To have a Bridal Shower or not?

hwoychowski

First off - not having it for myself. My MOH wants to throw it and has been asking for who I want to come so I just starting thinking about it. Lately, I have this feeling from my FI's family's side that they are happy for us but a little 'over it'. And I do not talk about the wedding with them or anything. (I only give details when they ask about it. OK - I have brought it up once to get the addresses to mail out the invites.) Here is what I mean: my FI was married before, it was a bad marraige and he was the first in the generation and it was a BIG deal. Well, they divorced and now this is my first marraige. I woudl like the idea of a bridal shower and all those fun things since my MOH offered. But I get the feeling like they will come only because they feel obligated. At our Engagement Party (we never asked or received gifts if that matters) they all came but I could tell they just weren't really feeling it. My family is all out of state and although they are coming for the wedding I would NEVER expect them to come for a BS too. Should I just not have one?

aragx6

What about just doing a shower with your friends only?

Simply Fated

What does your family and your friends think about it? I totally get where his family coming from, but it's your wedding, too, and as long as your family and friends aren't "over it" then why should you be denied a party?

LeiselEB

You could do a shower with just your side of the family and your friends. I would invite your FI's mother, though.

If your FI's family wants to have a shower for you someone on his side might offer to throw it. 

hwoychowski

His family and my MOH are both here. My family is in FL, they did not offer to throw one for me and I couldn't expect them to fly up here for a BS and the wedding. I could invite just friends and maybe his mom, but then I feel like I am leaving the rest of the family out...kinda double edged sword here. I feel like if I invite them they would think its obnoxious, but then slighted if I don't. Thats why I am wondering if I shoudl just scrap it to avoid the headache.

MJheartsWeddings

I don't think you should deny yourself a bridal shower.. I would just try to ignore their 'over it' attitude and enjoy yourself! 

hwoychowski

I feel like maybe they think it would be gift grabby? I know nothing should be mentioned about it and that they don't have to bring anything but is there a way to put it that would maybe highlight that point? I just like the idea of getting together with a group of women and having fun. I don't want them to be judging me on a wrong perception. I honestly could care less if no gifts were given at all - but I don't think they realize that.

Simply Fated

Would you consider having a shower for just friends? Maybe also invite the moms and grandmothers? Otherwise, have a small one with just some friends! if I sound pushy, I'm sorry, it's just I don't want you to not have one just because his family isn't into it, is all.

vantica

Agreed with PPs.  Have one!  I would even invite the "closer" FILs.  The ones you see more frequently.  Like his mom or sisters or aunts you might see frequently enough.  Don't worry about his second cousin 3 times removed.  This might actually be a good opportunity for them to realize that while it might not be a big deal for them, it is for YOU and the friends that are supporting you.  And if they really aren't into it, then they might not come, so even better for you.  And if they come, I doubt they'll be grumpy.  It's hard to have too much of an attitude when you and your friends are eating and drinking and having fun. 

Kate61487

I'd maybe approach it that you'll have the shower with your friends for sure.  Then mention to FMIL that your friend offered, would anyone from their side like to come?  That way if they really are feeling 'over it' she has an easy out ("oh you should just have this time with your friends") but she can give you a list if they would be interested.

transcriber87

I really wasn't expecting to have a bridal shower at all and I am def. not having a bachelorette party BUT, my Moms friend from work and her daughter is throwing me one next Sunday..Her daughter is married to my FI brother so Laura and her Mom decided I NEEDED to have one..well I do appreciate her thoughtfulness and was shocked when Mom told me! I have invited my grandma (who can't come because she is working) and a few of my closest friends, my Mom, bridesmaid and stepmom, FI sister and his Mom, Hopefully everyone can get along, his Mom and I have had some issues but surely, she can be on her best behavior for 2 hrs LOL!

pearlaqua

Did you throw yourself an engagement party? I couldn't tell from the OP.  In that case, then I see why maybe they think you're having a string of center-of-attention parties.

Either way, I think you could have a shower with friends and the ILs who are most immediate.

hwoychowski

Thank you for the great advice. I think I will get together with FI's mom and say that a friend offered and for her to let me know who may be interested.

As for the Engagement Party my mom flew up from Florida and put one together for us, she had not met the majority of the people and it ended up being more of a 'meet and greet' between her and Fi's family and our friends - exactly they way I wanted it. But that was about 2 1/2 years ago - when we first got engaged. So back-to-back is definitely NOT an issue!