How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues

elrodsuke

The first thing is we are having a non-alcoholic wedding. Both families are filled with alcoholics and his side is a bunch of trouble makers. It's Memorial Day so we are afraid it may become an issue. So far our only excuse to the problem-people is it's expensive and I'm not 21, but I want to make it clear beforehand like on our invites or something. What is a nice and stern way to ask?

And second problem is bridesmaids issue. I have too many and I want to eliminate 2 people. The ones I want to keep really is my MOH[auntie], My future sister-in-law, and a good friend. I don't have a best friend, so I don't think that makes it any better for deciding and justifying. The good friend and other two people I want out are quite... Big. And the 2 I don't want aren't attractive either, and one of them has gotten on my last nerve by not showing up to any of my dress fittings and never makes time to meet. She was Originally going to be the MOH.

I'm really a nice person and avoid situations all the time but I know I'll regret it if I have too many and all. The other one I haven't really mentioned, I still want involved in the wedding, just not a bridesmaid. I'm not quite sure what to make her.

P.S. This is my first post here so I don't know the lingo yet

Calypso1977

MUD.

peekaboo2011

head.desk.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:cf46fd4b-5dff-4bed-9af5-9f398d0bb7d0">How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]The first thing is we are having a non-alcoholic wedding. Both families are filled with alcoholics and his side is a bunch of trouble makers. It's Memorial Day so we are afraid it may become an issue. So far our only excuse to the problem-people is it's expensive and I'm not 21, but I want to make it clear beforehand like on our invites or something. What is a nice and stern way to ask? And second problem is bridesmaids issue. I have too many and I want to eliminate 2 people. The ones I want to keep really is my MOH[auntie], My future sister-in-law, and a good friend. I don't have a best friend, so I don't think that makes it any better for deciding and justifying. The good friend and other two people I want out are quite... Big. And the 2 I don't want aren't attractive either, and one of them has gotten on my last nerve by not showing up to any of my dress fittings and never makes time to meet. She was Originally going to be the MOH. I'm really a nice person and avoid situations all the time but I know I'll regret it if I have too many and all. The other one I haven't really mentioned, I still want involved in the wedding, just not a bridesmaid. I'm not quite sure what to make her. P.S. This is my first post here so I don't know the lingo yet
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]

JIC.

elrodsuke

Oh no! Don't cry.

MUD??

I have a feeling I'm being very stupid all around

peekaboo2011

On the off chance this isn't MUD (made-up drama):

1. You don't need to tell everyone there will not be alcohol.  The time of your reception should do so.  Generally, people will expect the full shebang with the booze on a Friday/Saturday evening wedding.

2. You cannot kick people out of your wedding party without ending the friendship.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:c9f7acd7-e0c8-48a8-8e18-5ab74866f714">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Just put "No alcoholics allowed" on the invitation, right next to a link to your registries.  And explain to the unattractive bridesmaids that they need to A) lose weight and B) get plastic surgery in order to fulfill your vision of the day.  Give them a deadline and kick them out if they haven't done enough by that day.
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

<div>Plastic surgery is the only way to ensure they don't rooin her picktures.</div>

Hummingbird125

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:380062f7-9c08-41a2-b30f-72d1cf37440a">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh no! Don't cry. MUD?? I have a feeling I'm being very stupid all around
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]

<div>I'll reply, just in case this is for reals.</div><div>
</div><div>1) I'm no ettiquette expert, but I don't think you need to "announce" that it will be a dry reception. If anyone asks, you can use the excuses you mentioned.</div><div>
</div><div>2) If you've already asked these people to be in your bridal party, there is no polite way to un-ask them. That's a really insulting thing to do, and you could risk ending your friendship with them, so keep that in mind.</div><div>
</div><div>3) If you're seriously considering un-asking or not asking certain people to be in your bridal party because they are overweight or otherwise "unattractive" in your opinion, you are NOT a nice person. This isn't my opinion, it is a fact. No decent human being would do that to someone they care about whatsoever.</div>

KellyBrian2013

Sadly, I'm not sure that this is MUD - look at the join date. A year and a half ago, but just now posting? That's not typical troll behavior.

So, on the off chance that this is real:

Issue #1 (Alcohol): Dry weddings are perfectly fine, especially if one (or both) of the bride or groom is not of legal age to consum alcohol. There is no reason to let people know ahead of time that it will be a dry wedding, and in fact, doing so often invites people to sneak their own alcohol in. Don't bring it up with the family or friends anymore. If someone asks about, just tell them that it is a decision you and your groom made together for personal reasons, and then change the subject. Do not include anything on your invites about there being no alcohol at the reception. Also be prepared for the reception not go all night - many people do not dance or party as late into the night without the factor of having a bar. Also, do not make a cash bar available - just host non-alcoholic beverages for your guests.

Issue #2 (Bridesmaids): What a horrible, horrible thing to say about people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest friends. I would be HORRIFIED to learn that someone I considered to be a friend referred to me as "unattractive" and "big" and wanted to remove me from her wedding party because of those things. I promise that, regardless of what your BMs look like, they will not ruin your photos or your wedding day. Get ready for a TK party line: Removing someone from your bridal party is a friendship ending move. It is a VERY public slight, and you will come off like a huge bridezilla (among other things). BMs only responsibility is to purchase the dress (chosen with their budgets in mind after the bride has asked, privately, what they each can afford to spend and picked a dress in the LOWEST price range) and show up on time and sober and smile for photos. That's it. It would be nice for them to join you for dress fittings, etc. but is absolutely unnecessary and certainly is not a reason to consider kicking them out of the bridal party.

elrodsuke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:c9f7acd7-e0c8-48a8-8e18-5ab74866f714">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Just put "No alcoholics allowed" on the invitation, right next to a link to your registries.  And explain to the unattractive bridesmaids that they need to A) lose weight and B) get plastic surgery in order to fulfill your vision of the day.  Give them a deadline and kick them out if they haven't done enough by that day.
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]
Okay, so a simple No Alcohol Allowed won't be offensive.

I can definitely go with the deadline thing. It'll make me feel better.

Thanks

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:448957b6-2620-4756-bd5e-e4f02416436b">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : Totally!  She just has to keep in mind recovery time.  It takes a while to come back from a boob job, so she needs to leave time for alterations when coming up with her deadline. 
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm hoping we're more than a year out from the wedding. I saw an episode of 1001 Ways to Die, and a girl's chest exploded and killed her after a boob job.  Although, I guess if that happened, she wouldn't have to worry about her pictures anyways!</div>

elrodsuke

I never asked them to be bridesmaids. They just assumed and I'm really not good with saying no. Which I know is a BAD thing to do.

MUD. I'll remember that. For the alcohol thing, it is quickly escalting on his side(again). But that's another story. My family is pretty mellow about it, just upset. So it'll be about 11 am on a Monday, can't be too problematic I hope.

But it still bothers me when a family members of his or one of his coworkers says they will buy the keg and other minor things.

I'm no troll, but some of these comments do amuse me.

[Deleted User]

Cannot be real...but just in case...

1) Whether or not you tell people, those who want to bring flasks will bring flasks. Unless you have someone searching everyone at the door, I think you're out of luck. The best you can do is not provide alcohol - which you are doing.

2) You can't kick someone out without being ready to lose them as a friend. So, up to you, but be aware. Then again, if I was your "friend" who is either too fat or too unattractive for your pictures, I think I'd appreciate the head's up that you're a terrible person and would like being kicked out of said wedding party. It would save me a lot of money and frustration. I imagine your bridal party is also expected to help you plan everything and cater to your every whim, so it'd save time too.

3) Make the friend you want included but not in the bridal party a reader. But do keep in mind that your photographer might take pictures of her too, so make sure she's ok on the attractiveness scale before you ask her. You'd hate to be stuck in the same situation you are now.

4) Nice people don't choose friends and bridal party members based on attractiveness. Just FYI.

Jlp818

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:12e44475-95cc-4b47-8723-38e5e7364c47">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Cannot be real...but just in case... 1) Whether or not you tell people, those who want to bring flasks will bring flasks. Unless you have someone searching everyone at the door, I think you're out of luck. The best you can do is not provide alcohol - which you are doing. 2) You can't kick someone out without being ready to lose them as a friend. So, up to you, but be aware. Then again, if I was your "friend" who is either too fat or too unattractive for your pictures, I think I'd appreciate the head's up that you're a terrible person and would like being kicked out of said wedding party. It would save me a lot of money and frustration. I imagine your bridal party is also expected to help you plan everything and cater to your every whim, so it'd save time too. 3) Make the friend you want included but not in the bridal party a reader. But do keep in mind that your photographer might take pictures of her too, so make sure she's ok on the attractiveness scale before you ask her. You'd hate to be stuck in the same situation you are now. 4) Nice people don't choose friends and bridal party members based on attractiveness. Just FYI.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

This!


Elrod, How can you say you are a nice person when you are willing to treat your "friends" like that? 

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:6569e715-16c1-4a0c-babe-c76fdc346619">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : That's horrifying.  And also would lead to etiquette questions about how to appropriately memorialize her at the wedding. 
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

<div>Obviously she has a pretty friend who can just stand in.</div>

elrodsuke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:12e44475-95cc-4b47-8723-38e5e7364c47">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Cannot be real...but just in case... 1) Whether or not you tell people, those who want to bring flasks will bring flasks. Unless you have someone searching everyone at the door, I think you're out of luck. The best you can do is not provide alcohol - which you are doing. 2) You can't kick someone out without being ready to lose them as a friend. So, up to you, but be aware. Then again, if I was your "friend" who is either too fat or too unattractive for your pictures, I think I'd appreciate the head's up that you're a terrible person and would like being kicked out of said wedding party. It would save me a lot of money and frustration. I imagine your bridal party is also expected to help you plan everything and cater to your every whim, so it'd save time too. 3) Make the friend you want included but not in the bridal party a reader. But do keep in mind that your photographer might take pictures of her too, so make sure she's ok on the attractiveness scale before you ask her. You'd hate to be stuck in the same situation you are now. 4) Nice people don't choose friends and bridal party members based on attractiveness. Just FYI.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]
One of the reasons I brought up their looks, other than everyone straying their attention from me on my day, is because their dresses would cost more and both of them are really upset with what they'll be paying eventhough I was willing to pay 20% and have some discounts. My family keeps telling me I shouldn't help pay for their dresses in the first place. The one still has me upset for not even showing up to my fittings even though I scheduled 3 of them, tried to taylor it for her to come, but still didn't come.
I'm very ignorant when it comes to weddings. [Only wedding I've ever been to was my aunts when I was 9 and no one wanted to ever even mention marriage infront of me till now] So, what does a reader read? Just some poems I assume? She does have a good reading voice from what I remember in high school.

I don't want to lose them as friends...

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:bd47b621-1db9-4eb8-ba86-a23ac7514dbb">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : One of the reasons I brought up their looks, other than everyone straying their attention from me on my day, is because their dresses would cost more and both of them are really upset with what they'll be paying eventhough I was willing to pay 20% and have some discounts. My family keeps telling me I shouldn't help pay for their dresses in the first place. The one still has me upset for not even showing up to my fittings even though I scheduled 3 of them, tried to taylor it for her to come, but still didn't come. I'm very ignorant when it comes to weddings. [Only wedding I've ever been to was my aunts when I was 9 and no one wanted to ever even mention marriage infront of me till now] So, what does a reader read? Just some poems I assume? She does have a good reading voice from what I remember in high school. I don't want to lose them as friends...
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]

<div>Alright, now I'm confused.  They decided they were your BMs, and you just went along with it?  You never asked them, but you offered to pay for part of their dresses?  Guess what, that means you can't kick them out without ending your friendship.</div><div>
</div><div>Suck it up sistah.</div>

elrodsuke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:19bd8882-b8c8-4b21-9c73-2b1acbc8da94">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : Obviously she has a pretty friend who can just stand in.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
She's big, too, but she's still pretty. She was the only I actually asked to be a bridesmaid. She's gone to all my fittings and actually makes an effort to make time to hang out with me.

Peledreamsofrain

Now ladies, if terrible shallow people with no heart and no soul didn't exist, then we wouldn't be able to appreciate kindness, compassion, and respect. So thank you, OP, you make it possible to recognize how to treat other people properly by demonstrating the exact opposite. Good job :. I hope your friends find a better person to hang out with once they dump you, or get therapy to fix their friend selection process.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:2423e275-0562-4555-b2aa-b4efc404caf1">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : This is perfect!  Since it's during regular working hours, you can just hire some models to be in your wedding party, and you won't even have to pay extra for overtime!
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

No, her wedding is Memorial Day weekend, so the Monday would be the holiday and double time would need to be paid!

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:fd8348e1-607f-434b-897b-7bfa2cd83112">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : No, her wedding is Memorial Day weekend, so the Monday would be the holiday and double time would need to be paid!
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

<div>But they're models...they don't eat.  So, you would really only need to pay them like $10/hr, and feed them minimally.</div>

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:bd47b621-1db9-4eb8-ba86-a23ac7514dbb">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : One of the reasons I brought up their looks, other than everyone straying their attention from me on my day, is because their dresses would cost more and both of them are really upset with what they'll be paying eventhough I was willing to pay 20% and have some discounts. My family keeps telling me I shouldn't help pay for their dresses in the first place. The one still has me upset for not even showing up to my fittings even though I scheduled 3 of them, tried to taylor it for her to come, but still didn't come. I'm very ignorant when it comes to weddings. [Only wedding I've ever been to was my aunts when I was 9 and no one wanted to ever even mention marriage infront of me till now] So, what does a reader read? Just some poems I assume? She does have a good reading voice from what I remember in high school. I don't want to lose them as friends...
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]

I'm not buying this. Definitely MUD. just in case though,

How about you tell your BM's why you're kicking them out? That'll convince them you're a nice person....(overly sacrastic tone)

For your readings...<a href="http://weddings.about.com/od/yourweddingceremony/a/ReadingsLibrary.htm" rel="nofollow">http://weddings.about.com/od/yourweddingceremony/a/ReadingsLibrary.htm</a>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:bd47b621-1db9-4eb8-ba86-a23ac7514dbb">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : One of the reasons I brought up their looks, other than everyone straying their attention from me on my day, is because their dresses would cost more and both of them are really upset with what they'll be paying eventhough I was willing to pay 20% and have some discounts. My family keeps telling me I shouldn't help pay for their dresses in the first place. The one still has me upset for not even showing up to my fittings even though I scheduled 3 of them, tried to taylor it for her to come, but still didn't come. I'm very ignorant when it comes to weddings. [Only wedding I've ever been to was my aunts when I was 9 and no one wanted to ever even mention marriage infront of me till now] So, what does a reader read? Just some poems I assume? She does have a good reading voice from what I remember in high school. I don't want to lose them as friends...
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]

Oh lordy. Ok, first, the dresses. Did you ask them a budget? Because, if not, and you picked a $200 dress, even your 20 percent is possibly going to be above some people's budgets. So...it's not their weight, it's your problem not discussing what they were able to afford and working accordingly. Second, you list 2 as big but the others as unattractive. There isn't a dress surcharge for not being pretty enough. Thirdly, you are going to be the one in the white dress. Plus sized bridesmaids are not going to make your guests forget that and be distracted. They are adults not gerbils with ADD and body issues. Fourthly, your bridesmaids have no obligation to make YOUR fittings. They have to get fit for their dresses, yes, but that's it and, as adults, they can do it on their own schedule as long as it's in time to get the dress done by the morning of the wedding.

Readings are usually done at weddings. If it's a religous ceremony, it would be a passage from the bible. For non-religious ceremonies, people often use poems and other written words to enhance the ceremony and reflect upon the union. Here, again, her reading voice really shouldn't matter. She could croak like a frog, but if you want her involved, it's a nice way to do it.

Finally, if you want to keep friends, please do the following:
1) Don't kick people out of your wedding party
2) Don't judge your friends based on appearance. It is mean, petty, rude, and disrespectful. The fact that you came on a public forum complaining about the appearance of your friends really says you don't give a crap about them. I don't really know why you want to keep them, as you don't seem very interested in who they are as people, but if you do, seriously, do not judge them by appearances.
3) Get over your PPD. It is your wedding, yes, and you do get to do things to be happy. But your reception is also a thank you for your guests. That means doing things for them and not abusing people involved in the wedding. Your bridesmaids aren't your personal servants. They don't have to come to fittings, throw you parties, or do anything except show up in a dress (which they should have been consulted about budgetwise). People will focus on you because you are a bride. You don't have to insult people to make sure that you're the shining special star.

elrodsuke

I don't think I'm going to post on here again. You're all too verbally vicious and turning everything into me looking like some demon, which I am NOT. I am judgemental, but obviously you all are so much better than me.

I do appreciate some of the advice.

I hope your upcoming weddings are what you want them to be.

 And to those not-so-nice ones, I hope people treat you like you've treated me.

mcda04

We're not "MAKING" you look like a demon. You've done that yourself. You're the one that posted all of this:

"The good friend and other two people I want out are quite... Big. And the 2 I don't want aren't attractive either, and one of them has gotten on my last nerve"

You agreed to this horrible sarcastic advice "A) lose weight and get plastic surgery in order to fulfill your vision of the day.  Give them a deadline and kick them out if they haven't done enough by that day."

"She's big, too, but she's still pretty."

And just F.Y.I., My wedding day was beautiful with all my friends by my side.

wrigleyville

We aren't making you look like a demon, hon. If it looks like a duck and talks like a duck...

FWIW, I AM better than you. I have two plus-sized BMs, and I give nonefucks about their size. They are my best friends, and I'm happy they'll be there to stand by my side on the happiest day of my life. I don't care if they gain another 50 pounds before the wedding as long as they show up and have a great time.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:1e04afcd-e787-4c49-b7a3-1e60ac4701b1">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues : Okay, so a simple No Alcohol Allowed won't be offensive. I can definitely go with the deadline thing. It'll make me feel better. Thanks
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, no. No ALCOHOLICS Allowed. That is what is appropriate.

</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:76dbe414-b1d0-4b7c-8432-f03723b9adfb">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I'm going to post on here again. You're all too verbally vicious and turning everything into me looking like some demon, which I am NOT. I am judgemental, but obviously you all are so much better than me. I do appreciate some of the advice. I hope your upcoming weddings are what you want them to be.  And to those not-so-nice ones, I hope people treat you like you've treated me.
Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]

You know, I hope that despite people being harsh, you take some of this to heart. You're not just being judgemental. You're being mean and cruel to your friends. I never said you were a monster, but, seriously, you are being incredibly hurtful to people you claim to care about. It's one thing to privately think someone's overweight - that's judgemental. It's another to seriously consider removing them from a wedding party because they're not attractive enough - that's being a bad friend.

Just put yourself in their shoes: "Hey elrodsuke. I know that I sort of agreed to have you in my wedding, but I just don't think I can anymore. I mean, you don't really fit in the dresses because you're...well...you know...'big.' I love you and all, but I just don't want that taking away from the attention that people are supposed to be paying me on my day. Plus, you haven't been around for my fitting so you aren't doing enough to be up there with me." That'd feel great, right?  Especially if you're maybe trying to lose weight? Or have just been super busy at work but thinking "well, at least I put in the time off to make it to her wedding day...at least I can join in for that"?

Once you get over the hurt feelings and defensiveness, just think about it. A lot of people here were harsh because what you said was almost hurtful to them...and you weren't even saying it to them or about them. How would the people you ARE saying it to/about feel?

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-these-things-multiple-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:75c94522-e2bf-492e-b46d-747a536bb44fPost:bd47b621-1db9-4eb8-ba86-a23ac7514dbb">Re: How to Ask These Things? Multiple Issues</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm very ignorant when it comes to <strong><em>everything</em></strong>.Posted by elrodsuke[/QUOTE]
FTFY

brittany634

I just want to point out- if it's actually you in the pictures you aren't exactly "small"

but I call MUD

BriLeigh89

No one was being mean. In all honesty you shouldn't come on the etiquette board knowing you will say things like how do I get rid of my fat, unattractive bridesmaids and only keep the pretty ones.

Plus you turned your story around saying "oh wait! No its not becuase they are overweight and unattactive in my eyes, its because they are broke and can't pay for their dresses.

 Do all of your FI groomsmen have to be attractive too? Just wondering...

As a bride who was considering tossing out my matron of honor I decided that I valued her friendship more than one day. Will you be ok not ever talking to them again once you sever ties with these girls? Because if you kick them out for any reason or they find out  you thought they were unattractive and overweight, the friendships will be over no doubt. 

Just things to be considered in the future....