just want to see what others think about this

dragonwagon

I guess this is etiquette-related.

This morning in church during the time of praise and worship, a 4 year old child that attends our church was sitting at the alter in one of those big chairs (I'm not sure what they are called or what they are for) that nobody ever sits in that faces the pews. She was making faces and then started to pretend to conduct the music. And then she starts running around up front before she finally plops down at the piano. She also knocked over the offering plates, spilling their contents all over the floor in front of the pulpit.

I have to say, I was not  amused. A few people were laughing at her, but most people were either trying not to look as if they were embarassed for her or they were looking a little miffed. I looked around for her parents because all I could think was that they clearly could not have been around. I was wrong. Her mother was sitting in the pew across from me with a proud smile on her face as if she was thinking, "What can I say? She's so outgoing and UNEEK!" Ugh. Clearly I was more than a little annoyed by this.

Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone else found this to be out of line. I don't have children, so I know my opinion is biased. But I was disgusted that a parent would let their child run rampid in the middle of a worship service and sit there and watch as if they think it is cute. At no point did the mother get up to get her. The kid grabbed a microphone and started to sing, and when people started laughing, she got embarassed and ran back to her mother.

What gives? If you are a parent, would you allow this to happen? If so, why?

I had to see what the TK Etiquette knotties had to say about this.

bethsmiles

I'm not a parent but I agree with you that the little girl needed to be brought under control by her parents.

musicalsunlight

Yeah, if that was my child she would not get far past getting out of her seat in the pew, much less the very front of the church. That is incredibly rude and irresponsible of her mother.

SEWF

This happened all the time at the church I used to go to. I think it was a cultural thing (the church consists of two very different cultures), because when I went to one of the mass times, it was never just one kid, it was 5 to 10 at each mass. They'd run up on the alter, up and down the aisles, start yelling, and no one ever did anything about it. The other mass time was very stuffy and traditional, which also wasn't for me. 

When I was little and going to the same church, I sat in the pew. Sure, my mom would bring a coloring book or some snacks, but there was no way I was running anywhere! Especially when my grandma was there. She was one of the most loving people I know, but my cousin and I knew, you DO NOT act up in church.

Honestly, it is probably one thing that made me start questioning my faith in that religion and helped me decide on the kind of worship I do today.

mrshellem2012

I am a parent and no my son would not be allowed to behave in this manor, i am not saying he doesnt throw enourmous fits, but i dont sit around and let him scream, we leave location. Some people just dont consider other people when it comes to their kids. Its a shame, it gives all of us bad names lol

Avion22

Yeah, I think I would find it distracting in church.  I mean, you go there to worship, and not to watch kids misbehave.  I don't have kids, but I know sometimes they just get out of control. It really bothers me when the parents don't event TRY to keep them under control though.  

BTW, I think you meant "unique" instead of uneek?   And "ramptant" instead of rampid?    I'm not a spelling nazi, just trying to help:-)

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-want-see-others-think-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72b53b83-6138-493b-a69e-30cd0b205236Post:80fd48bf-391d-4979-bd74-27ad046b192f">Re: just want to see what others think about this</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I think I would find it distracting in church.  I mean, you go there to worship, and not to watch kids misbehave.  I don't have kids, but I know sometimes they just get out of control. It really bothers me when the parents don't event TRY to keep them under control though.   BTW, I think you meant <strong>"unique" instead of uneek</strong>?   And "ramptant" instead of rampid?    I'm not a spelling nazi, just trying to help:-)
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]
Spelling unique as "uneek" is a joke around TK.  But I agree with you on the rampant/rampid part.

marinabreeze

I agree it was definitely parenting fail on the part of the mother.  That should not have happened IMO.  I just don't get how some parents think that their kid acting up in public is "cute."  Besides, a lack of fair and consistent discipline does both the child and parent(s) a disservice in the long run.

I don't have kids, but I remember when I was a kid and we would occasionally go to church, there was no way my parents would've tolerated me leaving the pew and running around, much less going up by the pulpit.  As a matter of fact, misbehaving in public period would've meant punishment of some sort, so my siblings and I behaved accordingly in public.

Stackeye210

That's beyond ridiculous!  My daughter sits next to me for 2 hours during church and knows not to say a word and to sit still.  She's 3.  She stands when she's supposed to stand, prays when she's supposed to pray and listens when she's supposed to listen.  That's just bad parenting, and I would never as a parent smile at my child acting like that.  What a way to ruin a service for everyone. 

tayylor65

Wow.  Growing up I never would have THOUGHT to act like that b/c of how much trouble I'd be in.

I don't have kids yet, but when I do there's no chance I'd let them do something so rude as that.  If my child attempted to run up and act out like that girl I'd walk her out of the church, take her home, and discipline her making it clear she never do that again.  

Even if it wasn't in the middle of service at church but at someone else's birthday party--something very laid back--I wouldn't accept it.  IMO at a young age they need to start learning to accept they aren't center of attention and that there are always boundaries.  

mandcz

I am a mother, my daughter is 4.5 years old; I don't attend church, though, so my opinion may be biased. However, if it were my daughter acting that way, I would take her outside; also, don't most churches have nurseries and sunday school services for small children? The mother should be told that her child needs to not be in the sanctuary during services if she is going to be disruptive. Or, at least, she should sit in the back, and if she insists on letting her child "roam free" she can do it behind the pews where people will not pay her as much attention.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_just-want-see-others-think-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72b53b83-6138-493b-a69e-30cd0b205236Post:5762fd12-4826-4319-9b15-7791e8e1a410">Re: just want to see what others think about this</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: just want to see what others think about this : Spelling unique as "uneek" is a joke around TK.  But I agree with you on the rampant/rampid part.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

Ah, got it!  I've never seen that before.  That makes me feel much better:-)

artbyallie

I would be just livid if I saw a parent letting their kid do that. Permissive I-just-want-to-be-your-best-friend parents are a huge pet peeve of mine. In fact, I was shocked at the kids talking in the congregation at the one and only Catholic service I attended with a friend. Parents in my church would never let their kids do that. (Not judging Catholics, btw, obviously every individual church is different, I just expected them to be stricter if anything).

dragonwagon

Thanks for the replies, everyone! I was starting to wonder if I was just being an uptight bitty. Sorry for the spelling mistake. I did mean rampant..not rampid. Eeek...