Including Grandmas

brittonyzammit

I am sorry if this gets confusing....

My maternal grandmother passed nearly ten years ago and she and I were incredibly close, both of my fiance's grandmothers have passed. So. I am wearing my maternal grandma' garter (with an extra that can be thrown), my fiance's paternal grandmother's wedding pearls that all of his female cousins will be able to wear. I have also asked my great-grandma if she has something that I could include as she and my great-grandfather have the longest marriage in my family and I am also going to ask my fraternal grandmother to borrow a rosary to put in my bouqet. 

Now, my problem is my dad remarried when I was 3 so my step-grandmother has been involved in my life for quite a while but I don't have a special bond with her. I am concerned that if I don't ask her to borrow something she will be hurt but I also don't want my grandmother's to feel less important (my families don't get along with my step-mom). I also feel like it is getting to be alot of things borrowed and I don't want to stress over all of the extra stuff. 

Am I obligated to include my step-grandmother in borrowing something from her wedding day? I can't think of anything that I could ask to borrow as I feel most things have been covered. 

If this is too confusing let me know and I can try to explain it in a different way.

Thanks in advance!!!

itzMS

How would step-grandma know that you have something of each of the other grandmothers'?

Keep it to yourself, and there should be no issue.

brittonyzammit

In Response to Re: Including Grandmas:

My concern with this is after I talk to my dad's mom I am certain it will come up when she talks to my dad. Then, obviously my dad will tell my step-mom and then it gets out. 

s-aries8990

You're including things from those who you and FI are close with. Don't stress. If you aren't close with her, it would be more inappropriate to ask her for something.

jessicabessica

You're not obligated to include something from her.  If you're not close (and the feeling is mutual), then it seems like she would not expect to be asked.  If she's perfectly nice and warm toward you, you just don't feel a special bond, consider if it's whether potentially hurting her feelings.  

If you don't want her to find out, can you just ask your other grandmas to keep it private between the two of you?

MrsGandthebeag

I think you are way over thinking this.  

stantokm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_including-grandmas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74c8df2d-a6e8-43ec-b7ba-6c171c3dcd17Post:c33d7fb6-86e8-44da-86df-cb5492781c57">Including Grandmas</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry if this gets confusing.... My maternal grandmother passed nearly ten years ago and she and I were incredibly close, both of my fiance's grandmothers have passed. So. I am wearing my maternal grandma' garter (with an extra that can be thrown), my fiance's paternal grandmother's wedding pearls that all of his female cousins will be able to wear. I have also asked my great-grandma if she has something that I could include as she and my great-grandfather have the longest marriage in my family and I am also going to ask my fraternal grandmother to borrow a rosary to put in my bouqet.  Now, my problem is my dad remarried when I was 3 so my step-grandmother has been involved in my life for quite a while but I don't have a special bond with her. I am concerned that if I don't ask her to borrow something she will be hurt but I also don't want my grandmother's to feel less important<strong> (my families don't get along with my step-mom). I</strong> also feel like it is getting to be alot of things borrowed and I don't want to stress over all of the extra stuff.  Am I obligated to include my step-grandmother in borrowing something from her wedding day? I can't think of anything that I could ask to borrow as I feel most things have been covered.  If this is too confusing let me know and I can try to explain it in a different way. Thanks in advance!!!
Posted by brittonyzammit[/QUOTE]

<div>I just wanted to point out that it shouldn't matter if your families don't like your stepmom if YOU like her.  Since you're concerned about her feelings and her mother's, I get the impression that you have a good relationship with her.  You're not obligated to include anyone who you don't want to include, but don't be concerned about your other family members getting upset--it's none of their business and it would be petty of them to get upset with you for wanting to include a non-blood relative.  I doubt that they'd actually have a problem, though.</div>