Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Formal Attire definition

FI's company party is in January, and the invitation says "formal attire." It doesn't mention "black tie" or anything like that just "formal attire." It also states the theme is the Oscars and that we should "dress like you're attending the Oscars."

With a little bit of Google image search, that appears to be mostly tuxes or nice suits for men and long dresses for women. However, last year's company party was held at an equally nice venue, and most men wore suits or a dress shirt & tie and most women had cocktail dresses.

Based on last year's experience, I purchased this dress before we received the invitation:


Do you think this is appropriate? FI doesn't own a suit, so he'll probably go with the black dress shirt and tie again. I don't want to be the underdressed couple, but I just can't imagine a company party where most people would have tuxes and evening gowns. This is a place where everyone wears jeans to work.

P.S. I figured the etiquette crowd would give me better responses than attire & accessories, since they seem very wedding-focused.

Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition

  • If normal attire is jeans, I'd assume formal means "dress up more than work."  A suit and cocktail dress would likely be fine.  Does your fi have a sportcoat he can add to dress up his blackshirt and tie?

    And OMG, I love that dress.  I could never pull it off, so I'll live vicariously through you!
  • I love that dress. I think it would be perfect. If your FI wears a black dress shirt and pants, a red tie would look awesome. I know H and I still try to do the color coordinated thing whenever we go somewhere where we have to dress up nicely.
  • Technically, formal attire = black tie. Whether or not they mean to imply that is up for debate. Is there an HR rep he could talk to about it, or someone planning the party?
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  • That dress is stunning.  Go for it.  Just make sure to dress it up even more with the correct accessories.
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  • I think the dress you have is fine. When I was in college I was invited to a black tie/formal event and did not know what to wear. My bf at the time was wearing a tux so I thought I had to get a long dress. I borrowed a friend's old prom dress and wore that only to find most people were just wearing cocktail dresses (and this was a military event, so in general involved people who dress up more than jeans for work.)

    I think what you have is fine. It is a pretty dress and definetly has a "hollywood glamour" look to it. Your FI should be fine in a nice shirt and tie. Overall I think "formal attire" is much more open to interpretation than "black tie."

    Also, I am intrigued that your FI does not own a suit. But I  live in DC, where everyone wears a suit all day every day.
  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2010
    Thank you ladies!

    MissySue - Guess what I got him for Christmas? He doesn't really like red, but I found a pretty awesome tie.

    msmerymac - It's a small company, so the HR person is also the party planner. I'll see if FI can ask her. I'd be pretty surprised if they really meant black tie. And even if they did, knowing the guys that work there--it wouldn't happen.

    Anna - I do think he should get a suit for interviews and formal events; he's just never really had the need to buy one, and it's not in the budget right now. My suit only sees the light of day for interviews.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-formal-attire-definition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73a17910-51a1-4874-abdb-7a20ca5e2650Post:81398d3c-489d-47b4-903b-e518d9a18e23">Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you ladies! MissySue - <strong>Guess what I got him for Christmas? He doesn't really like red, but I found a pretty awesome tie</strong>. msmerymac - It's a small company, so the HR person is also the party planner. I'll see if FI can ask her. I'd be pretty surprised if they really meant black tie. And even if they did, knowing the guys that work there--it wouldn't happen.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

    Good thinking. Yeah, the reds don't have to match perfectly bc that is so hard anyway, but you got the idea. I am sure it will contrast nicely against that dress.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-formal-attire-definition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73a17910-51a1-4874-abdb-7a20ca5e2650Post:70f52584-8060-4dfb-88c9-dede310bbf2e">Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the dress you have is fine. When I was in college I was invited to a black tie/formal event and did not know what to wear. My bf at the time was wearing a tux so I thought I had to get a long dress. I borrowed a friend's old prom dress and wore that only to find most people were just wearing cocktail dresses (and this was a military event, so in general involved people who dress up more than jeans for work.) I think what you have is fine. It is a pretty dress and definetly has a "hollywood glamour" look to it. Your FI should be fine in a nice shirt and tie. Overall I think "formal attire" is much more open to interpretation than "black tie." <strong>Also, I am intrigued that your FI does not own a suit. But I  live in DC, where everyone wears a suit all day every day.
    </strong>Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

    Neither H nor I own super-formal attire.  H has a sportcoat and slacks, but not a matchy-matchy suit, and I don't have any formal dresses.  However, we have no need for them.  H has worn his sportcoat and slacks exactly 2 times since he got them 3 years ago - once for an interview and once for a fancy dinner.  Things here just aren't fancy at all, and I'm assuming since the OP is in Northern CA that it's the same there.
  • Super cute dress! And yes i think it will be just fine.
  • Yeah, I have a few suits for interviews and funerals. H never had a suit until he graduated from college a few years ago when he had to go out and buy a few versatile pieces for interviews. He doesn't have that kind of job that requires a suit.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-formal-attire-definition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73a17910-51a1-4874-abdb-7a20ca5e2650Post:1dc04731-606b-4511-af59-2108e136dcca">Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition : Neither H nor I own super-formal attire.  H has a sportcoat and slacks, but not a matchy-matchy suit, and I don't have any formal dresses.  However, we have no need for them.  H has worn his sportcoat and slacks exactly 2 times since he got them 3 years ago - once for an interview and once for a fancy dinner.  Things here just aren't fancy at all, and I'm assuming since the OP is in Northern CA that it's the same there.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]


    I didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong with not owning a suit, I just thought it was interesting. People in DC probably dress more conservatively/formally than anywhere else in the country. Also, I am kind of jealous, I wish I could wear jeans to work instead of a skirt and hose everyday.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-formal-attire-definition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73a17910-51a1-4874-abdb-7a20ca5e2650Post:1dc04731-606b-4511-af59-2108e136dcca">Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition : Neither H nor I own super-formal attire.  H has a sportcoat and slacks, but not a matchy-matchy suit, and I don't have any formal dresses.  However, we have no need for them.  H has worn his sportcoat and slacks exactly 2 times since he got them 3 years ago - once for an interview and once for a fancy dinner.  Things here just aren't fancy at all, and I'm assuming since the OP is in Northern CA that it's the same there.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Ohhh, yes, you're in Portland. In SoCal, I don't know anyone who wears a suit to work every day. My H usually wears khakis and a button down, or sometimes even a more casual shirt. </div><div>
    </div><div>I always feel kind of silly going on interviews in a suit because I'm always BY FAR the most dressed-up person in the office. Most people at my company wear jeans.</div>
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  • I personally love the dress and think it would be very appropriate.  If you do decide against it though, I'll gladly take it off your hands ;-)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-formal-attire-definition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:73a17910-51a1-4874-abdb-7a20ca5e2650Post:3ec40f87-83ff-4c24-8455-136db2950bbf">Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition : I didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong with not owning a suit, I just thought it was interesting. People in DC probably dress more conservatively/formally than anywhere else in the country. Also, I am kind of jealous, I wish I could wear jeans to work instead of a skirt and hose everyday.
    Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

    I didn't take it that way at all anna!  It's just that things are so laidback here.  I've never been invited to anything, outside of my prom, that was black tie.  Sometimes I wish things here were more formal.  It'd be nice to have a chance to dress up now and again!  I've been to a few weddings here with a guest or two from the east coast and you can totally pick them out of a crowd.  Everyone here wears what you might consider church clothes to a wedding, whereas the guests from the east coast were in cocktail dresses.
  • Just out of pure curiosity, what do all of your FIs/H wear to weddings if they don't have a suit? Just a shirt and tie? 

    This might just be something I picked up from my family though, so I may be completely wrong about that! 
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2010
    Shirt and tie, sometimes a sweater and slacks depending on the formality.  We both wore a sweater and slacks to the most recent wedding we attended.  The bride's dad wore jeans.
  • Mine wears a shirt & tie to weddings, though around here, it's not like he stands out by doing so. Most people do wear suits, but no one will be shunned for just having a nice shirt & tie with nice slacks. FI has expressed interest in getting a suit, but it's not a high priority at the moment.
  • I think it's fine to not own a suit, but you should always have a jacket.  Even if it's just a plain black one.  JMO. :)  But then again, H is a suit whore and a blazer whore, so....
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-formal-attire-definition?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:73a17910-51a1-4874-abdb-7a20ca5e2650Post:ce14f80e-34be-4081-a2c1-28fc23f9742d">Re: NWR: Formal Attire definition</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's fine to not own a suit, but you should always have a jacket.  Even if it's just a plain black one.  JMO. :)  But then again, H is a suit whore and a blazer whore, so....
    Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]


    My FI is also a complete suit whore. Every time Brooks Brothers has a sale he tries to justify buying a new one. I bet your H has some awesome suits if he has been buying them in Europe the last few years.
  • oh my!! I love love love that dress! it would be a total shame if you DIDNT wear it
  • The dress is fine.  I used to work at a place that had a black tie optional dress code very year.  There were some folks that didn't wear black tie but went with something very "nice."  Your dress fits right in.

    I am with the PP about the suits though.  I thought every guy in his 20's/30's/40's had at least one suit for funerals and weddings.  Even my dad has one.  I don't know anyone who wears suits to work on a daily basis but I just figured every guy had one just like every girl ususally has a go to dress (usually black) that will work in a pinch for going out and then another outfit that would work for a funeral. 

    I guess if a guy has a few jackets, he's in good shape.  A guy definitley needs at least one blue or black blazer at a minium since "jacket required" does happen on occasion.
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