Addressing invitations-young adults

Bonzo2011

I have read in many places on The Knot, and in other etiquette sources, that each person over age 16 or 18 (depending on source) receives their own invitation. I'm curious, in an environmentally conscious era, just how necessary this is for young adults living at home with their parents. In certain cases, it seems like a waste of paper, as many people just toss the invitations later.

Now, I completely understand individual invitations for young adults away at college, or who have moved out for any reason. But, if an 18 year old is living at home, what is the purpose of sending an extra package of paper?

Please, save the comments simply instructing me that "I must" do separate invitations. I'm not actually anywhere near sending invitations yet, I'm just curious about the origin of the etiquette, and if it's something that can adapt with the environmentally aware times. If anyone knows any history of this custom, I'd be very interested!

Bonzo2011

It does make sense to me that once you are an adult you should be invited as your own person. I've just seen a number of posts emphasizing that each yound adult "must" have their own invitation, and it's just never made environmental or monetary sense to me. I'm glad I'm not the only person on here who has questioned the steadfastness of this rule!

NOLAbridealmost

Eh...I am not sure about the origin of the etiquette, but it probably has something to do with acknowledging that the person, being an adult, is independent of their parents and deserving to be invited in their own right and not just as so-and-so's kids. 

I did break etiquette on that one for two of my male cousins who were 19 and 21 because we completely ran out of invites and, frankly, they tortured me as a kid so I wasn't really concerned with offending them.  (I know that makes me sound like a total POS, but I made a judgment call that having an additional 50 invites printed to get those 2 each their own just wasn't worth it). 

Mrs.B6302007

IDK where/how that started.  It's never really made sense to me, either, if said invitee is still living under the roof of the parents.   I suppose it's because 18 is adult and each adult "deserves" his/her own invitation.  I personally would not be offended if I was included on my parents' invite for something if I lived at home as long as my name  was specifically listed on the envelope.

niquemel

16 year olds are young adults?
Save paper, be practical.

Avion22

At 18, a young adult should be able to manage their own social schedule, and not have Mom and Dad saying whether they will or will not attend a function.  

Having said that, I see your point -- another invitation means more paper, more postage, more fuel required to get the invitation to its destination.  But if this is your argument for not sending adults (18 and over) their own invitations, then maybe you should forgo traditional invitations altogether.    If you are really into having a green wedding and reducing your carbon footprint,  you can find invitations on recycled paper, or that are smaller so they use less paper  product. Or you could use e-vite. 

teachermegs

We didn't send a separate one to the one who is 17 because he was still living at his mom's house.

TheCranberry

I don't think it's a big deal to send someone living at home their own invitation.  I'm assuming their parents will ask them whether they can come rather than just RSVPing for them with no input.  We even sent one invitation to multiple "actual" adults living in the house.  It would have meant a lot more invitations ordered and lots of questions from family wondering why we wasted the money sending the mother and daughter (30 year old daughter and 50ish year old mother) separate invitations. 

GeauxTigers17

I don't think people nowadays expect it. If I did this with one of my mom's friends, I'd have to send 5 separate invitations to them, because all four of their children are over 16 and all live at home. They'd think I'd lost my mind, but I'm still tempted to do it....I guess I just feel compelled since it's a rule? Who knows. 

Now, if they don't live at home, absolutely they get their own. It annoys the mess out of me when people put my name on my parents' invitation. I haven't lived at home since 2004!!!!!

Avion22

So, my 50-year old uncle who lives with my 83-year old grandmother wouldn't get hiw own invitation? 

If you can't afford enough invitations or postage to send one to each of your adult guests, then you need to readjust some things.  If you're worried about environmental impact, then pick a different style of invitation.

It's not "a rule."  It's just a little rude to imply that parents should make these decisions for their adult children.

lindsay5432

I sent all individual invitations, and got a lot of comments on why did I "waste money" sending multiple invites to the same houses.  I felt stupid about it afterwards since I get the feeling they may not be as willing to give $$ as a wedding gift if they think I will be foolish/frivolous with it.  Our parents gave us sh*t, too, for sending invites to them and "wasting money".

peanutty2

Agree with NOLAbride and what other PPs said... Probably something to do with acknowledging them as an adult that can make their own decisions.  But I don't really think it makes sense either, if an adult is living at home, they can get the same invite!  We have a few tricky situations like that and I haven't really decided how to handle it yet.  We know a lot of people who are well grown and live with their parents for financial reasons now.  Sending out all these extra invites seems silly to me, especially knowing they're probably all traveling together too.  When I was still living at home, I wasn't offended to by on the same invite as my mom, I expected it.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-invitations-young-adults?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72a84539-82d5-493d-a4fa-b4483ddee684Post:98e731bf-06c5-4838-ae4f-f15178ad21d5">Re: Addressing invitations-young adults</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>So, my 50-year old uncle who lives with my 83-year old grandmother wouldn't get hiw own invitation?</strong>  If you can't afford enough invitations or postage to send one to each of your adult guests, then you need to readjust some things.  If you're worried about environmental impact, then pick a different style of invitation. It's not "a rule."  It's just a little rude to imply that parents should make these decisions for their adult children.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

Actually, that brings up an interesting point; what would the new cut off age then be? Or what would you do if it was a 19 year old living at home currently, but they were engaged?

I think 18 is often used as a cut off age, since that's when you are generally considered an adult.

Bonzo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-invitations-young-adults?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72a84539-82d5-493d-a4fa-b4483ddee684Post:98e731bf-06c5-4838-ae4f-f15178ad21d5">Re: Addressing invitations-young adults</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>So, my 50-year old uncle who lives with my 83-year old grandmother wouldn't get hiw own invitation? </strong> If you can't afford enough invitations or postage to send one to each of your adult guests, then you need to readjust some things.  If you're worried about environmental impact, then pick a different style of invitation. It's not "a rule."  It's just a little rude to imply that parents should make these decisions for their adult children.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
That's not at all what I was asking. If you read my post, I specified <strong>young</strong> adults living at home.

The thing that was really making me think about this is that there is one household where, if I follow the rule of one invitation per child over 18, there would be 3 invitations going to that house (1 for parents, 1 each for two adult children) but then, the 15 year old daughter gets put on her parents' invite when all of her older siblings get their own? That just seems inappropriate to me. If I was the youngest and all my older siblings got their own invite and I didn't just because I was 15 not 16, 18, whatever, that would bother me more than being 18 and being listed on the "family" invite.

That said, to the posters who gave me ideas about eco-friendly invites, I'm already looking into that. My parents, who are paying, are against doing an all electronic invite, so we need to mail something. But I've been researching 100% post consumer recycled papers and such. They are also often beautiful papers, which makes me happy as a designer! Thanks for the pointers in that regard.

And thanks for the debate on the individual invitations. Like I said in my original post, I'm still over a year away, so it's just something that I'm mulling over in my brain. I will take everything into consideration when it gets close to actually ordering invites. Thanks!

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-invitations-young-adults?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72a84539-82d5-493d-a4fa-b4483ddee684Post:65408b2c-5e4b-4221-91f5-806734874c68">Re: Addressing invitations-young adults</a>:
[QUOTE]I sent all individual invitations, and got a lot of comments on why did I "waste money" sending multiple invites to the same houses.  I felt stupid about it afterwards since I get the feeling they may not be as willing to give $$ as a wedding gift if they think I will be foolish/frivolous with it.  Our parents gave us sh*t, too, for sending invites to them and "wasting money".
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

Wow.  People who gave you sh*t about being polite maybe shouldn't have been invited in the first place :-)  I HOPE they were just joking around with you.  If not.....just WOW.

eriatarkah1981

I can only relate my own experiences here, so I will say this much: several years ago, when a very dear friend of mine got married, I was a little saddened when my name wasn't even included on the outter envelope. Yes, I was living at home, at 26, and wasn't offended that I didn't get my own invitation (although it's curious, as this same friend's mother always insisted I be sent a separate invite when she was inviting both my mother and me to an event). I could understand if she was more social with my parents, or if we were still 18 or 19 years old, why she would have addressed our invitations in such a way, but to not even include my name on the outter envelope was very insulting (especially since I have a different last name than my mother, brother, and step-father!!!!!!!!!!). I'm not really a part of  'The Smith Family,' as the invites came addressed.
On the other hand, I completely understand why one would want to send just one invite to a home, including all members in the household in one, especially if you've only ever dealt with those people as one social group, and not separately (as was the case of my friend. We interacted socially, not our parents/families). If it's a friend, and their family also, send the friend a separate invite, especially if they are well, well over 21 and are the person you actually socialize with!