the party if you like. 

It's so funny - only weddings can throw poeple into a tailspin for BEING invited. I get it - but I say forgive and go have fun!  It could be a blast!  A romantic roadtrip that includes a barndance?  sign me up!

jodies68131

Hey OP - I am from Omaha too! Personally I think this situation is odd and slightly rude if they are expecting gifts.  I guess my thought is, if you can find a sitter and want a night out, maybe enjoy a short little get-away.  If you can't, I wouldn't feel bad about it in the slightest and I would send my FI if he feels obligated because it is a work friend.

Knittibell

I agree it's odd, and I wouldn't go. The only time I went to a reception after the fact was a friend of Fi's who went to Italy and got married, just the two of them, then they had a party in San Fran, which we traveled to after the fact. But NO ONE was at the wedding, and the after party was close friends/family, they specifically said no gifts, please, and it was a nice, relaxing night.

This seems odd because while under 100 is a smaller wedding, it's most definitely a wedding. They already had their wedding, and the party celebrating their wedding, so I really am not sure why they need another party? I agree, it's weird. I'd skip it.

shannyb41

I think its a little odd and rude.  I wouldn't go..especially if it's going to be a hassle (hotel room and babysitter).

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_does-this-seem-oddrude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6f622269-ba7e-403e-ba6c-1668fbf3cef2Post:2a2186ca-1380-4820-9235-e75126dda492">Re: Does this seem odd/rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems odd, rude, strange, and gift grabby.<strong>  I think you need to remember that you need to wash your hair that weekend.</strong>
Posted by Bkseller13[/QUOTE]

Perfect response! 

Very gift grabby sounding to me too.  Also very rude.