Not even a congratulatory card???

harmonicbabe

I'm sure this has been written about a million times but I am not going to dig through pages of posts...

We got married out of town a couple of weeks ago and had a pretty small wedding (under 50 people, us included). Our goal was to know and be friends/related to every single person there so it would be more meaningful for everyone.

After the fact, when we returned home and sorted everything we brought back, it turned out that about 14 people did not even give us a congratulatory card. 

I am so mad and disappointed...

I could not care less about gifts. We have everything we could want and need. But for people we've known for over a decade to not even give us a card as a memento and souvenire??!!
Shocking...

Even my co-workers left several cards on my desk before the wedding and I've only been here 5 months!

I am really upset and disappointed with my friends. Is it really so much effort to pick up a card at a Walgreens and write a quick note of personal well wishes???

Had to vent about that...

danieliza1127

Did they have to travel to be at your wedding?  Maybe they thought since they spent so much money and time traveling to actually BE there, that they didn't need to also give a gift.  Or maybe they're just young and haven't been to many weddings and didn't really think they needed to get you a card. 

Either way, it's fine to be disappointed, but just be glad that they were actually there to share the day with you.  A card is meaningless compared to the actual time you spent together on your wedding day.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-even-congratulatory-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:731f3c3d-851a-4fba-9da9-99202ddba1c0Post:56ca3baf-878f-4963-8f5e-04815ac7de36">Re: Not even a congratulatory card???</a>:
[QUOTE]Did they have to travel to be at your wedding?  Maybe they thought since they spent so much money and time traveling to actually BE there, that they didn't need to also give a gift.  Or maybe they're just young and haven't been to many weddings and didn't really think they needed to get you a card.  Either way, it's fine to be disappointed, but just be glad that they were actually there to share the day with you.  A card is meaningless compared to the actual time you spent together on your wedding day.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Ditto this, but I can see why you'd be disappointed

harmonicbabe

The wedding was about 3 hours car drive from where we all live, we're all in our 30s and we were the last couple out of our friends to get married... definitely not expensive or cumbersome to travel, and everyone has been to a million weddings by now...

Very disappointed...

AlexiaANDRobert

Ditto Dani.

I have a few adult relatives not even get us a card and it stung a little, but then I thought about fun it was just to hang out with them.

I'm a big card person, I give cards for EVERYTHING, but not everyone is the same...

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-even-congratulatory-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:731f3c3d-851a-4fba-9da9-99202ddba1c0Post:f1349d56-2026-42f7-90e9-fe5864d3391a">Not even a congratulatory card???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure this has been written about a million times but I am not going to dig through pages of posts... We got married out of town a couple of weeks ago and had a pretty small wedding (under 50 people, us included). Our goal was to know and be friends/related to every single person there so it would be more meaningful for everyone. After the fact, when we returned home and sorted everything we brought back, it turned out that about 14 people did not even give us a congratulatory card.  I am so mad and disappointed... I could not care less about gifts. We have everything we could want and need. But for people we've known for over a decade to not even give us a card as a memento and souvenire??!! Shocking... Even my co-workers left several cards on my desk before the wedding and I've only been here 5 months! I am really upset and disappointed with my friends. Is it really so much effort to pick up a card at a Walgreens and write a quick note of personal well wishes??? Had to vent about that...
Posted by harmonicbabe[/QUOTE]

If you were so concerned about the event being meaningful, I presume you enjoyed yourself and were happy to be surrounded by loved ones.  I therefore do not understand why you're so upset about a folded piece of paper.

RachNRich

We had a wedding even smaller wedding than yours. 27 people in total.

We received two cards. Two. Was I sad that we didn't get more cards? Sure. But The fact that everyone was able to make it to our wedding completely outweighed that sadness. Their presence meant more than a card.

ETA: We got gifts from these people, but no cards (cards are almost more fun for me to open than a gift). Are you upset about getting gifts and no cards? Or no gifts AND no cards?

shellydiane820

I don't see the big deal.  If they saw you at the wedding, I'm sure the wished you well there.

I'd rather get a congratulations in person than in some card that's going to end up in the garbage.

danieliza1127

Are you sure that cards or gifts weren't misplaced or lost?  Fourteen is a lot and if they are all adults and married, it does seem odd that they wouldn't have given you anything at all. 

BecW2be

Most etiquette dictates that guests have a year to send gifts. I got a ton of stuff delivered after my wedding, and just last week (6 months after the wedding) I had a guest email saying he was sending a gift this week. I hadn't even noticed he didn't give us one, but he traveled for the wedding.

I'd be a little sad too, but just be happy you are married and hopefully some of those guests will be sending a gift later. If not, at least it's one less thank you note you have to write! Bright side!

kate51485

FWIW I think people are less apt to bring a card these days if they send a gift in advance and have it shipped from whatever store.  I'm sure in decades past where ordering online was not an option, cards were much more prevalent since you had to actually bring a gift to the event.

tidetravel

Eh, we had several people not give us cards/gifts as well.  I had the same initial reaction that you did; not concerned about getting gifts, but a card would have been nice.

It sucked, I was disappointed, but I got over it.  You will too.  Or at least, I hope your friendships are worth more than a piece of paper.

AmoroAgain

Yeah, this happened to us.  Shockingly, it was my mom, both sisters, and an uncle who didn't even get us a card.  Do I hold it against them?  Absolutely.  It's one thing when it's friends, but for family not to do it?  Helllll no.  Yes, they have financial problems, but $1 for a card?  Come on.  Make one?  Yep, I'd take that too. 

I'm definitely bitter about it, but I'm not ruining a relationship over them either. 

janedoe1113a

There was a good bit of people who didn't give us a card and yes, it bugged me. 

[Deleted User]

Lots of people at our wedding didn't give us cards. But so what, they were at the wedding. We saw them, spoke to them, spent some time with them, so why is a card necessary? Plus they had to travel at least an hour, some more, so the fact that they were there was fine for us.

stinkerbell6879

We just went threw our stuff and out of 45 guest we received a total of 5 cards! Yes, I am a little hurt, but I will get over it and figure since they traveled they probably did not get a chance to stop and get a card.

andy71781

Ugh I'm becoming more of a card person but I must say that there were many weddings I went to and didn't give a card.  They are probably sending you presents (within the year but probably the next month or so).  Do you think you are suffering from anticlimatic wedding syndrome?  I'm so worried it will happen to me.  Keep your head up and look at your pretty pictures!

missy68

I had a few no card, no gift, no wedding attendance, and no reason - just I won't be there. That hurt. I got an email from one a month later when she needed a horror movie recommendation for her 12 year old that fit some certain criteria and she mentioned she'd seen it on the web feed - that was it.

stillundecided4

I'm getting married in June and I'm already prepping myself for no card/gifts from some guests. I never heard of going to a wedding without at least a card before the knot. It just seems weird to  me that someone wouldn't give you at least a card. I too would/will be disappointed, but it wouldn't end the relationship.

katiewhompus

I think we got 15 cards and 5 gifts from a 60 person wedding. What hurt the most was not getting a card (or even rsvp) from the other 50 people who were invited but could not attend, especially the ones who were really close to my family. But there's nothing you can do about it now so oh well.

I wonder if some people don't give cards because they can't afford to give a "high enough gift check". I know it sounds ridiculous, but I can almost see someone in their 30's going "If I just give her a card with no money she's going to think I'm cheap, but I can't afford a $50 gift and any less than that would be insulting."

Or something.

nicolepmarinelli

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-even-congratulatory-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:731f3c3d-851a-4fba-9da9-99202ddba1c0Post:f1349d56-2026-42f7-90e9-fe5864d3391a">Not even a congratulatory card???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sure this has been written about a million times but I am not going to dig through pages of posts...
Posted by harmonicbabe[/QUOTE]

It probably hasn't been written about a million times, because I'm pretty sure not that many people would find this such a big deal to cry about.

stillundecided4

Katie-- I never thought that could be a reason why someone wouldn't give a card. Good point.

katiewhompus

My grandmother once told my dad that was the reason why she didnt send me a birthday card. They were going through tough times and all she could afford ws $5 as a gift, but she didn't want to send just that because she was worried I would think she's cheap (um no?) and then got so bent up about it she never sent anything.