Destination Reception?

ilabooshka

We are planning a small destination wedding in Hawaii (15-20) people.  We are planning on having a very large reception when we get home, in our hometown.  With all of that considered, we cannot afford a nice reception in Hawaii - would it be appropriate to plan a  semi-casual dinner after the ceremony at a restaurant, pay for drinks and apps and have guests pay for their main dish, if they wish to join us?

BlameCanada

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Pay for their meals or don't invite them.  Skip the reception when you get back home and treat your actual guests properly.

salt78

Worst. Idea. Ever. I'd sooner skip the reception at home and throw your guests at the DW a nice party if you can't do both.

tlv204

Don't invite them if you can't pay for their dinner.

mandybear7

They flew to HI to see you get married. The least you can do is pay for dinner.

ricksang

No. That would not be appropriate. You are asking people to fly to Hawaii to see you two get married and then you won't even feed them? Why can't you have the nice reception in Hawaii?

shellydiane820

Yeah, I think everyone's answer covered it.

You can't do that.

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:76fbe947-5d32-42af-ac41-b6912e110335Post:24a20802-a92d-493f-88a7-2c148c4d1ae7">Destination Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are planning a small destination wedding in Hawaii (15-20) people.  We are planning on having a very large reception when we get home, in our hometown.  With all of that considered, we cannot afford a nice reception in Hawaii - would it be appropriate to plan a  semi-casual dinner after the ceremony at a restaurant, pay for drinks and apps and have guests pay for their main dish, if they wish to join us?
Posted by ilabooshka[/QUOTE]

Who is paying for the large reception?

ilabooshka

I know, i know.  Those were my thoughts too.  Fiance thinks otherwise.  Crap. 

tidetravel

No.  Just. No.

Pay for a nice reception in Hawaii and have a casual reception when you get home IF you can afford it.  Do not invite more people than you can feed.  This goes quadruple for destination weddings.

tidetravel

Sounds like you need to send FI here.

AlexiaANDRobert

Your FI is way wrong here.

Have a complete wedding and reception in Hawaii.  If someone else wants to throw you a party when you get home, let them.  Otherwise, your wedding and reception should be in Hawaii.

FutureMrsTR

If I paid to fly to your wedding in HI and found out you weren't paying for my "main dish" I'd order the hell outta some apps and call it a day.

mocha beans

No.  FI is wrong.  Especially since people are paying to fly out there, you definately need to feed them.

What's your budget for the Hawaii dinner?  Where are you doing the ceremony?  We're doing ours at Lanikuhonua for the ceremony, and maybe there for the dinner if we can swing it.  Otherwise, Roy's is an option for dinner.  There's also Hula Grill I think that seemed reasonable.

ilabooshka

We are planning a beach wedding on Kauai.  Still have a year to plan - just trying to get ideas.  I had a found a few places we might be able to swing for reception dinner, but having trouble convincing him....

salt78

Show him this thread if he doesn't believe you. Not providing food for the people that traveled all the way there to see you get married is very rude. Scale back on the party at home if you need to. 

mocha beans

Ahh, I was thinking of Oahu.  I would post this on the Hawaii local board, the ladies over there might have some suggestions, although Oahu and Maui are the most popular over there.

maggyruth

We have something similar in the works, and considering that very few (read, 1 person) is actually coming with us to Hawaii, we're paying for most of her trip.  If there were more coming, we would adjust, but as for right now, we're planning on going to a luau the evening after we get married.

If there were more coming to Hawaii, there would be no way I would not anticipate making plans for a full on dinner-type reception.

ExpatPumpkin

The only reason to invite people to travel to a DW is because you intend to really wine and dine them...  The best rule of thumb is: Make it worth their trip. 

Even if you were my sister/mother/BFF/cousin, I would be extremely angry if I followed you all the way to Hawaii for your wedding and you didn't have a dinner reception afterwards.  Really, it's the very least you can do if people are going to spend the time/money to travel.

I'm speaking from experience...  We also had a DW and everyone had to travel.  So we invited all the guests to the rehearsal dinner AND had a full reception after the ceremony with cocktails, dinner, music, dancing, etc.  We did not have people travel there for a ceremony only and then throw a reception back home.  What on earth would be the point of that? 

It sounds like you and your FI really want a big wedding with all of your family and friends.  That's fine - just do it at home.  That way you can host your guests properly.  Seriously send your FI here if he really doesn't get it.  Good luck