Inviting the best man's best friend...

matthendorf

My fiance's brother is his best man. Even though he will know a good 1/3 of the people at our wedding and be busy with best man duties he has asked his mom to ask us to include his best friend, wife and son on our guest list b/c they are his best friends and he wants them there to hang out with. Yes I'm a little stressed b/c our guest list is almost 400 but I'm mainly stressed b/c if his friends are there he might be so busy hanging out with them he might neglect best man duties and I don't want my fiance's feelings to be hurt. I also don't want to cause a rift by not inviting them when I've been asked to do so....I feel like it's a no win situation. Help!

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-mans-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7155377b-0487-44ee-b08f-fd147b7896a7Post:110216c7-5cb3-44d0-a40a-ccda5b960a41">Inviting the best man's best friend...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's brother is his best man. Even though he will know a good 1/3 of the people at our wedding and be busy with best man duties he has asked his mom to ask us to include his best friend, wife and son on our guest list b/c they are his best friends and he wants them there to hang out with. Yes I'm a little stressed b/c our guest list is almost 400 but I'm mainly stressed b/c if his friends are there he might be so busy hanging out with them he might neglect best man duties and I don't want my fiance's feelings to be hurt. I also don't want to cause a rift by not inviting them when I've been asked to do so....I feel like it's a no win situation. Help!
Posted by matthendorf[/QUOTE]
What duties are you talking about? He has no duties except showing up at the ceremony in whatever outfit y'all pick. You have close to 400 guests, do you really expect the best man to be attached to the groom's hip all night? Invite them. Like you said, it might create a rift if you don't and I don't see how having them there will affect anything about your wedding.

Beachy730

1.  There are no BM duties, so I don't understand what you are worried that he would neglect.

2.  I personally don't think you need to invite this person.  Even if you've been asked, I would just say I'm sorry but we can't accomodate anyone else on our guest list.  However if it were me I would probably be mean and say something like "This is our wedding, not your night out with your friends.  We aren't adding them."

crfische

1) What best man duties do you speak of?
2) I can see inviting him with an and guest, but to invite the whole family seems odd and unnecessary.
3) On the other hand, if you have 400 people already invited are 3 more gonna kill ya?
4) Do you KNOW this family?

smokeybailey

If your list is at 400, what's another 3?  I mean, really?

And please elaborate on the best man duties.

FutureMrsTR

There aren't really any best man duties to worry about unless the friend distracts him so horribly he forgets to stand next to the groom or deliver a speech (if he's wants to do one)

That being said, I think it's a little weird that your FI's brother wants to invite his best friend to your wedding to hang out with.  It's not a house party, it's a wedding.  Whoever's paying will really have the final say, but I find it a bit ridiculous.

[Deleted User]

I totally missed everything you said because your guest list of 400 doesn't make my guest list of 300 look so bad!

Seriously, just tell him you are getting close to capacity and can not commit to three more people at this time. Also, it is a family event and Aunt Millie will get her panties in a bunch if he spends all night with his friends instead of family. And- if you cut any of your friends, you should not be adding his.

And- yes, even with a wedding of 300 or 400 people still get cut.

Beachy730

While I do agree that at 400 people whats 3 more, I don't see why someone's friends need to be invited to the wedding.  Even if it is the FI's brother, what if another member of the WP asked to have one of their friends come so they could hang out with them?

MattsPenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-mans-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7155377b-0487-44ee-b08f-fd147b7896a7Post:a1473bb8-5f07-42be-be85-fe7521a201e4">Re: Inviting the best man's best friend...</a>:
[QUOTE]1) What best man duties do you speak of? 2) I can see inviting him with an and guest, but to invite the whole family seems odd and unnecessary. 3) On the other hand, if you have 400 people already invited are 3 more gonna kill ya? 4) Do you KNOW this family?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I agree with 1 and 2 of fische's.

I do not see why he needs these 3 people to survive the night.  However his visiting with other people will not take him away from anything that is required.  In fact, I feel as if it'd be the opposite.  I really feel bad bringing FI to weddings where I am a BM/MOH, because I will have to neglect him for much of the day/night.  Luckily he knew my friends and wasn't lonely.

Moneypenny424

I agree, these people don't need to come.  Not because they will take him away from his hefty duties, but because they aren't on your guest list and he will know other people there.  Give him a +1 and call it a day.

kellya01

IMHO, the wedding guests should have some connection to either the bride and her parents,or the groom and his parents.   If you were hosting a "party" where friends of friends are invited, it would be different.  In no way should you feel obligated to add someone to the guest list that you don't even KNOW.  I think that for a wedding, it is important to have people there that you WANT to help you celebrate this momentous occasion.  It is NOT important to have so-called wedding crashers, AKA friends of friends.  Don't feel bad about saying no... just say, look, we have to cap the list and there simply is not any more room for extras.  Or even better, just say "I don't know them, and I want people at the wedding that I know."  It's okay to be honest... men in my experience tend to appreciate honesty. 

waltzingmatilda13

I think it's odd that he needs to have his best friend there as well. Especially since it's your FI's brother, so his whole family will be there. I would allow him to bring a (as in one) guest and leave it at that.

smokeybailey

So do we really think that all 400 of these people have a connection to the bride and groom?

Well, I don't.

eshaufle

There are no BM duties so you being worried that having a friend there will "distract" him is a non-issue since there is nothing to distract him from really.

However, I think it's completely unnecessary to invite his friend and friend's family.  Obviously I would let him bring a date but I'm not sure why he thinks he can invite his BF too...that seems a little out of the ordinary to me.  400 guests is a ton of people and I understand if you're already stretching the limits of how many people you wanted.  3 more people may be an immaterial amount compared to 400 but that's still 3 more people you would need to greet and chat with before enjoying the rest of your night.  I say leave them off.

matthendorf

He doesn't have a "plus one" even though we are giving him one....
No, we don't know this family
Yes we do know all people on the invite list oddly enough
We'll probably add the 3 to avoid conflict b/c it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and no, my MOH did not ask us to invite any of her friends
Wow! lots of great responses!