Family Drama

littlestbee

Hi All
I could really use some outside input on this situation. I was Marriedlate May of this year to a wonderful man. This is my second marriage. And I have been dealing with a ridiculous amount of family drama. Allow me to explain:
I had a very extravagant first wedding, which my parents generously paid for as I was very young when I married the first time. I asked my two cousins to be in the wedding party. At the time their ages were 15 and 18. The 18 year old dropped out 4 mos before the wedding. I was upset, but I in no way made a big issue of it. I only told her that I was disappointed but I understood and I loved her no matter what. The 15 year old was in the wedding. Since I was so young, my mother planned mostly everything including my shower.
I know this is a long post, but please bare with me. After my first wedding my Aunt and Uncle both felt that they were not included enough in the process and that their youngest daughter was a "body in a dress at the altar". Which was not true, she did a reading during the ceremony. Outside of that there was not much else for her to do since she was only 15.
Fast forward to this wedding. My husband has never been married, so I was detwrmined to make sure this wedding was the type of wedding he always envisioned. He wanted a small intimate wedding. So that is what I set out to
create. I asked his sister to be my Matron of Honor. And I asked my beat friend to be my Maid of Honor. This created a MESS when it came to Aunt and Uncle. They feel that I disrespected them by not asking their daughters to be in my wedding party. I did not want a big wedding party, and I certainly did not want a repeat of the issues that occured during my first wedding.
This has resulted not only in my aunt and uncle not speaking to me, but when I went to say hello to my aunt at the wedding, she pushed me away from her and said "i dont think so". I was so taken aback at this behavior that I simply walked away. Since then I have returned their gift. I have also heard from other family members that hhey are stil taking a oh poor me approach and makibg me out to be be bad guy.
This is heart breaking for me, has ripped my family apart, and came very close to ruining my wedding day.
Was I wrong? Should I follow my gut and write hem off completely? I have so much anger in me I dont know what to do. I could really use some insight.

MyUserName1

They are being assholes.  Try not to allow their dickishness to continue to negatively impact you.  Rise above it.  When/if other family members continue to talk about this drama, just say "I'm so sorry that they feel that way" and don't continue the conversation or let it upset you.  

RebeccaB88

You did not do anything wrong here.  They are out of line to demand or expect that their kids would be in your wedding party, and espeically out of line to make a scene over the fact that they weren't.  Attempting to ruin your wedding over it might be unforgiveable to me, but only you can decide if it was for you.

How do their daughters feel about it?

littlestbee

Thank you all for the input. Yea they were upset at the first wedsing b/c they dis not feel included enough, so this go round I thought it better to not ask to try and forego the drama. That obviously did not work. My cousins and I are fine as far I know. I spoke with them personally and explained my reasonings for asking my sis in law and bestie and they were totally fine with it. So it us just thier parents that have this issue. I havent had any contact with hem since the wedding, nor do I want to. I just cant believe they would take it to the level they did. To push me ob my wedding day when all I did was walk ocer to them and say thank you for coming and attempt a kiss on he cheeck! It was awful.

littlestbee

My spelling/grammer is usually not this terrible... Im typing on a smartphone. Lol

karulyne

That is awful! They owe you an apology, though I wouldn't hold my breath on that happening! Where are the rest of the family in this? Are they all choosing sides or is everyone else staying out of it? I think that would dictate whether to let it go and just avoid dealing with them (if the only one wigging out is the aunt and uncle) or if you might want to defend yourself to the rest of the family (if this is becoming a divisive family issue).

bonge

I would be pissed if someone pushed me away at my own wedding using that line. Why did they bother to go? I would cut ties until they are ready to be mature. 

littlestbee

Everyone else in the family is pretty fed up with all of their b.s also. No one is particularly choosi.g sides, but come holiday time, its going to get really interesting. Its more my issue and how I should handle it. I have alot to say to them, but dont know if just letting it go is better. Im 90 sure any "talks" i try to intiate with them will turn into screaming matches. But im just so angry, I really feel I need to speak my piece. Side note.. My Hubs last name is Bird so I evolved into being called Bee. So we were Bird n Bee for a whole... Now we are just Bird and Bird. Lol

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-drama-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76bfdc4a-7d36-491a-990c-a9a100053826Post:5ab3ed36-8097-45f7-9bcf-e89be5644ecb">Re: Family Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be pissed if someone pushed me away at my own wedding using that line. Why did they bother to go? I would cut ties until they are ready to be mature. 
Posted by bonge[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this. I'd not bother with them anymore. I do think you complicated matters by returning their wedding gift--that was biitchy, not that they didn't deserve it, but I'm just saying, they're probably talking shiiiiit on you for that, too.

</div>

littlestbee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-drama-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76bfdc4a-7d36-491a-990c-a9a100053826Post:a06a9043-228e-4961-b9d3-443cf7393592">Re: Family Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Family Drama : I agree with this. I'd not bother with them anymore. I do think you complicated matters by returning their wedding gift--that was biitchy, not that they didn't deserve it, but I'm just saying, they're probably talking shiiiiit on you for that, too.
Posted by Domino04[/QUOTE]



I agree it was bitchy of me to send the gift back, but it was a much nicer approach than what I really wanted to do. And there is a method to my madness, had I kept the money and then at a later date talked to them about the situation, I didnt want hem throwing in my face "you had no problem taking our money", because believe me when I say that is the type of thin they are infamous for. I didnt want any ties to them, or any feelings of indebtedness. .

OliveOilsMom

I think at any future family gatherings, just ignore them.  Have a good time and show them how their ridiculous spitefullness is having no impression on you.  If the rest of the family is aware and fed up with their BS, they are probably already "siding" with you, just because they know how crazy aunt & unlce are.

pearlaqua

Your Aunt and Uncle are incredibly petty.  I can't believe this has torn your family apart, it seems obvious to me that they're acting like children.

saranandy

I second the initial cray cray diagnosis. If someone treated me like that I wouldn't be sure whether to lay down some smack or call a shrink. Probably both.

kmmssg

Take the high road every single time you see them at family functions. It will piiss them off greatly and if they try to start something they will look even more ridiculous ( if that is even possible). So sorry they were such jerks at your wedding, but let it go and stay on the high road. You can never go wrong doing that.

littlestbee

Thanks ladies. After a long talk with my hubs last night, i have decided to just steer clear of them and rise above it. If anyone tries to engage me regarding them in anyway I am just going to say I dont want to hear it. But I really appreciate all the input, its helped put my mind at ease, hearing other peoples input and opinion.

starrynight84

I wouldn't say "I don't want to hear it" because it sounds a bit rude. You want to be as nice as possible when discussing the situation so it becomes even clearer to your family members that it's your aunt and uncle, not you, with the problem. 

I think returning the gift was the right thing to do in this case. 

I am sorry they are treating you like this. 

littlestbee

Very true, my response would probably be more along the lines of , this isnt something I want to talk about as its very upsetting. I would prefer to just move past it. Thanks!! Its hard to put the whole situation to bed, because I grew up in a close knit family and I will be cutting my ties with them. So its a huge loss. But its tge best option for me. Its causing a huge amount of anxiety for me though.