Maid of Honor Issues

lorelee8505

As I'm planning my wedding, my MOH (best friend of 10 years) is making things rather difficult. She tries to overrules what I find acceptable and thinks that my and my fiance's day is all about her. She wants to wear 4 in stilletos and dresses that I find unacceptable due to conservativeness of my guests. I do not want her wearing heels over 2 inches and I should have the last say in the dresses due to conservativeness. When I try to talk about things that we need to do, she changes the subject to her and her new boyfriend. Please help me on how to addres this without causing a rift.

Viczaesar

Stop talking about the wedding with her, and stop trying to control the height of her shoes. 

Is your issue with the dresses "due to conservativeness" related to the location of the weding (e.g. if it's in a church with a dress code)?  What guidelines have you given your bridesmaids exactly?

jerzmom114

I agree with Viczaesar. Do you talk about other things besides your wedding with her? Maybe she is tired of constant wedding talk . And if you are talking to her constantly about " things we need to do" ...does that mean you and her, or you and your FI? Because she has no obligations technically but to buy the designated dress and show up the day of the wedding.
About the shoes, are you buying them for her or is she buying them? If she is buying them I say let her wear what she wants and is comfortable in. (if she is your friend and you love her, wouldn't you want to let her wear...and pay for...something she loves? )
And the dress... if you are worried about her looking a little sexier then your family is ok with, pick a dress and tell her thats the one. (that you def. should have final say in).

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE] Because she has no obligations technically but to buy the designated dress and show up the day of the wedding. ...And the dress... if you are worried about her looking a little sexier then your family is ok with, pick a dress and tell her thats the one. (that you def. should have final say in).
Posted by jerzmom114[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>These.  If she's in a more modest dress, the shoes are probably not worth the fight, but if you have the budget, you can buy all your bridesmaids' shoes.  And if she tries to take charge of everything, it's time to cut her out of the planning for all but the BM essentials.

</div>

Pjb1211

If you don't like the dress she's choosing, don't let her choose. I personally don't like the idea of forcing people to wear a specific pair of shoes just because people have different levels of comfort, but it's still up to you. My MOHs are my two sisters and there are no bridesmaids. We all went together and picked what we liked but they or I never felt like it was the MOH's decision. We went with things they liked, but in the end they wanted to choose what I liked best. It was probably a lot easier because none of the three of us were bossy whatsoever, but if your MOH is trying to take over and thinks she gets to pick the dress, just don't let her pick. Bottom line is it's your deicision. The shoes...I'm not as sure on...but I do see your point. Can you compromise to 3 in.?

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:711a4fa8-4f7e-4e43-91c1-7b020b446dffPost:a3222ab7-80d0-418b-8f32-2f61bc07449d">Maid of Honor Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]As I'm planning my wedding, my MOH (best friend of 10 years) is making things rather difficult. She tries to overrules what I find acceptable and thinks that my and my fiance's day is all about her. She wants to wear 4 in stilletos and dresses that I find unacceptable due to conservativeness of my guests. I do not want her wearing heels over 2 inches and I should have the last say in the dresses due to conservativeness. <strong>When I try to talk about things that we need to do,</strong> she changes the subject to her and her new boyfriend. Please help me on how to addres this without causing a rift.
Posted by lorelee8505[/QUOTE]

<div>What things are you speaking of here?  The only thing she's required to do is to show up in appropriate clothing, sober.</div><div>
</div><div>Though, as far as the dress goes, if it comes to it, you can pick a couple of syles and have her pick between them.</div><div>
</div><div>As far as the shoes, unless you're buying the shoes for her, you can't really dictate which one's she's wearing.  And honestly, you probably won't even notice it at the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>I would also try to limit wedding talk with her, although it will be hard.</div>

bbuckner984

What PP said... pick the dress or give her a choice of X number of dresses that fit your requirements. And if you don't like her shoes- buy "acceptable" ones for her if you can fit it into your budget. Her dogs will be barking after a long night in 4" stilettos anyway.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:711a4fa8-4f7e-4e43-91c1-7b020b446dffPost:e5085a3e-64fd-4707-b351-c689789694db">Re: Maid of Honor Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Stop talking about the wedding with her, and stop trying to control the height of her shoes. </strong> Is your issue with the dresses "due to conservativeness" related to the location of the weding (e.g. if it's in a church with a dress code)?  What guidelines have you given your bridesmaids exactly?
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

This. I'm not understanding the issue with the shoes.

Habs2Hart

Really?  You're concerned that 2" difference in heals will push conservative into slutty? 
It's the style of the shoe, not the height of the shoe that makes a shoe slutty or not.

If you want to dictate her shoes, you buy them for her.  Simple as that.  Otherwise, back off.  You will get no sympathy here.

You can pick her dress for her.  Problem solved.  If you want to be a nice bride, pick a few styles and let her pick her favourite of the ones you chose.

Your MOH isn't here to get things done, she's here to be your friend.  Treat her like one and you won't have any problems. 

banana468

I have to echo Habs here.  Two inches doesn't make a difference.  I'm wearing 3 inch heels at my desk as I type this and they're definitely not venturing into the slutty territory.

bakerie

I would let the shoe thing go. As for the dress, just pick one in her budget and tell her "This is the dress".

AmethystMSU

PPs are spot on with suggestions. I would also suggest choosing a floor length dress if you are so concerned about heel height, as that would help hide the height of her heel.

fluttaby32

make sure she knows how you feel. she should take you seriously. I agree with PPs about the shoes- let that one go. let her see it as a compromise. The dress, however, she should respect your wishes. I wouldnt want any of my BMs to be wearing something that may offend my family either. If shes a good friend she'll see where youre coming from.

+HeatherW

All of my high heeled shoes are 4-6 inches tall...I don't consider myself a slut, whore, hooker or whatever you may deem higher heeled shoes. I love em and they are super cute. So I don't understand what the thing with the shoes is.

As far as the dress goes, tell her it's such and such a dress and that's that. (As long as it's within her budget...) and if she refuses to buy it or wear it she has essentially taken herself out of the wedding party then.