Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?

Ksahlberg

So my co-workers, who I'm pretty close with (I'm also invited to their upcoming weddings) came to my wedding and didn't provide cards and/or gifts. No biggie, I sent them both thank you cards just for coming. However, one co-worker sent me a long e-mail explaining that she didn't want to leave a "wad of cash" in a box at my reception. I get back to work after a long weekend away and she says she'll give it to me during the week. The week goes by and nothing. I called out on the following Monday and she texts me that I'll just have to wait for my gift because she had vacation that week. Okay...
It's been 4 weeks now and nothing. I'm not expecting anything, especially now that so much time has past. I just thought it was kind of weird that she went the lengths of explaining that she had a gift and then didn't provide anything. Also, she's been talking so much about her upcoming wedding and expecting a lot out of people (registering for over 5 stores for things like couches, thousand dollar dining tables, etc.) and saying that she thinks it's tacky when people don't even provide cards when they go to weddings... mmmhhmmm

rebarobert2012

I hate it when people make a point of telling you they are getting you a gift and then they don't.  It's best just to let it go, though.  I mean, what could you really say anyway?

If you want to get her a gift for her wedding, that's fine.  If you don't, that's fine, too.

Juris11

I too understand your annoyance because why say you have a gift if you really don't and especially don't keep reminding me of it, but I do agree it is best to let it go.

LDYGTR13

Let it go - always just let it go.

annakb8

Let it go. 

ski2play

ditto, Set the puppy free!

Ksahlberg

What do I get her for her wedding then?

dumdumfroggie

You get her a gift if you want.  If you don't want to give a gift, that's also fine.

Gifts are not requirements.  That's why they are called gifts.

redheadfsu

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-question-say-anything-let?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:74638d5e-8550-457d-9652-92f760c95997Post:9cca671d-2459-4ef9-bcb5-6f667c9ded08">Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?</a>:
[QUOTE]What do I get her for her wedding then?
Posted by Ksahlberg[/QUOTE]

A gift is never required. So you give whatever you can afford & want to give her.

Her gift to you (or lack of it) should have no effect on your gift to her.</div>

heyjude23

Let it go. Also, wedding gifts aren't tit for tat. If you want to get her a gift for her wedding and can afford to, then do so.  Don't refuse to bring her a wedding present just out of spite though.

achiduck

I would let it go with a a giant eyeroll.

toothpastechica

lol, forget it ever happened....but i would probably jump in and join her conversations about how tacky it is when people dont give anything....just because its funny that shes pointing that out when she didnt!! HAHAH...jk... But in all seriousness...if shes planning a wedding she might have been pre-occupied and forgot, or honestly not have the finances to get you something and since she thinks its tacky to not give anything gave you an explination as to why, in hopes you would forget and not think of her as tacky...as much as i do think its tacky to email someoen and tell them you are going to give them somethign and dont...theres not really anything you can do about it, and i wouldnt bring it up.

MattsPenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-question-say-anything-let?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:74638d5e-8550-457d-9652-92f760c95997Post:2c1ad2f7-21f9-4c45-9e18-a06bc2569901">Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Let it go - always just let it go.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

So smart.

Kate61487

Let it go.  Give her what you would have had she never mentioned the gift.

One of H's aunts was a no-show for our wedding.  She FB messaged me to apolgize for not coming and asked for our address so they could send the card.  It never came - oh well.  I don't really care that they didn't give us anything, but I do find it really odd when someone makes a point of telling you there's a gift coming and then nothing. 

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-question-say-anything-let?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74638d5e-8550-457d-9652-92f760c95997Post:9cca671d-2459-4ef9-bcb5-6f667c9ded08">Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?</a>:
[QUOTE]What do I get her for her wedding then?
Posted by Ksahlberg[/QUOTE]

Whatever you would have gottern her even if she did bring you a gift.  Gifts are not tit for tat.

Ksahlberg

Thanks Ladies! I figured as much, but it felt good to explain that scenario

Milsey32

Ugh. This bothers me just because I know people (at least one specific person) who always tell me they have gifts for me (Christmas, birthday, etc) and I'll get it later or blah blah blah. I just don't see why they have to lie if they didn't get anything.  

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-question-say-anything-let?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74638d5e-8550-457d-9652-92f760c95997Post:330fa8d0-a0cb-499f-ae95-a667f7b43143">Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Let it go. I mean, what would you say, "Where is that gift you owe me?"
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

 Agreed. What she is going is bar form but there unfortunately there is nothing you can really do about it.

ILoveToRobot

Tell her you bought that $1,000 dining room table but you didn't want to leave it laying around at her reception.  

[Deleted User]

Don't get her anything for her wedding! 

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-question-say-anything-let?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:74638d5e-8550-457d-9652-92f760c95997Post:c2f4bd39-0f5f-4209-84bf-ed9b722c45db">Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't get her anything for her wedding! 
Posted by halie520[/QUOTE]

Yes, because keeping score is an important part of healthy relationships. 

kalpi108

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gift-question-say-anything-let?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74638d5e-8550-457d-9652-92f760c95997Post:caaeec5a-2851-44c3-926f-f7391ba9e264">Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gift Question: Say anything or let it go? : Yes, because keeping score is an important part of healthy relationships. 
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Duh.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Yeah, you should let it go and get her a gift if you want to and don't if you don't want to.</div>

Ksahlberg

I LovetoRobot: you are awesome