Etiquette

What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?

1235

Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?

  • My fiance and I have a lot of cousins invited to the wedding between the ages of 18-25 who all live at home and do not have serious significant others.  I have been told that everyone over the age of 18 is supposed to get their own invite but I thought it was ridiculous to sent 3 - 4 invitations to the same home.  So, everyone residing in the same house receives the same invitation and that's that...not too mention it helps to curb "plus ones" that are basically kids hoping to score free drinks. 
  • Lol! Hillarious!
  • edited June 2010
    I am originally from NW Ohio and he is from Northern VA.  We decided to have our wedding in Wheeling, West Virginia at Oglebay Resort since this is the half-way point.  We are paying for everything ourselves, so to save money we are not giving out favors and decorations are minimal.  We also didn't invite our whole family. We only invited closest aunts and uncles, parents, grandparents, and our wedding party are our closets friends.  Also, I am not have a bridal shower. I don't feel I need to have one. We haven't completely discussed it, but I think we are not doing a receiving line either. Everyone will be there the day before and the day after, we should be able to see and visit with everyone. 
    Mrs Bullock
  • We aren't even doing a full open bar at all, my wedding fund went to my father's health care...and we are poor college students with a 1 year old! We are just putting $2,000 down on the bar to give our 150 guests a few free drinks...anything after that is up to them!! I know it will go fast....we both come from very Irish famiilies!
  • haha, our families had to adhere to the same warning! I think they are used to it by now....
  • jnessenjnessen member
    First Comment
    edited June 2010
    Our biggest etiquette blunder is that we are having the wedding on a monday and the reception on a friday.  we dont have many guests coming from oot and most of our friends work where we work so they cant take time off for reception.
    we arent having any alcohol (we dont drink and live in ut)
    and i plan on asking for money instead of gifts (not sure how to word it yet) am planning on putting it on save the dates, and we are already established so no need for anything except the really expensive stuff people wont wanna buy for a reception (ie a dyson vacuum)
  • We are only serving beer, water and tea at the reception.. if the guests want wine or liquor they can bring it if they like.. I also printed labels for my invites...
  • What about guests breaking rules?
    I am receiving responses to our invites, and people have added a plus one when the invitation was only addressed to them.  I even had one couple RSVP with their names PLUS his sister!  I couldn't believe it!

    How do you deal with these people without being rude?

    J
  • I scares me how many people actually sound PROUD of the rules they are breaking. I mean, I get that not every one cares about everything, but to gloat over it when you are probably really inconveniencing your guests just makes me frowny.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:ebe6b61e-6cda-4a00-8d6a-936e6799207c">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am not having alcohol at my church reception. Our familys are not big drinkers, I don't want to pay for it, the church doesn't like it, I didn't want to spend $ on a different reception venue, I figure that if a person can NOT go to a wedding for a few hours in 1 afternoon & not drink alcohol, then they have other issues.
    Posted by bonnyandtim[/QUOTE]

    We are also not having alcohol at our reception, mostly because we don't drink , but also in part because I've seen far too much of the way certain members of my family behave in the presence of free drinks :P Agreed about them having other issues. It's my party and I'll not drink if I don't want to :)
  • I dont understand why people go all out and are so damn concerned with how big and lavish their wedding is. In my opinion, a wedding should be a great time for close family and friends to get together and have a great time. Sure you  need to follow some basic rules of common courtesy, but I think people take weddings now to a whole new level of unnecassary means. I also have a gap in between my ceremony and reception and their is about a 25 minute drive. I guess I never read up on "wedding etiquette". but its still going to be beautiful :)
  • I forgot to add in there that its also about your commitment to your fiance and showing the world your love and devotion....with family and friends around. Following basic common courtesy for your friends and family and using your good sense (pending if you have it) should be great.
  • I am so glad to see that I am not the only one who doesn't want to serve booze at my wedding. We're Christians, and though I don't think there is anything wrong with having a drink or two, I think it sets a bad example when spiritual people cant have fun without getting drunk. Also, some of the people we're inviting are recovering addicts, and it would be cruel to provide such a temptation. Finally, I don't want to be responsable for getting everyone home or facing the law if one of my guests drives after having one too many.
  • Amen! Its a miracle celebrated by family and friends, and if those closest to you can't forgive a little ettiquette faux pas here and there, its their issue.
  • Guest of guest are not allowed to walk with an extra guest... That should be understood. If not you have to clearly tell the individual that you are sorry that wasn't made clear on the invitation...and regretfully ask them to please adhere to such invitation.
  • Some ppl here are not the "typical Bride" I didn't even want a wedding. Hate everything that it represents... The entire commercial gossip that I think is completely unnecessary. However I wouldn't parade over someone choices.  I would rather take the money and put it in a future college fund for my future child and get married in the woods like Mel Gibson.
    However due to tradition of my family... I'm giving them what they want by not sacraficing my individuality as well.  I'm sure if all the brides who seem like they are gloating had the cash to fund their wedding the way they wanted it. Everything isn't as exactly how it seems.

    By the way congratulations and I do mean it sincerely without frowning.
  • I have a very Catholic family, and we are not having a Catholic wedding, since the church won't do an outdoor wedding, and we are very outdoorsy people.  This may not be etiquette, per se, but it will make a few of our guests uncomfortable, since the Catholic church doesn't view marriages done outside the church as "real" marriages.  I guess we are doing labels for envelopes too, and I didn't realize the head table thing.  Where can I find these lists?  I'd like to keep my guests as happy and can be, but I really don't know all the rules!

    We do want to provide an opportunity for our guests to get sloppy wasted at the reception, it should be awesome :)
  • Seems to me there are few actual etiquette violations in this thread, for all people seem to enjoy tooting their horns about how much of a "rule breaker OMG!!!1!" they are.

    The following are not violations of etiquette, FYI:

    - Alcohol-free receptions
    - Male bridal attendants and female groomal attendants
    - No attendants
    - Wedding officiants ordained online
    - Weddings held at locations other than churches
    - Receptions that do not offer dancing
    - Cupcakes instead of a wedding cake
    - Not offering favors
    - Minor time lapse between ceremony & reception



  • I'm not only a bride-to-be, but also a wedding photographer for the past 10 years.  I believe that there is a fine line between what people understand as wedding "etiquette" and wedding "tradition", especially these days as it is more acceptable to break both.  Also, almost anything that is considered "etiquette" is almost always such because it is rooted in tradition. 

    For example, invitation wording traditionally included the parents names to honor them for their financial backing of the wedding.  Now it isn't necessary because many couples pay themselves, or some parents contribute, or many parents contribute due to divorced & remarried families. This may be considered an etiquette issue depending on the situation, but not usually.  The same goes for most things people are listing on here as matters of "etiquette."

    I think this is a very interesting post, but that better wording might be "what wedding traditions are you breaking?"

    I myself can say one that I'm breaking, and one that I encourage a lot of my clients to break, is the "not seeing each other before the ceremony" tradition.  In my decade as a wedding photographer, I've realized how much it SUCKS to try to cram the formal photos into the alotted time of the cocktail hour.  Regardless of whether or not the couple provides a shot-list of exact combinations of people for the formal photos, there is rarely enough time to get all the photos they want, AND to get enough great photos of the bride & groom alone.  If you take photos during your cocktail hour, then you're missing out on that time with guests, plus your bridal party & family are annoyed because they're missing out on that time as well.

    Seeing each other before the ceremony, from my experience, in no way detracts from the special moment of seeing your partner for the first time when the bride walks down the aisle.  In fact, most of my clients really like that opportunity to have a moment to themselves on their big day prior to the ceremony.  Usually, I have the family & bridal party gathered for photos a couple hours before the ceremony start time, and when the bride arrives I have the groom stand with his back turned - then the bride approaches, taps him on the shoulder, he turns around & they see each other for the first time on their wedding day.  They embrace, there are tears, they get to take an emotional moment together before the makeup gets re-touched quickly and then we begin with formal photos.  The photos when I do this ALWAYS come out better then when everyone is stressed trying to cram everything into less than an hour. 

    I'm definitely doing this for my wedding in September - if the first time I saw my future husband was walking down the aisle, I'd probably be so emotional I wouldn't be able to say my vows!!!  & I want to have at least an hour to wander to different locations and get some GREAT shots of just us on our special day!

  • Can you define the MINOR lapse between ceremony and reception?  My ceremony starts at noon and ceremony starts at 530 (with about a 30 min drive between).  I have been very stressed about this and all the ideas for entertaining during this time seem expensive.  (our budget is getting maxed out!)  Any ideas?
  • I used labels on my invites (I have terribly hand-writing after about the 4th envelope)
    I didn't register for much because we want the money!
    and My biggest possible no-no...I sent my Fiance's father an invitation, however, on the invitation his parents are listed as his mother and step-father.  To justify, however, they are the ones helping pay for some of the wedding, and he has been a flaky dad up until very recently (as in within the past month).  So hopefully he's not offended...not that hubby's very worried about it.

    I didn't realize not having a full bar was poor ettiquette?  We're having beer and wine and one cocktail.  And as far as the champagne toast, only the weddng party gets the bubbly, that crap is expensive! Money mouth
  • cash bar--a family friend did this and it was fine. would rather have more family and friends be able to attend then host a bar that only one or two people will take advantage of.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:6f8f9a3d-72f5-4760-9f2c-f34ede42514a">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I scares me how many people actually sound PROUD of the rules they are breaking. I mean, I get that not every one cares about everything, but to gloat over it when you are probably really inconveniencing your guests just makes me frowny.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    This.  Its sad and disgusting.  It's like a competition to see who can be the rudest and tacky.
  • If only one or two people would take advantage of an open bar, why not have a consumption plan and pay for their drinks? 

    I don't think we broke any etiquette rules.  We didn't have a traditional wedding, but we still tried to be gracious hosts.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:5dd41393-cc72-423c-86df-5a4b155c7b64">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a very Catholic family, and we are not having a Catholic wedding, since the church won't do an outdoor wedding, and we are very outdoorsy people.  This may not be etiquette, per se, but it will make a few of our guests uncomfortable, since the Catholic church doesn't view marriages done outside the church as "real" marriages.  I guess we are doing labels for envelopes too, and I didn't realize the head table thing.  Where can I find these lists?  I'd like to keep my guests as happy and can be, but I really don't know all the rules! We do want to provide an opportunity for our guests to get sloppy wasted at the reception, it should be awesome :)
    Posted by clairemarie82[/QUOTE]

    I don't think doing labels is that big of a deal.  People think head tables are rude if you exclude the significant others of the bridal party from sitting with their dates.  Head tables are fine as long as the social unit aren't separated.
  • screw ettiquette and traditions. im paying 15K for this, i'll do what i want. obviously, its not cool to make your wedding party go tanning, or tell them not to wear their wedding rings (ive seen both of these things here on the knot), so just plain being nice, i'm all for that! but handwriting invites vs. printing? wow, who cares.
  • "I beat my guests with sticks upon their arrival. I'm not sure if that's an etiquette issue or more of a humanitarian one."
    Posted by cew515

    I prefer rolled up newspaper. Cheaper and recyclable. Use the Sunday funnies, they leave colorful marks! lol
  • Due to the fact my FI and I are paying for the wedding, we are asking those that can to find a baby sitter for the wedding.  We have a daughter ourselves and there will be some kids that are in the wedding party there and a few others that are coming in from out of town that have to bring their kids but again it's very limited.  After putting a "first draft" invite list together I saw their was a possibility of 30 kids if everyone brought them, when you only have 150 people you can invite, that's A LOT.  Plus, it's our wedding not a play date.  So, the kids that will be there will retreat to a room with T.V., video/board games at about 8:30/9pm and we have hired a counselor from the local YC to come watch the kids that will be there.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker Future Mrs. Shaifer
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ettiquette-rules-breaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76d51ea3-385e-47a6-97ef-11cf2f618582Post:aa37dcb3-7878-46f9-959f-d7e33077eb14">Re: What ettiquette rules are YOU breaking?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I myself can say one that I'm breaking, and one that I encourage a lot of my clients to break, is the "not seeing each other before the ceremony" tradition.  In my decade as a wedding photographer, I've realized how much it SUCKS to try to cram the formal photos into the alotted time of the cocktail hour.  Regardless of whether or not the couple provides a shot-list of exact combinations of people for the formal photos, there is rarely enough time to get all the photos they want, AND to get enough great photos of the bride & groom alone.  If you take photos during your cocktail hour, then you're missing out on that time with guests, plus your bridal party & family are annoyed because they're missing out on that time as well. Seeing each other before the ceremony, from my experience, in no way detracts from the special moment of seeing your partner for the first time when the bride walks down the aisle.  In fact, most of my clients really like that opportunity to have a moment to themselves on their big day prior to the ceremony.  Usually, I have the family & bridal party gathered for photos a couple hours before the ceremony start time, and when the bride arrives I have the groom stand with his back turned - then the bride approaches, taps him on the shoulder, he turns around & they see each other for the first time on their wedding day.  They embrace, there are tears, they get to take an emotional moment together before the makeup gets re-touched quickly and then we begin with formal photos.  The photos when I do this ALWAYS come out better then when everyone is stressed trying to cram everything into less than an hour.  I'm definitely doing this for my wedding in September - if the first time I saw my future husband was walking down the aisle, I'd probably be so emotional I wouldn't be able to say my vows!!!  & I want to have at least an hour to wander to different locations and get some GREAT shots of just us on our special day!
    Posted by LindsayAllisonBW[/QUOTE]

    I am planning on doing this too.  I'm glad that as a photographer you have had good experience with this!  We want lots of pictures too, and I hate the super long cocktail hour that inevitably results when couples don't see each other before-hand.  Isn't it more rude to make them wait for you than it is for you break tradition and see each other before?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image 183 Invited image 99 Confirmed image 84 Regrets RSVP Date: August 20th
  • I am not even sure what proper ettiquette is for a wedding anymore. We live in Saskatchewan, Canada and have decided to get married in Ontario Canada where his family is. We are asking half of our guests which includes my whole family to fly out there as we won't be hosting a party in Saskatchewan. We are having a $2 cash bar and serving BBQ for dinner. The main focus is on the ceremoney and the party afterwards. As long as we like what we are doing we don't care if it's proper ettiquette. Our wedding party doesn't have to match they just have to wear purple for the girls and green for the guys. We aren't having a ring bearer or flower girl. We are asking for cash as a gift towards a down payment for a house. We also plan to get our pictures done before the wedding so there isn't a break in between.
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