Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding...

futuremrslmv

So, I know it's okay to tell people no when they take it upon themselves to add guests to their RSVP, but...  Here's my situation.

I specifically chose a destination wedding (Caribbean) to keep things simple and have minimal stress.  The plan was ONLY our parents and wedding party (8 plus us).  But, we're having a large reception when we get back and inviting everyone.  Now, wedding party members who were single when invited are planning on bringing significant others (who we've never met, BTW).  I understand we're going to the Caribbean and it's an expensive trip and a vacation too.  At the same time, I don't want the headaches of having more people, especially ones we've never met.  And the ones bringing significant others tend to cause issues when trying to impress a significant other, if you know what I mean.  What should I do?

1) Brush it off and say oh well
2) Say they can come on the trip, but not to the wedding itself
3) Say I'd rather only have the invitees only there
4) Other suggestions???

I just don't want any extra stress or headaches, but I don't want to be a bridezilla either!  And I have to figure out how to explain to my grandma why she's not invited but someone we've never met is there

Thanks for the advice!

danieliza1127

I would definitely let my wedding party bring dates to the Caribbean, and I can understand why they would want to. 

Can you just tell them that you want the actual wedding ceremony to be only the 8 of them, no dates, and then everyone can meet up, dates included, after the ceremony?  I don't see a problem with that.

[Deleted User]

Destination wedding = vacation for guests. I would let them bring their SO.
NOt sure why Grandma isn't coming but if she needs TLC b/c of her health it's understandable, but these people are adults and if you had a local wedding with reception you would have invited them with guests, correct?

pinkpinot

I'm getting married in the Caribbean too.  I extended the "and guest" to everyone because, come on, traveling alone to a destination wedding someplace tropical would suck.  If you can, you should let the wedding party bring a guest. 

waltzingmatilda13

I can see why they want them there. Let them bring their guests (not that you could really stop them from traveling) just let them know that you want a very small, intimate wedding.

kebmtm071605

If they are significant others, you need to invite them.  And even if they aren't in a relationship, it would be nice to still allow them a guest if they wish to bring one.  That is a long way to travel and an expensive trip to put too many restrictions on your closest friends.

Oh...and just invite your grandmother too.

NuggetBrain

I'm wondering why grandma wasn't invited but your friends were.  I think it's safe to say that usually grandparents, siblings and parents are on the short list for automatic invites to your wedding, unless there is some kind of personal issue there or they are too ill to travel.  I know if I had to pick between my grandma and even my BFF, I'd have to pick my grandma. 

Also, because she'd probably slip crushed glass into my green beans during our next dinner over if I didn't invite her.

Julz629

Brush it off and say oh well.

These people are taking time off work and spending hundreds of dollars (if not more) to attend your wedding.  If they want to bring a significant other to enjoy their vacation with, they should be more than welcome to.  Also, I disagree with Dani about maybe not letting these people attend the ceremony -- if they travelled that far, it would be like a slap in the face to not let them watch you get married.

Celles

Even if you were my best friend in the entire world, I would feel uncomfortable and a little lonely traveling alone to the Caribbean. 

You're asking the members of your wedding party to spend a lot of money on travel and accommodations, not to mention the time off work and away from their families and other loved ones.  The very least you can do is welcome their significant others.

Also, if I were Grandma, I'd be really hurt.  Why can't you invite her and let her decide for herself if she can make the trip? 

heyimbren

You have 10 months before your wedding, yes? In those 10 months do you think that you'll never end up meeting these SOs? I understand you may not know them now, but things can change over time. And it is a vacation for your guests as well. So, while your focus is on the DW, they're focus is on "we have a wedding one day, and a vacation for the rest! hurray, let's go SO!"

Also, to echo PP is there a reason you're not inviting grandma? (such as health issues)

[Deleted User]

LMV- is Grandma sick? Or is she handicapped in a way that would require too much attention from you parents that you would be looking for at your wedding/ want your parents to have a break from taking care of her? I can totally understand you if thats the case because I've been there with my grandparents and it was very difficult to travel with them.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everyone-wants-bring-guest-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da2294-960d-4219-8b9e-962edac4f177Post:b95845cd-ae6c-4de9-b879-e90c42d42524">Re: Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, I disagree with Dani about maybe not letting these people attend the ceremony -- if they travelled that far, it would be like a slap in the face to not let them watch you get married.
Posted by jholbel[/QUOTE]

I definitely see your point, but to be fair, those "guests" aren't really coming to see the wedding and they don't even know the bride or groom.  They're coming as dates and for a vacation. 

If it were me, I would of course let everyone come to the ceremony, but it sounds like the whole reason she chose a DW was have an intimate ceremony, so I see nothing wrong with having the dates she doesn't even know skip the short ceremony.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everyone-wants-bring-guest-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da2294-960d-4219-8b9e-962edac4f177Post:423a0d54-5dd7-4915-8c06-0f2d3d91a9e6">Re: Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Destination wedding = vacation for guests. I would let them bring their SO. NOt sure why Grandma isn't coming but if she needs TLC b/c of her health it's understandable, but these people are adults and if you had a local wedding with reception you would have invited them with guests, correct?
Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]

Uh, how do you know she even had grandparents? Mine aren't coming to my wedding because they're dead.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everyone-wants-bring-guest-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da2294-960d-4219-8b9e-962edac4f177Post:9c6d1aa0-2555-4fef-a147-9ba0206313d0">Re: Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding... : Uh, how do you know she even had grandparents? Mine aren't coming to my wedding because they're dead.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Last paragraph of the OP.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Whoops, just read that.

Yeah, OP, I would invite grandma. My FI's grandmother is invited, even though she's 99 and in an assisted living facility 1500 miles away, and therefore not coming to the wedding. However it would certainly cause huge family issues if she didn't even get an invitation. (We have 3 other relatives in their 90s in the same situation. One is my mom's great aunt who sent me a lovely handwritten note thanking me for the invitation.)

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everyone-wants-bring-guest-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da2294-960d-4219-8b9e-962edac4f177Post:b788c962-c69d-419b-9ab4-9b0f2152eda8">Re: Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]If they are significant others, you need to invite them.  And even if they aren't in a relationship, it would be nice to still allow them a guest if they wish to bring one.  That is a long way to travel and an expensive trip to put too many restrictions on your closest friends. Oh...and just invite your grandmother too.
Posted by kebmtm071605[/QUOTE]

This.

breezerb

I was at a destination wedding (as a date) this past February and have been to couple of them before. In my experience although you want your small and intimate wedding, they are about as close to that a wedding is in a public park.  By going to a destination your resort will be filled with other tourists who want to "watch" your special day.  Although the staff did their best to keep people at bay, we were pretty much surrounded at a distance. 

IMHO I think it would be unfair to expect your WP to travel and vacation alone and it would be cute and still intimate if you simply had them set up a couple nice chairs to have your extended guests. 

LuluP82

Agreed with everyone else. It's really, really not okay, IMO, to ask anyone to travel to your wedding and not give them the option to bring a guest.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everyone-wants-bring-guest-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da2294-960d-4219-8b9e-962edac4f177Post:28d87bf8-7e04-4101-aadf-886fd197c4fd">Re: Everyone wants to bring a guest to our destination wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Whoops, just read that. Yeah, OP, I would invite grandma. My FI's grandmother is invited, even though she's 99 and in an assisted living facility 1500 miles away, and therefore not coming to the wedding. However it would certainly cause huge family issues if she didn't even get an invitation. (We have 3 other relatives in their 90s in the same situation. One is my mom's great aunt who sent me a lovely handwritten note thanking me for the invitation.)
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

This. My mom had MS and was in a nursing home for the last 15 years of her life. My Aunt never sent her an invitation to her son's wedding because she figured she wouldn't be able to travel. She was right, she wasn't, but not even sending an invitation was rude (all my mom's other sisters were invited). So, even if Grandma can't travel. I'm sure she'd like an invite. I would love for OP to come back and let us know why Grandma isn't invited.

frenchy730

The way I see it, your WP is sacraficing time from their daily work/life schedules and probably spending more than they would had your wedding been at home, just to make your wedding day special for you.  Be flexible with them.  If they want to bring someone with them to share the experience of another country with them, it's not a big deal.

 The guests don't have to pose in group photos with you, if you are afraid of other people seeing and asking why they weren't invited.

futuremrslmv

Yes, Grandma requires assistance and medical attention, and my parents would spend their vacation taking care of Grandma instead of galavanting and enjoying.  I've already told Grandma it's just the parents and wedding party, and she was okay with not having to travel.  It just makes it awkward now, after the fact, that these random people will be there.  I realistically couldn't tell the WP they can't bring someone anyway (I'm not that mean ), and it makes sense.  I completely understand why people don't want to come alone, so I'll just forget about it and hope we don't have any issues.  Thanks for the advice.

PS - No one is getting a formal invitation to the wedding itself.  Invitations are only being sent for the reception (almost as if it was the wedding).

heyimbren

I think your grandma will be understanding then. If she's not able to make the trip, that's a legitimate reason but I do think she would understand why these others would come along.