Another "should we have a registry" question

mfeo24

FI and I are planning an just the two of us elopement in two months. We will send out announcements after the wedding to a small group of close friends and family, but I'm a little worried that a few family members may end up wanting to buy us something. I obviously don't want this to happen, but more than that I don't want people to send us stuff we don't want. I thought I'd create a "back up" registry online so my mom could direct people if they ask. What do you think?

crash2729

No. If they want to give you a gift they'll probably send you a gift card or money.

mfeo24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-should-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77339a10-c595-4eb9-8cb2-17936dcf846ePost:27015316-02c5-430e-a6b4-d0a00962c761">Re: Another "should we have a registry" question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Another "should we have a registry" question : Considering you are not inviting people to your wedding, <strong>I think it would look rather presumptuous to have a gift registry.</strong> That and gift grabby. My answer is no registry.
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

That's my first thought too. But couldn't decide if I looked like I was expecting them or just being prepared...

ElisabethJoanne

I rather feel that if I don't get the fun of seeing you get married, you don't get the convenience of suggesting a gift. Unwanted gifts are part of the incovenience of skipping the public wedding.

In other words, as gifts following elopements should be quite unexpected, registries around elopements are also unexpected, and just rub me the wrong way.

Instead of a formal registry, is there something simple your mother could suggest? I'm setting up my own registry soon, and if it's cloth, we need it, but I'm not particular about brands. If instead of saying, "They registered at Macy's" could your Mom say, "They need linens in yellow and red"? Or are you more particular?

ginadog

I agree, if htere aren't any actual guests then skip the registry all together.  If a relative does want to get you an item then they will - either something material or cash.

tenofcups4me

A friend of mine went to Italy to get married with just her (now) husband and both sets of parents. I wanted to send a gift so I looked online for a registry and found one. Assuming you don't go around randomly telling people, no one will know about the registry unless they're actively looking for it so I don't see the harm.

calindi

Perhaps you could have a personal "wish list" on Amazon?  I have one, for no good event whatsoever.  It's more to keep track of what I want to buy myself when I have the money, but I've been surprised when people have found it and bought me things off it before for birthdays and Christmas and such.  It might be a very low-key way of putting out into cyber space what you'd like, without tying it to a 'wedding registry' or anything even remotely wedding related.

But yeah, I agree with the ladies - anything that is a 'wedding registry' would look gift-grabby.  I get your point and concern, but I think if someone does get you something, you should be grateful (and hope there's a decent return/exchange policy if it's awful).

dumdumfroggie

You're eloping, so you don't get a registry.  If people want to give you something they will find their own way to do so.

achiduck

I would not register in this case.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-should-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77339a10-c595-4eb9-8cb2-17936dcf846ePost:5acfdf8f-f12d-49a4-8a5c-10b05c126a10">Re: Another "should we have a registry" question</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine went to Italy to get married with just her (now) husband and both sets of parents. I wanted to send a gift so I looked online for a registry and found one. Assuming you don't go around randomly telling people, no one will know about the registry unless they're actively looking for it so I don't see the harm.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  You should never advertise your registry, whether you invite guests to your wedding or not.  I don't see the harm in making a registry just to have it out there for people to find in the ways that people usually find registries (in your case, word of mouth or Google, no wedding website or shower invite).  I would keep it small, though--I think a large registry would seem presumptuous in this case. 

Rosie109

Did you guys work out all of your problems? I know fairly recently you had called off your wedding.

mfeo24

Thanks all for the suggestoins! If I do this I actually planned to use our regular Amazon wish list, so no, it was never intended to be a bed bath and beyond "wedding" registry, guess I should have clarified. I think I'll either go that route and let my mom know to say "They didn't do a registry, but I know they keep stuff on Amazon they need...." Either that or I may give her a short list list of ideas.

Milkduds - Yes, that was me and thanks for following up. We took a few weeks off planning, started counseling, and decided that while we have stuff to work on it's nothing we can't handle. Date is booked and we're thrilled!

Also, I've been meaning to tell you, you're dress is the most beautiful I have EVER seen and you look lovely in it!

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-should-registry-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77339a10-c595-4eb9-8cb2-17936dcf846ePost:ddd5c960-00f0-42d9-a155-955d40a6e7cb">Re: Another "should we have a registry" question</a>:
[QUOTE]I would probably skip a registry, or have a very small one for people who seek one out like Ten said she's done before. <strong>Was it you who posted recently about postponing the wedding?  If so, I hope things are better now and you got your differences worked out.
</strong>Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Damn you duds you beat me