Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet?

chattychiqa

I have looked online and spoken with friends and the sentiment is mixed. Despite acceptance, even if they're entered into a "raffle"--is this impolite or rude? I cohosted a baby shower for FSIL and the other hosts really wanted to do this. I offered to address and stamp envelopes for FSIL but was quickly poo poo'd and told it wasn't necessary. While I wasn't happy about this, nobody seemed to mind; honestly I was trying to go along with IL's. Now that FSIL is a BM and has expressed some ideas & desire to host a shower, I really hope she doesn't try to have my guests do this. I don't mind addressing envelopes in the least. I'm wondering what etiquette dictates.

LittleMissCutiePie

Rude and lazy, like Edie said. Guests shouldn't have to do any work if they're guests, even if it's part of a "raffle".

number55

I have seen it done, I didn't really care about it. But I didn't have my guests do it. I am capable of filling out 20 or so addresses. 

MyUserName1

ugh.  tacky.

and yeah, this has been discussed ad nauseum.

chelseamb11

Yeah it's tacky. FMIL did it for FSIL's shower with the excuse that FSIL didn't have everyones addresses.  BS, they mailed invites for the shower. DUHHHH.  I agree with the rude/lazy comment.

KatePlusNate04

I think it's rude and tacky. If people are coming to your shower and bothering to get you gifts, the LEAST you can do is address your own TY notes. Addressing the envelope takes about 10 seconds or less. Don't make guests do it.

chattychiqa

I was SO put off. FMIL took my 7 year old to their cousin's baby shower this weekend (cousin was a co host of aforementioned shower), and they did the addressing there too. I hear my DD addressed my TY envelope. The thought of this makes me wretch. Raffle or not, I don't see how this is acceptable.

skantrowitz

I wouldn't be offended, but I think it's a bad idea. You should take the time to do everything for your thank-you notes. Plus, getting something in the mail in your own handwriting is weird.

crfische

Weird! NO! Never seen this lameass idea before!

Kidding. It's lame.

chattychiqa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talked-having-guests-address-ty-cards-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72af62f1-c309-42b0-aaa7-b6d20a3fd29bPost:d8a91f3d-4b75-4072-8690-a57539ee6c4d">Re: Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't be offended, but I think it's a bad idea. You should take the time to do everything for your thank-you notes. Plus, getting something in the mail in your own handwriting is weird.
Posted by skantrowitz[/QUOTE]



Even the pap smear reminder postcards in my own writing catch me off guard.

Loopyseven

I have to address an envelope to myself when I donate blood.  It's weird then.  Even stranger at a shower.  I've done it at showers I've attended.  I don't find it rude necessarily, it just makes me think the bride is lazy as sin.

RebeccaB88

Tacky and lazy.  If you don't want to write the notes, don't have a shower.

jeslm

I went to a shower recently where we were asked to address our own TY envelopes, then they weren't even used.  I couldn't figure out if the bride was so turned off by it she just thought better to write her own or if they never made it to her.  This was the same girl who told me how hard it was finding something interesting to write to everyone when all she got (because all she registered for) was money toward the honeymoon...

SparrowSong

Really lazy. Definitely takes the shine off the sincerity of a thank you note. If someone doesn't even have enough gratitude to even fill out a fricking envelope, I'd be thinking twice about wasting time shopping, selecting, purchasing and wrapping any future gifts for them. 

stefaniewattie

im confused..ive never heard of this before... getting your guests to write their own address on their Thank you card??? WTF! Ive been to alot of VERY unetiquette minded weddings and parties and never once seen this..
laaaazy.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talked-having-guests-address-ty-cards-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72af62f1-c309-42b0-aaa7-b6d20a3fd29bPost:3a91d4e7-3aad-474f-a004-85b455248bc7">Re: Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet? : Even the pap smear reminder postcards in my own writing catch me off guard.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I had to address the envelope that my GRADES would come in at the school I attended in Spain. It's so eerie to see your own handwriting mailed to you.

Plus, it's just lazy. And rude.

xxstardust

The best was a close friend of mine's baby shower last year - not only did we get to address our own envelopes, the TY cards were a printed out picture with a line of text typed across it. So she literally didn't write anything in the thank you cards.

chattychiqa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talked-having-guests-address-ty-cards-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72af62f1-c309-42b0-aaa7-b6d20a3fd29bPost:1af0d25c-4431-4b19-aac7-a0a081e6dcab">Re: Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]im confused..ive never heard of this before...<strong> getting your guests to write their own address on their Thank you card???</strong> WTF! Ive been to alot of VERY unetiquette minded weddings and parties and never once seen this.. laaaazy.
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

Yep.

At the presents table, there was a box of envelopes with pens nearby.  Guests were instructed to write down their names and addresses on the envelopes.  The envelopes were placed into a box and a "winner" was drawn from them to win a raffle prize.

Sidenote: FSIL also wanted a diaper drive.  Guests were instructed to bring a pack of diapers and they'd be entered into a separate drawing for a different prize.  That's right, girls.  There was giving up an afternoon, buying a present off a registry (which is okay, I suppose, since it's so mainstream), entering into a raffle by buying a pack of diapers (at least $10-15 in addition to the cost of the present) and then you had to address your own thank you card.  I was pissed. 

When she had another shower less than a year and a half later I didn't even go.  I couldn't fathom doing all this all over again, surely I'd lose my $hit, even if only internally.  Thank God for graveyard shift. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" />

kmmssg

SIL and I hosted a shower for our niece last Fall and I was mortified when she did that.  I had no idea it was going to happen until it did.

That being said, I don't get cranked out of shape if I am a guest at a shower and this happens, but I do think it is FAR classier for a person to do their own envelopes.  It just isn't proper etiquette but I'm pretty convinced most of the civilized world isn't really up on every aspect of proper etiquette.

StephBeanWed61502

This strikes me as particularly lazy because the bride and groom (presumably) already have your correct address since they mailed you your invitation... I could maybe understand wanting to circulate a list to get everyone's addresses if you didn't already have them, but if you were capable of filling out (or paying some else to fill out) the address on my invitation, you can damn sure do it one more time on my thank-you note. 

stefaniewattie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talked-having-guests-address-ty-cards-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72af62f1-c309-42b0-aaa7-b6d20a3fd29bPost:c0bf3ac5-ff7d-401b-bb2a-35edced9b313">Re: Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]This strikes me as particularly lazy because the bride and groom (presumably) already have your correct address since they mailed you your invitation... I could maybe understand wanting to circulate a list to get everyone's addresses if you didn't already have them, but if you were capable of filling out (or paying some else to fill out) the address on my invitation, you can damn sure do it one more time on my thank-you note. 
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

no kidding - what next - should I write "thank you for the "whatever my gift was"" on a card and mail it to myself too?
so rude - if i went through the trouble and time of purchasing you a nice gift - or writing you a check for my hard earned money, the least you can do is address my thank you card! holy!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talked-having-guests-address-ty-cards-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72af62f1-c309-42b0-aaa7-b6d20a3fd29bPost:637a569c-912e-48e2-82c2-1db7d209c240">Re: Have we talked about having guests address TY cards yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]The best was a close friend of mine's baby shower last year - not only did we get to address our own envelopes, the<strong> TY cards were a printed out picture with a line of text typed across it</strong>. So she literally didn't write anything in the thank you cards.
Posted by xxstardust[/QUOTE]

This is the kind of thank you card my H and I received from a friends wedding.  I kept flipping it over wondering where the rest of the personal part of the thank you was.  Lazy, lazy, lazy.  Yes, it sucks to have to write out 60 or more TY (kills your hands), but it is the least you can do when someone sacrifices their Saturday night to attend your wedding, celebrate with you for 5 hours and then give you a gift.

Karen's MOH

I agree with all of the above about how tacky it is, but I actually wouldn't put that on the bride, but on the hosts. I don't think I've ever had to do it, but if I did I'd assume it was the host's idea and that the bride was as embarrassed as I would be. 

The only sort of maybe possible exception I could see would be if it was a baby shower really close to the due date, or some other complication like bed rest or something (although I think you'd have lots of time on your hands to write on bed rest?) I wouldn't do it, but I could understand it in some circumstances. 

Disclosure- my sister's baby shower was really close to her due date. Our handwriting is so similar, sometimes I can't even tell who wrote something, so I did consider addressing the cards for her before the shower. I didn't, and never would have had other people do it, but I thought about it. No one would have been able to tell.