Invite question!

robinellyse

Hey guys! I'm knew to the boards and I have a question about invite etiquette.
My fiance and I want to have a small wedding in the town that we are currently attending school in.
We are going to have a small reception after the ceremony for our friends who live here, and for our close family who is coming to attend the wedding.
In the months after the wedding (no real dates have been set), we are going to have a ceremony in our individual hometowns for the family and friends who were unable to travel to our wedding.
How do we word our invites to tell people that we're getting married and to invite them to the reception in our hometowns?
I hope this isn't too confusing...
Thanks!!

Meegles4

No, this doesn't work. People invited to receptions need to be invited to the ceremony. I'm unclear from your post if you're planning to invite everyone or not. The ceremony is the important part, so only inviting some people to that and inviting everyone else just to a party in your hometown will leave some of those people upset with you that they weren't invited to witness your actual marriage.

You'd be surprised at who will travel for a wedding. Invite everyone, based on who you can afford to host.

You can certainly have a party in your hometown after the wedding. But it's not a reception and it's not to be wedding-themed. The only way you can really get away with having an at home reception and not hurting people is if your ceremony/reception is truly immediate family only. It doesn't sound like that's what you're thinking, so I'd stay away from the hometown receptions and just invite everyone to the reception in your current town. 

gurrlballa10

Also, you can't have two ceremonies.  You are getting married once. 

itzMS

I feel for you, OP, but you only get one ceremony. Your marriage isn't a theatrical production that you can repeat as many times as you'd like as if the first didn't happen.

Invite all the guests to 1 ceremony and reception. When you travel back to your hometowns, share videos/photos with those who couldn't attend.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-question-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72e13819-a212-4c68-a5b4-5fe034ecf589Post:6832c977-fe96-4086-8be4-6945571397c8">Re: Invite question!</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel for you, OP, but you only get one ceremony. Your marriage isn't a theatrical production that you can repeat as many times as you'd like as if the first didn't happen. Invite all the guests to 1 ceremony and reception. When you travel back to your hometowns, share videos/photos with those who couldn't attend.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
All of this.

Peledreamsofrain

Yes, that's what I understood as well, everything in triplicate.  It would be a pretty big etiquette violation, and does look really prima-donna  look at me gimme gimme.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-question-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72e13819-a212-4c68-a5b4-5fe034ecf589Post:3894ee69-0d21-4d02-99a8-f20ff4ee8809">Re: Invite question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite question! : Actually, if that is what she was planning, it would be fine, etiquette-wise.  But OP is planning 3 ceremonies and 3 receptions in 3 different towns.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Stage, I missed the three ceremonies part. I thought she was wanting a ceremony/reception where she's living and two AHRs in their hometowns. And I do tend to side-eye AHRs where people are just invited to the party back home, but the B&G still have a ceremony/reception that includes more than immediate families. Why can't they just invite everyone to one? I'm not sure if that's what you're saying is acceptable or if I'm not understanding. Frankly, AHR confuse me sometimes :-)

zantster

I can see PPs point but I wonder does this also apply to intercultural ceremonies?  For example I have heard of many situations where a couple got married here as well as in India with different types of ceremonies for different cultural reasons.  My friend had a Catholic wedding here and then another in her home country of Singapore.  I've heard it done this way for Nigerian couples and others as well.  I am wondering does etiquette makes an exception in some cases but not others like the OPs and if so why?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-question-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72e13819-a212-4c68-a5b4-5fe034ecf589Post:3a7b3e88-5f6a-4dc7-9e87-0b9893872c05">Re: Invite question!</a>:
[QUOTE]I can see PPs point but I wonder does this also apply to intercultural ceremonies?  For example I have heard of many situations where a couple got married here as well as in India with different types of ceremonies for different cultural reasons.  My friend had a Catholic wedding here and then another in her home country of Singapore.  I've heard it done this way for Nigerian couples and others as well.  I am wondering does etiquette makes an exception in some cases but not others like the OPs and if so why?
Posted by zantster[/QUOTE]

I have friends who had both an "American" wedding and an Indian wedding (both were in the US). However, everyone who was invited to the first (which they consider their official wedding/anniversary, as they were legally married then) was also invited to the second, which was about 2 months later. The Indian wedding was to please the groom's family, basically.

I did have a friend complain that she "already went to their wedding!" but IMO, that was the best way to handle doing 2. They tried to combine them into 1 wedding, but it really wasn't working out because it seemed half of this, half of that.

robinellyse

Wow! 

Looks like there was a lot of confusion with my part.

I'm not planning on having 3 ceremonies. 

The thing is, my family has a very small budget for the actual wedding ceremony. We want to keep it small, intimate, and affordable. Also, our wedding is in December, and in Wyoming, the weather gets a little treacherous, so we understand that not all of our guests will be able to attend.

We both have family that lives across the US, and they're obviously invted to the wedding, but we know that realistically, they won't be able to attend.

I guess "reception" was the wrong word to use. I was thinking about having a small barbeque/get together at my family's place for very extended family and high school friends to attend if they want.

It's not about us being greedy or wanting lots of attention, it's just us trying to make the most of what we can with the small budget and lack of time that we have. 

I value everyones opinions, I just really don't want to sound like this is us being greedy. We really aren't trying to do that at all!