Dance Only?

kate&cor2012

Hello all,

My fiance and I are disagreeing on who to cut from our guest list. I want to keep it below 200 invites total and cutting out family is not an option. So, the first to go? Old highschool friends and friends of siblings. My question is whether I should send them a separate invitation for the dance portion. I figured I can't invite them to the wedding ceremony, skip the reception invite, and then ask them to come to the dance for cost cutting reasons. I know I am going to burn bridges doing that. My fiance says not to invite them at all because we barely talk and have a group of "couple friends" whom we have grown close to after highschool and college had ended. I kind of feel like I'm leaving the old friends from highschool (minus two people we've remained best friends with) at the wayside. I certainly don't expect a gift, I just don't want them being left out completely and thinking I'm some type of snob for excluding them.

What's a girl to do?

DramaGeek

It is rude to invite them to only part of the event.  All or nothing is the way to go.

twohollydays

dont invite them at all. they will get over it. Not everyone has to come to a wedding. It is not a reunion. 

Just write the list of people who matter the most to you. Then cut it down to what you can afford. 

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dance-only-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7535ce4f-1e37-4753-8445-570d87da896ePost:702d4d2f-58f4-49da-a8a6-a05bd3b6fd6f">Dance Only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all, My fiance and I are disagreeing on who to cut from our guest list. I want to keep it below 200 invites total and cutting out family is not an option. So, the first to go? Old highschool friends and friends of siblings. My question is whether I should send them a separate invitation for the dance portion.<strong> I figured I can't invite them to the wedding ceremony, skip the reception invite, and then ask them to come to the dance for cost cutting reasons. I know I am going to burn bridges doing that. </strong>My fiance says not to invite them at all because we barely talk and have a group of "couple friends" whom we have grown close to after highschool and college had ended. I kind of feel like I'm leaving the old friends from highschool (minus two people we've remained best friends with) at the wayside. I certainly don't expect a gift, I just don't want them being left out completely and thinking I'm some type of snob for excluding them. What's a girl to do?
Posted by kate&cor2012[/QUOTE]

You have your answer right here. You know you can't do that, and your FI agrees. I'm not sure why you're even considering it - go with your gut and just don't invite them at all if you're not able to invite them to everything, it's ok.

allyson+williams

Inviting people for only part of the festivities is against proper etiquette, and, if you do what you have explained here, I think you run the risk of people thinking you are a snob for telling them that they are only good enough to attend the "free" part of your reception.

nda_roxybabe

This makes no sense. Is the ceremony the epensive part? I doubt it. Typically the reception is.
No,  you can not do this.

kate&cor2012

I said dance only, not reception.  I mentioned that it would be even worse to  invite them to ceremony + dance and NOT the reception.

kate&cor2012

I knew the answer to this questioin before i even asked. Sigh, it's hard when these people are literally expecting an invite, now that's a whole other can of ettiquite.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dance-only-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7535ce4f-1e37-4753-8445-570d87da896ePost:0d36159f-f1e3-4e75-90dd-798c634b5865">Re: Dance Only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I said dance only, not reception.  I mentioned that it would be even worse to  invite them to ceremony + dance and NOT the reception.
Posted by kate&cor2012[/QUOTE]

Well it would be equally bad to invite them to just the dance or to the ceremony and dance.

And just for clarity, the dance is considered part of the reception. The entire post-ceremony party is the reception, and that may include a full meal, dancing, etc.

CassieeK

Either invite people to the whole event or not at all. People understand weddings are expensive and you can't always include everyone.  They'll get over not being invited.

twohollydays

Dont worry about their expectations. No matter how big your wedding is someone will not get invited. The easiest thing I guess is a very small wedding so that more people are not invited than are invited. 

These people you are talking about will get over it. If not then that is their problem. Even if you could invite the friends of your siblings. What about their parents? Step parents? Grandparents? Im saying that someone will be left off any list you write. Draw your line and stick with it. 

Invite who you want there and afford to host properly.

Dont have an A/B list. Dont have a tiered reception. Dont have a party for the people you couldnt invite. 

Invite who you want there and leave it at that. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dance-only-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7535ce4f-1e37-4753-8445-570d87da896ePost:34744b0c-ad15-4f9c-8800-754918c733eb">Re: Dance Only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Either invite people to the whole event or not at all. People understand weddings are expensive and you can't always include everyone.  They'll get over not being invited.
Posted by CassieeK[/QUOTE]
this is exactly what i was going to say

Birdie1483

Their feelings might be hurt that they're not included, but they'll get over it. Stick with what you can do according to your budget and venue size.

I say this as a person who is in the "high school friend - not invited" list for someone who used to be one of my best friends. I was sad I didn't make the cut, but I understand and it's not something that I would be like "OMG he's not my friend anymore!!!11!!" His friendship means more to me than that and I'm sure it'll be the same for you.

If they ask why they aren't invited, just tell them that you can't because of budget and size reasons.

Oh, but don't mention who did make the cut outside of family. That didn't go over very well when my friend pointed out who made the cut "over me."