Security/door men

steppylove

Hey all!
A girl friend of mine is getting married next month and she is really worried about wedding crashers.
Would it be wrong for her to have door men at the wedding and at the reception?
Also what is the protocol for this type of thing?



Thanks!

KellyBrian2013

Unless you're having a consumption bar, I don't think wedding crashers are that big of a deal... just make sure that card boxes and the gift table are in a highly trafficked area that people can keep an eye on. We had two crashers telling people they were friends of mine from school, helping themselves to the cake table and open bar. DH approached them, said he'd come grab me so we could catch up, and they took off.

steppylove

When I say crashers I don't mean strangers per say. They could be people you know but are not friends with, you know how people think that because your getting married they are now one of your best friends We know a lot of people and there are some that like to invite themselves to places they are not invited to. So if you know a lot of people but want to keep your wedding a small event how would you do that?

KellyBrian2013

I would start by not sharing any details. How do they know exactly when/where the wedding is taking place?

steppylove

People like to talk..... She will be handing most of the invites out at church. It seems like people think that they are allowed to bring their friends with them when they are invited to a wedding and they are not married themselves

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_securitydoor-men?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7378504e-5e5f-4abb-b425-5f504d0be835Post:71ff77bc-0341-45b4-9ad8-f328f7ec64c7">Re: Security/door men</a>:
[QUOTE]People like to talk..... <strong>She will be handing most of the invites out at church.</strong> It seems like people think that they are allowed to bring their friends with them when they are invited to a wedding and they are not married themselves
Posted by steppylove[/QUOTE]
Then she should probably consder mailing them. <div>
</div><div>Is the ceremony at a church? </div><div>If so, that's actually considered a "public place" and members of the church (or I guess anyone for that matter) can attend the ceremony.</div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_securitydoor-men?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7378504e-5e5f-4abb-b425-5f504d0be835Post:71ff77bc-0341-45b4-9ad8-f328f7ec64c7">Re: Security/door men</a>:
[QUOTE]People like to talk..... She will be handing most of the invites out at church. It seems like people think that they are allowed to bring their friends with them when they are invited to a wedding and they are not married themselves
Posted by steppylove[/QUOTE]

<div>She should mail the invitations.  Handing them out at a place where there will be people who aren't invited is just inviting this problem.  </div><div>
</div><div>If any of her guests try to RSVP for extra guests, she should call and explain that she can't accomodate extras.  If anyone shows up with random strangers on the day of, they'll feel pretty silly when they see these people don't have seats.  </div>

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_securitydoor-men?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7378504e-5e5f-4abb-b425-5f504d0be835Post:71ff77bc-0341-45b4-9ad8-f328f7ec64c7">Re: Security/door men</a>:
[QUOTE]People like to talk..... She will be handing most of the invites out at church. It seems like people think that they are allowed to bring their friends with them when they are invited to a wedding and they are not married themselves
Posted by steppylove[/QUOTE]

She needs to mail the invitations.  Handing them out will create problems and possibly hurt feelings when she hands an invite to one person, and the person standing 2 feet away doesn't get one.   She needs to splurge on the postage.

And, make sure the RSVPs are specific about how many people are invited. 

something like:


"We have reserved 2 seats in your honor"

Attending _______
Decline   ________

SKPM

In Response to Re:Security/door men:[QUOTE]People like to talk.....
She will be handing most of the invites out at church.

It seems like people think that they are allowed to bring their friends with them when they are invited to a wedding and they are not married themselves Posted by steppylove[/QUOTE]
Are they in relationships? People in relationships, even if not married, need to be invited with their significant other listed by name, not "and guest". If she's concerned about people bringing their uninvited kids, neighbors, parents, etc. then PPs covered it.

lauraanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_securitydoor-men?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7378504e-5e5f-4abb-b425-5f504d0be835Post:71ff77bc-0341-45b4-9ad8-f328f7ec64c7">Re: Security/door men</a>:
[QUOTE]People like to talk..... She will be handing most of the invites out at church. It seems like people think that they are allowed to bring their friends with them when they are invited to a wedding and they are not married themselves
Posted by steppylove[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I had the mother of all wedding crasher attempts...my husband's ex wife was threatening to show up uninvited.</div><div>
</div><div>We got security and we let it be known that we were having security.  Unfortunately the ex had ALL the info as they have a daughter together...so to have her there the ex had to know the details.</div><div>
</div><div>So, we just hired security and stopped worrying about it.  Most of the guests thought it was a hoot.  My husband said it made him feel that he was at an exclusive event.</div>

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_securitydoor-men?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7378504e-5e5f-4abb-b425-5f504d0be835Post:c94a9517-0bca-42e7-b0a6-7ac3bd9c7ee9">Re:Security/door men</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Security/door men : This is the board rule.  All leading etiquette books limit required invites to spouses, fiancees, live in or long time relationships.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Seriously? You're a moron.

I'm glad you're okay with being rude and judgmental to your friends and family, but some people actually value those relationships with people beyond their PPD (that Cheater Daddy Moneybucks is paying for). If you'd like to cling to etiquette books as a way to be rude, that's fine - but for the love of all this is holy, stop propogating relationship damaging actions on this board.

steppylove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_securitydoor-men?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7378504e-5e5f-4abb-b425-5f504d0be835Post:994db1fe-bae8-4c85-b4ef-f59827b49843">Re: Security/door men</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Security/door men : I had the mother of all wedding crasher attempts...my husband's ex wife was threatening to show up uninvited. We got security and we let it be known that we were having security.  Unfortunately the ex had ALL the info as they have a daughter together...so to have her there the ex had to know the details. So, we just hired security and stopped worrying about it.  Most of the guests thought it was a hoot.  My husband said it made him feel that he was at an exclusive event.
Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]



This helps! Thanks! How did you do it? Did they have a list of who was allowed in or what?



And for everyone else. It's just a question, you guys don't have to start name calling and things of that nature. This site is for this purpose alone! Some people like to voice their own beliefs and OTHERS like to follow what the traditions say. It does not make either one wrong.

KatWAG

I had to have security at my wedding. Our venue required that we hired more than what they originally supplied. (FWIW, I wasnt worried about your typically wedding crashers, I got married the same weekend that NATO was in chicago and 10,000 protesters flooded the city)

We let all of our guests know that they had to bring IDs to enter our venue or they would not be let in, this rule applied to H and I also. So we had to go through the extra effort to make sure that we knew the names of everyone's dates ahead of time. We turned in out guest list to security and they checked people off as they came in.

I think my situation is very different from yours and could easily be avoided by mailing the invites.