My mom's friends...

hanson2B

My mom has a few friends who have "known" me all my life, but I am not close to them.  My mom only sees them maybe three times a year (they go to lunch or dinner) and only even talks on the phone with them maybe six times a year.  Anyway, she was talking to them on the phone today, and the friends said they would help throw a bridal shower for me.  That's really nice, but I wan't planning to invite these people to my wedding (and my mom was fine with that).  My mom didn't really reply because she wasn't sure what to say.

 Now, the reason I wouldn't invite these ladies is because of the extra cost.  It would probably be about another $50 for three extra people.  However, they are also retired and rather well-off, so I'm guessing they might each give about $50 in gifts... giving us a $100 "profit."  I know it shouldn't be about the money, but let's face it, it's all about the money!  And it is nice of them to offer to help throw me a shower.  So what do you think -- should I let them invite themselves like that, and take it as a blessing?  Or should I stick with the original plan and tell them that we had to cut the guest list down...?

quotequeen

You should decide whether you want these people at your wedding.  Definitely don't invite them for the gifts or count on receiving gifts of a particular value.  If you don't want to invite them, just politely decline the shower.

srkropf

Can you afford $50? Stay in one night and save that date night money, or have your mom pay it? Really, with a wedding, unless it's a shoestring, $50 doesn't seem like much to give-- especially with looking at the return (as 'bad' as that is to look at)

lyndausvi

your reasons aside.. we invited our parents friends who felll into that catagory.  It was one of those pick your battles things.  It was not worth the battle not to invite them.  In the end they gave us more meaningful gifts than anyone else.. no lie their gifts are all of our favorites..   Who knew??

Beachy730

$50 for 3 people?  3 people who are willing to go out of their way to throw a shower for you?  Chalk up the $50 and add them to your guest list. 

SassyBrass

I don't think that $50 is really all that much. And how nice of these friends to want to help your mom throw a shower for you.
Friends don't have to talk on the phone or see one another every day to be close. I think it's sweet that your mom has friends who care about her enough to go out of their way to do this for you. Showers aren't an entitlement. They are a gift to the bride or couple from people who care about them
And if you are looking at this money wise, they will probably be spending more money to voluntarily throw you a shower than it'll cost you to add them to your guest list. That's money they don't have to spend, but are offering to.
Like a PP said, put aside a night out or little "treats" and $50 comes easy. You can afford that.

mica178

If they like you enough to offer to throw you a shower and to invite them to the wedding is only $50, I'd do it in a heartbeat, assuming you have enough space in the venue.

[Deleted User]

I would take it as a compliment that they want to throw a shower for you. So I would accept and invite them to the wedding. Not a big deal IMO.

PharmacyBride

It is typical for parents to see their lifelong friends that often- they are busy being parents.. it is completely different from you friendships as a young adult.  Personally, I think if the wedding gets past a certain size, past immediate friends/family only, then they should be included.

And you are also correct in stating parents' friends usually give generously and don't monopolize your time on the day of the wedding.

Just make sure you appear genuinely thankful.  I am sure you are nice in person- but your post came off a little cold- so just be sure you give them proper thanks for wanting to host a shower for you and for any gifts they want to give.

hanson2B

Thanks for the input, everyone -- I will invite them.  It wasn't that I didn't want them there or wasn't grateful about the shower, it was just that moment of shock when I thought "Oh no -- this wasn't part of the plan!"  I guess I should be more flexible than that.  Thanks again!