Ushering the Moms

Starmusica

ok-I posted this on my local board but I am hoping you ladies can also weigh in...

How are you guys doing the parents entrances? My dad is walking me down the aisle so I need someone to usher my mom. FI parents are married and I had assumed they would have a formal entrance together before my mom was ushered to her seat. However, FI's mom is flipping out a bit. She wants FI to walk her down the aisle or at least another usher.. and have her husband trail behind him. I cannot for the life of me remember how this was at other weddings but I personally think this is weird! am I wrong? Shouldn't his parents walk as a couple? My mom is only in need of an usher since my dad is walking me...

I appreciate the advice! I hate that this is even a concern for us!

agk0125

Could your FI walk in with his mom and dad on each side of him? Then you could do the same if you wanted.

Or if you have a brother he could walk your mom.

And yes, having your FI's dad trail behind is weird.

beatlesgirl25

I think it's weird that his mom wants his dad to trail behind her. If he's not walking in with her, then he might as well be seated early with all the other guests. I suppose it falls in line with the seating of the mothers as an honor, but still seems kinda rude to his dad.

We had H's brother (also the best man) hang back and escort his mom down the aisle at the beginning of the processional. His dad (who is divorced from his mom) was already seated with his new wife. Both my parents walked me down the aisle, but if it had just been my dad, we would have had the other GM escort her with the seating of H's mother. That way the GM's end up at the front anyway once the moms are seated.

nooniesinlove

We had the BM seat both of our mothers since we had our two MOHs walk together.  FIL walked behind MIL.  It wasn't weird.

Catwoman708

This is covered by traditional etiquette. 

The parents of the groom are honored guests, and should be treated the same as the parents of the bride.  But the bride and her family/parents are always listed first on invites and programs, but seated last. 

The mothers are usually escorted by an usher, but preferably a male family member, like thier son, father, brother, or uncle.  So it's not uncommon for the groom to escort his mother to her seat.  I actually think this is a very touching and respectful thing to do.

The formal way to escort a couple to their seat is for the usher/escort to offer the lady his arm, they walk side by side, and the man follows behind them.  This is the traditional verision of "ladies first" and quite normal.

ohwhynot

That's exactly how they did it in all the weddings I recall when I was a girl.  Perhaps that tradition it a bit outmoded, but it is perfectly fine etiquette-wise.  I'd accommodate her on this one. 

Starmusica

so let his dad trail behind them like a lost puppy? I am not saying it to be rude to you ladies.. I just think its a terrible idea! His father deserves to be honored just as she does!

whitneykaye87

That's how I've seen it done at pretty much every wedding I've been to.  As long as your FI's dad isn't offended by it, I don't really see the problem.  If he is bothered by it, let them work it out on their own.  Totally not a problem for you to put much thought or worry into.

ohwhynot

Yes, that's what we're saying:  his dad should look exactly like a lost puppy.  That's the way everyone will see it. 

I know it may seem odd to you, but it IS traditional.  If his mom really wants it and his dad is okay with honoring tradition, too, why is it offensive to you? 

Catwoman708

 "his dad should look exactly like a lost puppy.  That's the way everyone will see it."

If the guests even notice, it will only look odd to those who are not used to being formally escorted.  The older guests will think it's normal because that is what they grew up with.

Besides, I doubt the FOG will feel honored to be escorted to his seat on the arm of another man.  Maybe have a BM escort him on her arm, lol?

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ushering-moms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75b5b7be-6db1-4773-b0bf-962c60a4b300Post:54dada85-f446-421c-92c0-16c9a666a111">Re: Ushering the Moms</a>:
[QUOTE] " his dad should look exactly like a lost puppy.  That's the way everyone will see it." If the guests even notice, it will only look odd to those who are not used to being formally escorted.  The older guests will think it's normal because that is what they grew up with. Besides, I doubt the FOG will feel honored to be escorted to his seat on the arm of another man.  Maybe have a BM escort him on her arm, lol?
Posted by Catwoman708[/QUOTE]

Apparently, the sarcasm I heard in my voice when I wrote that was not indicated in the post.  Catwoman, I agree with you completely.  OP, you're being silly AND following this tradition would go a long way toward good relations with your FMIL. 

skippylouwho

Our son is a groomsman for our DD's wedding, he will escort me.   The groom will escort his mother in.  His father is deceased.

Our son will escort me in for his wedding, his dad (my husband) will follow us.  I do not know yet(wedding is 264 days away) who has been chosen to escort the bride's mother in.

I've never not see the groom's mother escorted in.

danieliza1127

I've always seen the MOG escorted with the FOG trailing behind, so it's not weird to me.

At our wedding, the Best Man escorted the MOG (he also happens to be her nephew) with the FOG walking behind them.  Then my brother, who was an Usher, escorted my Mom in.