Need advice on how to tell single friends they can't bring dates.

silkychicken

I'm in a dilemma. I'm inviting a few old friends who I would love to attend my wedding (high school & college friends). However a few of them are single, and to my knowledge aren't dating anyone super serious. We're having a small wedding, only 60 people, and 60 people is the absolute max, any more then that and we would literally have no where to put them. It's a rooftop wedding so the space is small and limited.

I'm not exactly sure how to approach this, do I ask them personally not to bring dates? My fear is that they will assume that they CAN bring a date, and then day of the wedding they just show up. I don't know how to clarify without beig rude or offending anyone. Any advice would be appreciated!

aMrsin09

You address the invitation to them only.  If they RSVP for two, you call them and say you're sorry for the misunderstanding, but due to space restraints you can't accomodate any extra people, but you would love to meet thier SO when you return from your honeymoon.

crfische

You address the invite to them only. If on the RSVP, they put 2, you call them and say "While we would love for you to be able to bring a date, due to limited space, we have to stick to our guest list."

shellydiane820

Just put their name on the invite.

sarah0725

You send the invitation to them only, with no +1. If they RSVP for two, you call them and tell them that you're sorry, but only they were invited.

sarah0725

Apparently, we all have the same brain.

sarah.shepherd

I have been dealing with the same issue and was contemplating an enclosure card that said something to the effect of:

It is important to us to have you at our wedding but due to (insert reason here) we kindly ask that you do not bring a guest

Haven't made a final decision yet so I'd love to hear some feed back . . .

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-tell-single-friends-cant-bring-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:72f67f93-0f6b-4589-b00d-89bdf936bb1bPost:3404ba45-8f23-4b2c-a10b-f1bdd5c16390">Re: Need advice on how to tell single friends they can't bring dates.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been dealing with the same issue and was contemplating an enclosure card that said something to the effect of: It is important to us to have you at our wedding but due to (insert reason here) we kindly ask that you do not bring a guest Haven't made a final decision yet so I'd love to hear some feed back . . .
Posted by sarah.shepherd[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but this is a terrible idea. The procedure outlined above by the same brain with several different faces is the way to go.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-tell-single-friends-cant-bring-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72f67f93-0f6b-4589-b00d-89bdf936bb1bPost:3404ba45-8f23-4b2c-a10b-f1bdd5c16390">Re: Need advice on how to tell single friends they can't bring dates.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been dealing with the same issue and was contemplating an enclosure card that said something to the effect of: It is important to us to have you at our wedding but due to (insert reason here) we kindly ask that you do not bring a guest Haven't made a final decision yet so I'd love to hear some feed back . . .
Posted by sarah.shepherd[/QUOTE]

Terrible idea.  You are implying to your guests that you think they will be rude enough to RSVP with an uninvited guest.  Please don't risk insulting anyone and just take it on a case-by-case basis.

sarah.shepherd

Yeah my gutt says its not a great idea either that's why I haddn't made them yet ...

I know that etiquette says if the invite doesn't say "and guest" you don't bring a guest so I guess I just cross my fingers that people understand that . . .

We did have a friend that sent an email to the group of individuals they were asking not to bring a guest and they didn't have any issues with them . . . any feedback on that idea?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's not polite to point out who is NOT invited (your guest can't come, your children can't come). So like PP said, the best you can do is be explicit about who you ARE inviting by putting names on the envelopes.

flutgrl1

I would never invite my friends to something and not let them bring a date. But that is just me. I would either find something else to cut so they can have that option, or I would explain it personally to them in a nice/understand manner.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-tell-single-friends-cant-bring-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72f67f93-0f6b-4589-b00d-89bdf936bb1bPost:0ee0387b-5e1c-4a8d-bff1-430e51ae2545">Re: Need advice on how to tell single friends they can't bring dates.</a>:
[QUOTE]We did have a friend that sent an email to the group of individuals they were asking not to bring a guest and they didn't have any issues with them . . . any feedback on that idea?
Posted by sarah.shepherd[/QUOTE]

This is also rude.  You assume that your guests won't be rude until they do otherwise.  Do what is outlined above, or just invite the guests.

sarah.shepherd

Our situation is that there is a big group of us that are all very good friends and about half of us are either married, engaged, or have been dating someone for more than a year but the other half have been single for a while and we all go out as a group and hang out and the single people don't bring a dates.  We are inviting the group and just don't have the space to accommodate extra people.  I really don't foresee there being any issues with any of them but of course I've been trying to prepare for worst case scenario . . .

I'm going to go with just putting the names of the individual who is invited on the invitation (no and guest) and then if there is someone who RSVPs with a guest I will talk to them individually in person and explain the situation.

Thanks to everyone for the feedback and making me trust my gut on this and preventing me from being rude!!!  Much appreciated!!!!!

smokeybailey

I'm with Flute.  I'd never invite people to something without a guest.  That just strikes me as odd.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

You also should remember that it's possible these people WILL get serious SOs between now and the time your invitations go out, so try to aim for some wiggle room in case you need to invite an extra person or two.

If they don't know anyone, it's polite to let them bring a guest. If a lot of people they know will be at the wedding, its not necessary.

JMU_Bride09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-tell-single-friends-cant-bring-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:72f67f93-0f6b-4589-b00d-89bdf936bb1bPost:ff44ec77-f7b3-400f-97af-a1a4926df4fb">Re: Need advice on how to tell single friends they can't bring dates.</a>:
[QUOTE] we all go out as a group and hang out and the single people don't bring a dates.  Posted by sarah.shepherd[/QUOTE]

I think that since the usual group dynamic is that the married/engaged/coupled up friends bring their SOs to the group outings but that the single people come alone, having the same dynamic at your wedding will be fine.  I would say to go with your gut, and don't include anything that states to not bring a guest.  They will probably assume to do what they usually do, and if not, then you can deal with that.  Prepare for the worst mentally.  I hope that you don't have to have that uncomfortable conversation though :)  Good luck!

goheels05

Oh, God, flutgir1's back.  I thought she GBCKed. 

ktkittia

Be aware that no matter what you put on your invitations, people will still ask to bring dates.  I'm having a small wedding of 60 people and we decided not to let guests bring dates unless they had been dating for a significant amount of time.  Our invitations were addressed in two places: on the outer envelope and on the actual invitation.  We have had several people (who aren't in any kind of relationship) call and ask if they can bring a date.  Go ahead and prepare a response for those people when they call.  I just say, "No, we're having a small intimate wedding and don't have the budget to allow guests to come."  Our friends have been completely understanding of the situation.  Luckily, all of our guests know each other, so they won't feel as if they're alone at the wedding.

delicatedahlias

Not everyone can afford to pay for the extra catering. Should I refrain from inviting my own friends to my wedding (almost all of whom are under 25 and not in serious relationships) because I wouldn't be able to pay for it if they brought a guest? I'm sure they would rather be there.

rmmharrison

Well, I am having the same problem but we are planning for 150 people.  I have a big family and a lot of friends.  People automatically think "oh 150 you have room, why can't I bring the guy I just met yesterday?"  Not only do I not want to pay for people I don't know to eat, I would much rather have my college buddy attend than my aunts fling.  My family is the type that will put it back on me that they already invited their plus one and can't back out.  Also, my family does not have wedding etiquette.  Most people we are inviting don't know that M____ means Mr. or Ms. 

So, what to do for the etiquette impaired?

racheladine

I agree with PP, if they know a lot of other people (you mentioned that they're all part of the same group), then it's no biggie.  But as for the point of not allowing them to bring extras...another thing I've heard of is that on the response card you can say something to the effect of "Four seats have been reserved in your name. How many of your party will be attending?"  That generally works best with bigger groups of people though like a family or something, not necessarily one single person.