Reception Length Thoughts??

Jessa1404

Hi Ladies,

I'm in the middle of planning my reception now and need to make some decisions. My wedding ceremony will be at 2pm--the latest time my church allows.  I'm planning to have a cocktail hour at the reception venue from 5pm-6pm.  Now, I'm trying to decide whether to have my reception run from 6-9 or 6-10.  Any thoughts on what you would prefer?  I haven't been to many weddings, so I don't have a great grasp on these things.  I definitely don't want guests to feel like the reception is dragging and too long, but I don't want to send everyone home when the party is still in full swing.  There will be a slight additional cost for the extra hour (for venue and DJ), but I think our budget can handle it if that means our guests will have a better time.  TIA for any help you can give me!!

princess pop

I also think the gap between the ceremony and the reception is too long. Start the cocktail hour earlier, and I would definitely opt for the extra hour.

AddieCake

With a gap that long, the length of your reception would not affect me b/c I would go home long before it started. That's the issue you need to fix first. 

Jessa1404

The gaps are pretty standard where I'm from.  Most churches in my area won't have ceremonies later than 2:30, and people tend to prefer evening/dinner receptions.  I've never heard anyone complain about the gap.  They usually find something to do, whether it's going back to their hotel rooms to freshen up or getting a drink somewhere to kill time. 

Maggie0829

The gap needs to be removed and the reception/cocktail hour needs to start at 3pm or
3:30pm depending on the distance between your church and reception venue.  From there you can have cockatil hour from 3-4 and the reception can end at 8pm or 9pm depending on how long you want it to last.

aRachel21

Jessa- are most guests from out of town, or do they live nearby?  Also, what is the distance between the church and the reception?

getaclue44

We did church at 2 Cocktails 3:30 to 5 Reception 5 to 9:30 We were the only reception our venue had that day so they were really flexible. How long does it take to get from church to venue?

manjermj

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-length-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7507f8b7-d47a-4fec-8523-266a98b96dcbPost:82852099-ea64-4ae2-8c48-0bca982d2db1">Re: Reception Length Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]The gaps are pretty standard where I'm from.  Most churches in my area won't have ceremonies later than 2:30, and people tend to prefer evening/dinner receptions.  I've never heard anyone complain about the gap.  They usually find something to do, whether it's going back to their hotel rooms to freshen up or getting a drink somewhere to kill time. 
Posted by Jessa1404[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Gaps are also extremely common and quite honestly expected where I am from as well - especially with Catholic weddings. </div><div>
</div><div>I would opt for the extra hour, but maybe start the cocktail hour a 1/2 earlier to lessen the gap a bit. 

</div>

AJuliaNJ

As a wedding guest, I would prefer the gap to having a reception that ended really early. If they went directly to cocktail hour, the whole thing would be over by 9pm, which would not be conducive to a party atmosphere (assuming that's what OP wants). I've been to weddings with a gap (before everyone started doing "first looks", it was pretty common for there to be a gap so the bridal party could get photos). Some venues had a bar so you could head over and hang out there until the cocktail hour began, or else going back to the hotel seems like a viable option. You could always provide some recommendations of places they could go in the meantime so people could hang out with a group while they wait.

bridalmarch

I loathe gaps. We wanted an evening reception but also wanted to get married in a church. In the end we chose the church - also a 2:00 ceremony. Cocktail hour is 3:30-4:30, reception is 4:30-8:30. 

Even if I'm local, once I'm all dressed up I don't want to go back to the hotel, back home, out to lunch, etc. I want to go to the rception. If you choose a church wedding, you sacrifice an evening recepton. That's just the way it goes. We're planning on going out to a bar after the reception, so it's not like the party will be totally over by 9. 

misssunshine17

Just because gaps are common doesn't mean it's not rude. 

lindsaynewbride10

Well from what i can tell we have the exact same day-of timing. My parish required a cemeony start time of 2p, it was a full mass, ending shortly after 3p. I began the cocktail hour at 5p, we arrived to start the reception at 6p, and wrapped up at 10p. I was bummed when it ended at 10p, so I can only assume you would be super bummed if it ended at 9p. Pay the fee for an extra hour. It will be worth every penny.

OliveOilsMom

I specifically had a Friday church ceremony so that we could avoid the gap and have the evening reception.  My parents who were married back in 1970 had an afternoon ceremony and evening reception, so there was a gap.  BUT, each half of the family had a place to go before the reception for cocktails and food.  After my parents had their pictures, they visited both of the relatives homes to begin visiting with guests prior to the reception.

If you cannot move the ceremony or reception time to accomodate the gap, then you need to host your guests in between somehow.  You can't just let them fend for themselves, that's rude.

AndreaJulia - the purpose of the cocktail hour is to provide time for the B&G to get pictures.  While B&G can get pictures done during the gap, there is then no need for a cocktail hour and the dinner should begin immediately, forgoing the cocktail hour.  But gaps should be avoided at all costs.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-length-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7507f8b7-d47a-4fec-8523-266a98b96dcbPost:0ea39be0-f9c2-4aef-b2fb-b469999591bb">Re: Reception Length Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because gaps are common doesn't mean it's not rude. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

I have to agree.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-length-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7507f8b7-d47a-4fec-8523-266a98b96dcbPost:0ea39be0-f9c2-4aef-b2fb-b469999591bb">Re: Reception Length Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because gaps are common doesn't mean it's not rude. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. As a guest, I would be annoyed by it, even if it were standard for the area. It's like all the brisket I ate while living in Texas. I discovered it is pretty standard for events there, and every time I was like, "Oh, good. Brisket. Again."  </div>

Jessa1404

Thanks for all of your input.  To answer some questions, some of the guests are from the area, but a lot are coming from out of town, too.  I can only think of one couple who might drive to the wedding and back the same day (they live about an hour away), and I'm pretty sure they would be understanding of the gap and may even opt to get the hotel room anyway.  We blocked rooms at a hotel that's only about 5 minutes from the reception, and we will have shuttles running back and forth to make it easier on the guests.  The reception venue is about 20-30 minutes from the church.  Maybe I could move up the cocktail hour or find something fun to do in the interim.   I agree the gap isn't ideal, but all of your suggestions are helping!

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-length-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7507f8b7-d47a-4fec-8523-266a98b96dcbPost:06950ac8-87de-4806-80d2-486a01a49a2d">Re: Reception Length Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]AndreaJulia - the purpose of the cocktail hour is to provide time for the B&G to get pictures.  While B&G can get pictures done during the gap, there is then no need for a cocktail hour and the dinner should begin immediately, forgoing the cocktail hour.  But gaps should be avoided at all costs.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

I understand that, but people do also use the gap for this. I had no role in planning these weddings; just stating the facts.

lyndausvi

I grew up Catholic and loath gaps.   Lucky for me I've only attend 2 out of 45+ weddings (with 90% being Catholic).   The first was awesome.  I had another wedding that day, I so I blew off the ceremony of the person who had the gap to attend the reception of of the person who didn't have a gap.  Then I attend the reception of the gap person. 

Then second one?   Well that story is too long, but lets just say 16 years later I'm still pissed

Anyway my family always seem to get around gaps.  They either pick venues that only have one wedding a day or they choose to have the ceremony early.     Regardless of the time of day every wedding had full meals, open bars and packed dance floors.  So I guess I don't get the whole "only evening weddings have the party atmosphere" logic.


To answer your question:   My wedding was a 5.  Cocktail was at 5:30 (same venue).  It was over at 10:30pm.  I thought that was prefect.   So I say do the 10pm end time.

Mandaw0515

Gaps are also very common where Im from in NY. My ceremony will be ending between 2:30- 3:00 and the reception is at 6:00 pm and goes till 11:00. I think were opting for the xtra hour so 6-12.. I guess it depends on the people your inviting. Do they tend to be out late partiers, or more mellow in bed early people? Thats how I would judge it.

Jessa1404

My venue does only have one wedding per day, so I have some flexibility on start time.  I just thought my guests would prefer having the gap and then the full evening of entertainment, instead of everything ending at 7:30 or 8:30 p.m.  I do want the "party atmosphere," and we are also hoping to do sky lanterns over the water, so it will at least have to last until it gets dark.  The wedding is in early September .

TKzilla

I'd skip the gap. I think it's inconvenient to have your guests drive from hotel to ceremony to hotel to reception to hotel. 

FWIW, our ceremony starts at 5 and our reception will be over by 10pm. If anyone wants to "party" afterward, we can go out to a bar. But honestly... five hours of wedding is going to be enough for me, and I'm the bride!

Mandaw0515

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-length-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7507f8b7-d47a-4fec-8523-266a98b96dcbPost:ad11d709-3b36-41a6-80fc-7f267473e40e">Re: Reception Length Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]My venue does only have one wedding per day, so I have some flexibility on start time.  I just thought my guests would prefer having the gap and then the full evening of entertainment, instead of everything ending at 7:30 or 8:30 p.m.  I do want the "party atmosphere," and we are also hoping to do sky lanterns over the water, so it will at least have to last until it gets dark.  The wedding is in early September .
Posted by Jessa1404[/QUOTE]


I think that sounds wonderful.. I personally as a guest would prefer to be that way and party till later on instead of 8-9, but thats my personal opinion.

monkeysip

I don't mean to hijack, but this has me worried a little too.

Our cocktail hour begins at 4, but dinner isn't until 6 (per the venue... they won't serve until 6).  I figure cocktail hour until 5, then we can come in and do first dance, parent dances, and open the dance floor for a little bit.  Then dinner from 6-6:45 or whatever.  Cut the cake around 7, then have two hours left of dancing because we really can't afford the place past 9.  We're already paying $600 for an extra hour (plus whatever alcohol is consumed), and we really can't afford ANOTHER $600 to keep the place until 10:00.

I feel like 4-9 is enough partying time, but I hope people don't feel like the party's over too early.  We can always go to a bar or something afterwards. 

thejucheidea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-length-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7507f8b7-d47a-4fec-8523-266a98b96dcbPost:262c5a46-b7cd-43f2-9ad1-37a3acf1bedc">Re: Reception Length Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception Length Thoughts?? : The last one of these FI and I spent three hours in formal wear <strong>drinking light beer at an old man bar</strong>. 
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

I laughed inappropriately loudly at this.

ETA: This is all I could think about when thinking about formal wear in an old man bar:


<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/11/5319a470-e142-45fe-9b08-de5f6cf0fc11.large.png" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/11/5319a470-e142-45fe-9b08-de5f6cf0fc11.medium.png" alt="" /></a>

STARMOON44

I think you should go for the extra hour, and I love the gap. Gives me a chance to wear appropriate church clothes in the afternoon, and evening dress for the ceremony. My pet peeve is "black tie" for a 4 pm wedding with no gap. In my experience, people who can't handle the gap just skip the ceremony.

Jessa1404

Mandaw--That was more of less what I was thinking, only my reception would be an hour earlier.  Are you planning anything for your guests to do in between the ceremony and reception?  This thread has me getting worried.  

tesskerr

Your weddings all end so early! No offense, I am from New Zealand, and we are huge (it's actually really terrible) drinkers. Most weddings I have been to start around 2:30-3:00. 

If they are at a church, there is family photos and sandwhichs at the church for say an hour, after the wedding (3ish-4ish) then the wedding party go and get their photos done. 

There is usually a gap of around 1-2 hours (I cannot stand this gap, especially if it is over 1 hour). If the ceremony and reception is at 1 venue, then cocktail hour will usually start straight away, and usually go for 1.5 hours (say in the garden of the hotel) while the wedding party have photos. Then move to reception room, piss around for 30-60 mins (talking to everyone etc) drinking more bubbles, then have dinner for 1-1.5 hours, maybe even longer, with gaps between each course, more bubbles! The "dance" would usually start at around 9, and go till midnight.

Going to a wedding is def a whole day event. They cost so much money, I think people think I may as well just spend a little more and make it last as long as possible. Most NZ weddings have 80-120 guest, 150 would be considered large, 200+ unheard of. I have heard the average NZ wedding is $36,000 (about $30,000 US, or 1 year income in NZ) thought most of my friends have spend $15,000-$25,000, that is considered more "budget"

Sorry that got really long and had nothing to do with the question! I think it is obviously different in the US, but a wedding would NEVER end before 10pm here. If anything the gap would just be longer (ugh!) and the reception would start later.

Jessa1404

Mandaw--That was more of less what I was thinking, only my reception would be an hour earlier.  Are you planning anything for your guests to do in between the ceremony and reception?  This thread has me getting worried.  

Simply Fated

monkeysip, I can get just as drunk at 7pm as I can at 10pm. I think it's ridiculous that some people need certain times of the day to "let loose." If anything, the later it gets, the more tired I get and the LESS I want to party. Also, I tend to have to work weekends, so I always prefer earlier end times. It gives me a chance to get home and sleep before I have to get up early for work. I loathe these "Catholic gaps." I went to one where the ceremony and reception venues were too far to just drive home to during the gap, but it certainly made no sense to get a hotel room. We ended up wasting time in a seedy part of town in our best clothes. It sucked.

Summer2011Bride

I just don't understand the thought process that just because some people do something, it automatically makes it OK. Plenty of people talk with their mouths full or burp loudly in public, but I still find both of those actions really rude and poor etiquette. Just because some people do gaps does not mean it isn't rude and doesn't mean people are OK with it; silence on the part of guests does not equate with liking something.

I would push the ceremony back (which may mean not do a church wedding), or if the church wedding is very important to you, move the reception up. Just because a reception ends at 8 or 9 doesn't mean the party has to end. I have been to receptions ending at midnight where guests weren't done partying and hit up another bar together afterward. That is definitely still an option and doesn't mean people won't party because it ends at 9. The party can continue elsewhere for those interested. That is highly preferable to an over 2 hour gap. I have been a guest at gap weddings and it sucks.

libby2483

Ditto Summer.  I just skimmed the thread, so this may have been addressed, but is there any reason that you couldn't start your reception a little earlier? Our reception went from 4:00 to midnight, which worked very well.