To invite or not invite?

ilovewaves

My Fiance and I are disagreeing about whether to invite a friend to the wedding. I should say that she is originally his friend, although we (did) consider her a reasonably good friend to both of us.
It was our engagement party recently, and this friend RSVPd as attending. Two days before the party, I received an email from her saying that she had found out her uncle was having a surprise birthday party that night, and there would be family there she hadn't seen for a while, and as such wanted to spend time with them - so she couldn't come to the party. This was fine with us.
Turns out that a few days later pictures were posted on facebook, showing her at a dance party. I'm really upset as she purposefully lied and misled us about why she couldn't come. I say that if it's not that important to her (and a dance party is more) then why should she be invited to our wedding. My Fiance doesn't think it's so bad. I don't want to take a spot up with someone who doesn't value truth and a friends' engagement. What do people think?

Soon2BeMrsTing

Have you talked to her?  Is it possible she went to a dance party with her cousins or other family members?  Please don't do anything before having a conversation with her to clear things up.  You may very well be wrong in some assumptions here.

If you've sent her a STD, you do need to invite her.  Unless, of course, she does something so awful the friendship ends. 

ilovewaves

Thanks for your reply : )
We haven't sent STD yet...
The photos that were posted were actually with friends from our extended group ( with one girl who said she couldn't come as she had already purchased tix to the dance party, and the other was with another girl who RSVPd and then blatantly just didn't turn up, let alone apologise later). I suppose there could be other explanations, but I'm a little dubious. I just think a bit of honesty goes a long way and I doubt the family that was over whom she had to spend time with e.g. uncles were dancing the night away at a rave! : ) thanks for your advice though - i will try and talk to her about it when i feel a little less emotional about it.

Sapphire1002

I agree with PP - talk to her and give her the opportunity to either come clean or explain her evening.  It's not good to assume in these situations and hopefully you can work it out.

akhensley81

I would feel hurt too, for sure. But I would recommend that you still invite her. If she feels she needs to lie her way out of it, all she's doing is making herself look bad.

tidetravel

Ahhh...  FB.  The act of missing the engagement party really isn't that big of a deal.  Lying about it, and then partying with friends instead?  That's pretty crappy.  The two of you need to decide if you still want to be friends with someone like that, wedding issues aside.  If you decide it's worth it to keep the friendship, then she's invited.  If not, then end the friendship.  Obviously, if you're no longer friends, then she wouldn't be invited to the wedding.

jerseydevil

You don't know what happened, maybe she went out dancing after the family party? It's just the engagement party, not that big a deal, IMO.

She shouldn't have lied to you - being honest should be a fundamental part of friendship, but please don't blow it out of proportion either.

becunning2

What is your fiance's reason for wanting to still invite her?  Is it worth the possibility of no longer having a friendship with her?  After all, an invite to the engagement party and then NO invite to a wedding can absolutely only be taken as an affront from the friend's perspective.

While I think I do not condone lying at all and I think it reflects poorly on your friend, I'm not sure that this is as big of a deal as you're making it out to be.  It's not like she showed up drunk, acted irresponsibly, and ruined your engagement party.  She cancelled, two days in advance, and then went and had fun doing something she obviously wanted to do.  And, maybe out of a misguided attempt to spare your feelings, she quite possibly lied about having family in town.  Not a friendship killer outright--though no expected wedding invite might end up a friendship killer.

People do need to be more careful with facebook though.  It allows for a lot of foot-in-mouth moments!