An Etiquette Question (NWR)

Gabrielle76

My FI and I found ourselves in an Etiquette disagreement in these past few weeks, since we've been writing Christmas thank-you notes.  I was always taught that it was proper to write a note for any gift that was received, weather it came in the mail, or was given in person.  His family wasn't big on thank you notes, and he insists you only need write one if you haven't seen the giver in person, or talked on the phone to thank them.  My question is, am I right, or is he?  Should thank you notes be written for a gift no matter what, or only if you haven't thanked the giver through any other medium?

monkeysip

Hmmm.... I was always raised to send thank you notes... but never if we opened the gifts in person.

I will say, however, that MOST of the time, I only opened gifts from parents or siblings in their presence.  But even the few times that I opened gifts in front of a few aunts/uncles and grandparents, I was always under the impression that they didn't expect a thank you card as well.

My family is usually big on making sure everyone watches everyone open their gifts, so we're able to thank the gift-giver on the spot.  I know at FI's house, the tradition is for everyone to rip open all of their gifts at once in a chaotic mess, so I can see how it would be easy to forget to thank all of the people who gave you gifts.

*Edit to say that maybe I'm just a tacky hoebag too, I don't know.

Amt2109

I usually don't handwrite thank you notes, but if I haven't seen the giver in person, I make an effort to phone/email/private fb message to thank them.

My handwriting isn't nice/readable enough to do written notes on a regular basis. H and I split the wedding thank yous.

HeatherR45

I'm not sure proper etiquette on this...but I've never written thank you notes for Christmas or birthday gifts if I opened them in front of the person, but did sent them to aunts/uncles who had sent gifts in the mail. I did send thank yous for my graduation gifts even when I opened them in front of the person, maybe because that was a "one time" event versus something that happens every year?
On the other hand, my aunt sends thank yous for everything, but she's just card crazy. lol

tenofcups4me

I think this is more a question of family dynamics and norms than any straight etiquette question. I've never written or received a thank you note for a holiday gift or a regular birthday gift (either done in person or by phone call). It's not done in my family or in DH's family.

I would go by his family's norms for his family and not write thank you notes to them.

cebrady89

Ive never written thank you notes for Christmas gifts, but for birthdays I always send a written note, even if I thanked the person when I got the present. I don't think it's a problem if you want to write one. My fiancées family isn't big on cards or notes, but I always write one anyway and they do appreciate it.

Gabrielle76

Thanks guys! I think I'll let him do whatever he thinks is best, but i'm going to write them to my family, and his. I figure it can't hurt!

Mark&Steph

I was always taught (as a kid) to write thank-you notes for every gift. It seems easier than trying to discern which gifts/givers warrant a note and which don't. If I have seen the giver at Christmas (for example), I generally include something like "It was great to have the opportunity to visit with you this holiday season" or "Thank you for inviting me over for Christmas Eve" or whatever is appropriate.

I'm also fairly certain that writing a thank-you note would not be poorly received even if it isn't necessarily the norm in his family. I've always written them to my future in-laws, and FMIL has commented to me how much she appreciates the handwritten notes. Hello, brownie points

Irishpixiebride

My mother would skin me alive if I didn't send out a thank you for every gift. 

Typical Long Island italians.... 

RaptorSLH

Official answer: a thank you not is always required.

Family answer: mine never used thank you notes for ordinary occasions like birthdays and Christmas, and would probably be shocked if I did.  Gratitude was always expected, but in person or by phone, not a written note.  In some families it just isn't done.  As long as the giver has been thanked, and is satisfied with the response, I figure that's the most important thing.

tenofcups4me

I actually do think it can "hurt." I wrote above that I've never received a thank you note for a birthday present when given in person, but I since remembered the one time that a cousin's relatively new wife sent one for a present to their son. The conversation between my sister and me went something like this: "Oh fck, if she's going to do that for every gift, I guess we have to start doing it too. What a pain in the ass. We don't do this in our family--why is she starting this nonsense?"

So, yeah,  no gratitude or brownie points, just a general sense that this could turn into a PITA.

But I'm a strong believer that cultural norms override by-the-book etiquette.

RKPugs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-question-nwr-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72804026-1d77-4619-af86-598e660c184dPost:919f2dd4-237e-4857-86ac-9f53852e23e3">Re: An Etiquette Question (NWR)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My mother would skin me alive if I didn't send out a thank you for every gift.</strong>  Typical Long Island italians.... 
Posted by Irishpixiebride[/QUOTE]

<div>Me too!!!! For every gift no matter what!</div>