If I'm invited to the bachelorette...

mrsbruff2b

Does it mean I'm invited to the wedding?

carrieoz_76

If the bride knows what she's doing, then you should be invited to the wedding, too.  But if you haven't gotten a wedding invitation in the mail (assuming the b-party is close in time to the wedding and invitations have gone out), then she's being rude, and I'd probably decline the b-party invite.

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-invited-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75a7d302-baf6-47b2-823d-a11610391470Post:89a95448-f1a4-46dd-8f44-219394c4c83c">Re: If I'm invited to the bachelorette...</a>:
[QUOTE]If the bride knows what she's doing, then you should be invited to the wedding, too.  <strong>But if you haven't gotten a wedding invitation in the mail (assuming the b-party is close in time to the wedding and invitations have gone out), then she's being rude, and I'd probably decline the b-party invite.</strong>
Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]

Well, I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet.  Do you talk to this person regularly?  I'm assuming so because you went to her bachelorette party.  I would give a call and inquire about the wedding.  It is a possibility that the invite was lost in the mail.

carrieoz_76

The point is - you should be invited to her wedding and it would be rude of her to invite you to the b-party but not the wedding.

mrsbruff2b

Well... she actually just "mass messaged" everyone on facebook so I'm a little confused and don't know what I should expect..

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-invited-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75a7d302-baf6-47b2-823d-a11610391470Post:7df983de-0b85-48b6-bd13-513bf33fe90a">Re: If I'm invited to the bachelorette...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well... she actually just "mass messaged" everyone on facebook...
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]
Yea, in that case, I would guess that it's more likely that she's plain old rude, and not that your invitation to the wedding is in the mail.  If you can, I'd wait it out.  If you're invited to the wedding, then yay, go to the b-party, if not, you're within your rights to decline (or go if you want an excuse to party - your call).

damaless

There was a girl at my bachelorette party who wasn't invited to the wedding, but it wasn't exactly my fault, since my bachelorette party was a surprise party.  Was the guest list of the bachelorette party determined by the bride?  It's possible if it was a friend organizing it, they assumed you were invited to the wedding and therefore invited you to the bachelorette party, but maybe she was mistaken.

carrieoz_76

You know that part of He's Just Not That Into You where the main character realizes that she shouldn't live her life hoping that she's the exception and not the rule, but that girlfriends ALWAYS point out all the times that that one girl somewhere was the exception, and maybe you are too *hope hope hope*? 

That's what this thread feels like.

shoegal715

Nope. Even though it's rude as hell, I've seen it before (twice). 

HisCB

since she mass messaged everyone on facebook, i would assume that no, you are not nessesarily invited to the wedding.

ditto pp, go if you want to party, decline if you dont.

marisah83

I'm guessing from the fact that she invited via facebook that you are probably not getting an invite.  You could hold out for a bit and see if you end up getting one, but I would probably just decline the b-party invite.

golden1215

is she having a small, family only wedding?  in that case, you may not be invited to the actual wedding but invited to the bach party just to celebrate with her and I personally, wouldnt be insulted.

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-invited-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75a7d302-baf6-47b2-823d-a11610391470Post:7df983de-0b85-48b6-bd13-513bf33fe90a">Re: If I'm invited to the bachelorette...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well... she actually just "mass messaged" everyone on facebook so I'm a little confused and don't know what I should expect..
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]

I didn't realize brides host their own bachelorette parties.  I know it's rude to host your own engagement party and shower, is this the same?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-invited-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75a7d302-baf6-47b2-823d-a11610391470Post:bc9ebee5-3fab-42ec-adb9-3c901a339b1f">Re: If I'm invited to the bachelorette...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: If I'm invited to the bachelorette... : I didn't realize brides host their own bachelorette parties.  I know it's rude to host your own engagement party and shower, is this the same?
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

Yes, it's the same. It's technically rude to host any pre-wedding parties in your own honor.

I'd probably message the bride and say you're really excited, then ask for details about the wedding. See what her reaction is.

mrsbruff2b

Oh... and the bachelorette is going to cost $50ish... is that normal?

It's at a local bar.  I think I want to go... but not sure if I can afford it.  She did mention that the wedding is next month.  What should I do?

polichik

She's planning her own b-party (fail), telling people they have to pay to attend her party (another fail), and since the wedding is in a month, you're clearaly not invited (another fail on her part). B-party guests generally pay for their own share and often the bride's, but no way in hell should the bride demand that they do.

Don't go.

Abs211981

rude, but it happens all too often.  i was invited to a b-party of a friend but not her wedding....then a few days before the wedding she called to tell me that they could "squeeze me in hopefully" and that I should plan to attend....really?

mrsbruff2b

Maybe she doesn't really know the right etiquette for this?

Should I even say/ask anything?

vickiloew

I just got an invite for a shower/b-party for a friend of a friend.  My friend is in the wedding but I do not really know the bride that well at all.  Have maybe been in her company like 4-5 times.  I absolutely do not expect to be invited to the wedding so this invitation kind of threw me off since I only know her through my friend.  I don't even know her last name!  So I politely decilned the invitation and as I said, do not expect to get a wedding invitation.  I would be really surprised if I did get invited to the wedding.

I agree with others that this bride is either clueless or rude or both.  She clearly just wants to party with as many people as possible for her b-party but not necessarily host these same people at her wedding.  Also, rude to tell people how much they have to pay to attend too.  Wow.  I would definitely NOT go if it was me.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-invited-bachelorette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75a7d302-baf6-47b2-823d-a11610391470Post:cf8d625c-1f06-4a25-ac80-50ce5f7da4d2">Re: If I'm invited to the bachelorette...</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe she doesn't really know the right etiquette for this? Should I even say/ask anything?
Posted by mrsbruff2b[/QUOTE]

She probably didn't know, but I don't believe ignorance is any excuse.

However, if you would like to go to the b-party, regardless of whether you are invited to the wedding or not, then go and have fun. But that is up to you and how you feel about it.

Otherwise, the pp are right, it would be rude. Mass facebook messages also could be seen as.... un-classy? I did, however, receive one to my cousin's fiancee's (surprise) b-party and she did invite me to the wedding so I didn't hold that against her. It was still an invite. Mass messages just feel impersonal.