two thank you notes?

kayd11

Hi, lurker here!

I looked at the FAQ and did a quick search of the boards and couldn't find the answer to my question so...

Most of our wedding guests are traveling pretty far to attend our ceremony/reception.  Therefore, I definitely plan to write a personal "thanks for attending" note to everyone regardless if they give a gift.  FI and I have started to get a few gifts in the mail, and we've promptly been sending thank you notes.

I am wondering if we receive a gift, send a TY, and then said gift giver comes to the wedding, do we write another TY acknowledging their attendance?  I'm truly grateful that our families our willing to travel, so I feel like I want to send a second TY.

What's the "norm" on this?  If you do send a second TY, do you mentioned the gift they sent via mail (even though you've already thanked them for it once)?

Hopefully that made sense! TIA

jaycee7389

there is no harm in sending two thank yous, however most people view the reception as your "thank you" for attending the wedding.

McKenna2012

That sounds like a lot of extra work!

GeauxTigers17

Miss Manners actually says not to send thank you notes for anything that isn't a physical gift, because you run the risk of the note looking like a "reminder" to send a gift. 

I'd send thank you notes for gifts asap - it lets the giver know that the gift got there safely. 

If you are really determined to thank them for their attendance as well, then I would send a second note to those who you write notes to before the wedding, and combine the potential dual note for notes you write after the wedding. I realize how complicated that sounds, but it's the only thing that makes sense to me logically.

kayd11

Thanks for your input everyone.  I never realized sending a thank you note for attendance could be seen as a "reminder" to send a gift.  Hmm! I'm glad you pointed that out.

bmoruzzi

I would think that most people who send you a wedding gift before hand are not planning on attending the wedding which therefore would not require a second thank you since they wouldn't be there.  

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da5d9e-8561-4ea4-aa3d-122b6d7ea498Post:70c14962-55ef-4125-aa25-f63bd868c33a">Re: two thank you notes?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would think that most people who send you a wedding gift before hand are not planning on attending the wedding which therefore would not require a second thank you since they wouldn't be there.  
Posted by bmoruzzi@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

<div>Really? I wouldn't assume this at all. They may just be sending the gift ahead of time because it's technically improper to bring it to the wedding. Plus, a guest may not want to travel with the gift, so I think it makes perfect sense to send a gift ahead of making the trip to the wedding.  </div>

Milsey32

I don't seem the harm in sending a second TY and I definitely woud not see it as a reminder - I would love if I traveled OOT and received a TY for attending note (well, even if I didn't come from OOT it would be nice) because it seems like "Hey! You noticed I took time to come visit and be with you on your special day even though you were obviously very busy. Wow, I feel appreciated!" ... I would not think of it as a reminder at all. Either way, I think you'd be fine. [: 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-thank-notes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70da5d9e-8561-4ea4-aa3d-122b6d7ea498Post:70c14962-55ef-4125-aa25-f63bd868c33a">Re: two thank you notes?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would think that most people who send you a wedding gift before hand are not planning on attending the wedding which therefore would not require a second thank you since they wouldn't be there.  
Posted by bmoruzzi@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

In our case this is not true at all....  and I don't think it would be in most cases. It is not polite to bring a physical gift to a wedding...not that peopel don't do it, but it's so much easier if they ship it to your house!

mica178

I didn't send TYs for people attending.  If they sent the gift before the wedding, I sent them a note thanking them for the gift and telling them that I looked forward to seeing them at the wedding.  Then I thanked everyone in person at the wedding for being there.

However, if you already plan on sending a TY to everyone for attending, then it's fine to send two thank you notes -- one right after you receive the gift, the other after you return from the HM.

brookelynpaisley

In your situation, I sent a thank you for the gift and then said that we looked forward to seeing them at the wedding (if they're coming, obviously). I don't think people would expect to get a "thanks for coming" note after when you've already thanked them for the gift.