Bridal Shower Invite Etiquette - Who makes the cut?

jillianfrancie

Under every other circumstance, my future mother-in-law and I get along beautifully.  She's very to-the-point, but once I got used to this, I realized that she's not trying to be mean, she's just very blunt.

The problem came when she wanted to make sure that her sisters and some of her close friends were invited to the Bridal Shower, some simply because they would be in the area at the time.  (A little back story: my fiance and I are from different states, and we're having the wedding in my home state which is where we met.)  Because we're all flying from out of town, we're having the Bridal shower only a week before the wedding.

Is it required that I include them?  Because she's made it quite clear that I would upset them if I didn't, however I sort of feel that it's not really her decision.  No, I'm not a bridezilla, but if I include everyone on her list + mine we'll have well over 35 guests and I was hoping for a more intimate shower, not to mention that I certainly don't want these new additions to feel obligated to provide gifts, regardless of their ability to attend.

What to do?

Annie_Warbucks

You shouldn't be planning the shower. Let her invite who she wants, especially if she is TELLING you they will be hurt if you don't. 

AmoroAgain

*waits for slew of "You aren't supposed to throw your own shower" to die down*

My mom threw a shower for me, and invited a lot of people who weren't attending the wedding.  Even after I told her I wasn't comfortable, she insisted upon inviting these people.  *shrug*  At the end of the day, you can only say that you don't want them to attend, while realizing that your powers of controlling this are practically nil.

Stackeye210

Who is throwing the shower for you?

Also, why would you not want your FI's aunts invited to your shower?  I think it'd be nice to include them, they are going to be your family. 

MyNameIsNot

Who is hosting the shower?  How many people has that person told you they can accommodate?

If it's less than that, say "sorry FMIL, but X says she can really only afford to host 30 people, and this is just too many."  If FMIL is hosting, you're stuck.  

Are these people invited to the wedding?  If not, there's an out there, too.

#1Mommy

I would just let her know that you wanted your shower to be intimate and with your close friends/family. You only get one shower, so I wouldn't do something just to please someone else especially when it goes against your wishes.

Annie_Warbucks

Your wedding is in alaska? So these aunts/friends will be travelling to Alaska for your wedding, will be there when you plan on having the shower, and you want to not invite them? 

tenofcups4me

It's the norm in my crowd to invite close relatives and friends of the bride and groom's parents to the shower. Is it really that terrible if she invites them? Hardly seems worth a fight to me.

Crissyo

I agree with a lot  of PP...it is really up to the person throwing the shower who is invited.
I have also learned that the mother in law and mother...while it isn't their wedding...it is not worth upsetting them, it really isn't.  In all actuality, it is their day too...their children are getting married!

lynds230

Hmm...I was helping my MOH with the guest list for the bridal shower, and I did include all my FI's family to be invited to the shower as well. I figured that was the norm. I will have about 35 invited total also, but think the more the merrier -- it's great to bring families together prior to the wedding, IMO. What would be the harm in including everyone, besides having more people than you initially thought you would?