So.... I know that you shouldn't invite anyone to the bridal shower who is not invited to the wedding, because they are expected to bring a gift to the shower. unfortunately, I didn't even think I was having a bridal shower because I'm a bit of a non-traditional bride and am not really into all of that hoopla. however, my sister decided to throw me one by surprise and invited someone who is not invited to the wedding.
I am having a very small wedding [about 30 guests] with mostly just immediate family and closest friends. Also, I live 3000 miles away from all of my family, which is one of the reasons we decided to have such a small wedding. My mom thankfully informed the family members who thought they were invited, that they weren't invited because it is going to be very small. One aunt and her family in particular assumed that they would be invited, but my mom set them straight very politely of course [this was like 8 months ago]. Well... then my sister invited said aunt and aunt's daughters to the shower. And of course they brought a gift. I am very unsure of what to do in this situation. No one acted weird about it during the shower... and my family is not all that traditional and perhaps no one even knows that this is bad etiquette except for me. So maybe it's not even a big deal to them.. not sure. My mom said that my aunt is probably relieved that she is not invited because she doesn't have to try to figure out a way to take her whole family on a vacation across the country.
Anyhow, so do I just send a thank-you note that says "thanks for the gift etc." or do I send a thank-you note that also says that I'm sorry we're having such a small wedding and wont' be able to see her and her family etc...??? Or do I now invite her to the wedding? inviting her seems like a terrible idea since she's already been told that she is not invited and never got sent a save-the-date....