NWR: Was this an invite?

shoegal715

Fiance's dad recently got re-married. She has 3 grown sons.

Every year for Thanksgiving (it's this weekend in Canada) we usually see fiance's dad and new wife. This year fiance is going to be away, but I thought I'd see what his dad was doing anyways. (Looking back now it looks rude and like I'm inviting myself somewhere.)

So fiance writes in an email to his dad hat I wanted to know what him and his wife are doing. His reply:  "We're having dinner at our house on Sunday. She can come if she wants."

I think that's a non-invite invite. If he wanted me to come, wouldn't he have e-mailed me? He has my e-mail address. 

Fiance tells me to shut up - it's an invite and stop over-analyzing. 

So I call fiance's dad today to thank him for the "invite" and ask him if I can bring dessert. He tells me neither of my fiance's siblings are going, it's just going to be his wife's kids... and now me... without my fiance.

I feel like I'm imposing now on her side of the family - especially when my fiance won't even be there. 

Do I call back and say I won't be offended if they just want it to be her side of the family? Or is that rude? 

lilianne22

I agree with Lulu, if that was an invite it wasn't a very inviting one, lol.  I wouldn't go either, seems like it would be awkward.  Just call and say thanks for the invite but something else came up and you can't make it.

danieliza1127

I would just come up with a reason why you can't make it.  Don't make it more awkward by being all "oh I'll understand if you don't want me to come, etc".  Just shoot him and e-mail and say xyz came up and you won't be able to make it.  It sounds like you invited yourself and they didn't really intend to invite you, sorry.

shoegal715

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-this-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72ef6137-ed67-4727-812a-ee361b43ef9aPost:c0ba3059-5852-424d-b513-5a6447a2ef13">Re: NWR: Was this an invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just come up with a reason why you can't make it.  Don't make it more awkward by being all "oh I'll understand if you don't want me to come, etc".  Just shoot him and e-mail and say xyz came up and you won't be able to make it.  <strong>It sounds like you invited yourself and they didn't really intend to invite you, sorry.</strong>
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep I agree.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm in Europe this year for school, and I love his dad and get along great, so I wanted to see him this Thanksgiving because I won't see him again for at least another 7 months. But you're right, I should have waited to him to invite me - if at all for dinner or a visit. </div>

TheCranberry

I say trust your instincts since you know FI's dad.  However, things are pretty casual in my family, and we say the more the merrier so a casual invitation like this would be an actual invitation.