Absentee groomsman - still buy gifts?

augurey

FI had asked his brother to be in our wedding. After wedding plans had changed (or were on the verge - we were talking to our families to make sure it worked for them before making it official), FI had spoken with his brother to see if this worked for him.

FI's brother said he would be able to attend and still be in the wedding however his wife would not be able to as she has to work, but he'd definitely be there. This was mid-August.

FI's brother called a couple of nights ago to tell FI that he is no longer coming. He said that he doesn't want to spend the money for the flight for only a day and a half here (he didn't have to worry about travel while here -to/from airport or in town-, food, or hotel as everything would have been provided).

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little upset at this (more or less his reasoning), but whatever, it's not going to change the fact that FI and I are getting married or really make any sort of impact on anything really other than it would have been nice to have all of our siblings in the wedding.

Etiquettely speaking, should FI still buy him gift(s)?

I know FI will say no, but I've been a stickler about ettiquete (much to the annoyance of many, actually - I had to fight to not have FI's brother replaced!), what is the appropriate course of action to take on this?

Gifts - yes or no?

lyndausvi

It's up to your FI.

augurey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_absentee-groomsman-still-buy-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77362799-3b30-4b18-afad-ced474b99dbaPost:f3316c75-7607-4078-bb23-51bad77edd21">Re: Absentee groomsman - still buy gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's up to your FI.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

As long as there is nothing against ettiquete, then I'm fine with whatever he decides. I just didn't want it to be a situation in which he really should. Thanks!

cwaggoner07

I wouldn't, and I wouldn't fault you not doing it.

Like PP said, you are thanking them for taking the time, effort, and expense to help celebrate your wedding.

SmallenForever

I don't think you need to.

[Deleted User]

I agree, I don't think you need to since he bailed on you. If your FI doesn't want to, respect that.

OwningAHome1981

wow I 'd be pissed if my sister didn't attend my wedding. I don't really think there's any excuse for any sibling not to... just my 2 cents.

I know that doesn't really answer your question, I'm just mad for you, that his brother is not coming! How does someone do that to their own brother??

augurey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_absentee-groomsman-still-buy-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77362799-3b30-4b18-afad-ced474b99dbaPost:2d906a1b-faee-496e-91ca-5f639edcb675">Re: Absentee groomsman - still buy gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]wow I 'd be pissed if my sister didn't attend my wedding. I don't really think there's any excuse for any sibling not to... just my 2 cents. I know that doesn't really answer your question, I'm just mad for you, that his brother is not coming! How does someone do that to their own brother??
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

It's really hard to explain FI's brother. I've only met him a couple of times. I'm trying to think maybe that his reason of not wanting to spend money on a plane ticket for a day and a half trip might be a cover up for "he doesn't have the money" but didn't want to say for sure. I don't know.  It bothers me because I know he makes a lot more than FI makes (granted I don't know their financial situation - definitely not my business) and FI spent over $1000 to go to his. I'm upset by it, but at the same time I'm just trying to brush it off because I really don't know the full reason behind it.

To be honest, I almost think the only reason he was planning on coming to our May wedding is because they were planning a "family" trip to Niagra right after - basically the whole family other than FI and myself unless we spent our honeymoon with his family. I think that kind of upsets me a little more that he'd plan for a family vacation knowing this. But again, I really don't know all the reasoning - I can only speculate, so I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

I defintely am disappointed, but the show must go on!

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_absentee-groomsman-still-buy-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:77362799-3b30-4b18-afad-ced474b99dbaPost:8cd7c48b-a75e-4133-98ab-aa48f1960bba">Re: Absentee groomsman - still buy gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Absentee groomsman - still buy gifts? : It's really hard to explain FI's brother. I've only met him a couple of times. I'm trying to think maybe that his reason of not wanting to spend money on a plane ticket for a day and a half trip might be a cover up for "he doesn't have the money" but didn't want to say for sure. I don't know.  It bothers me because I know he makes a lot more than FI makes (granted I don't know their financial situation - definitely not my business) and FI spent over $1000 to go to his. I'm upset by it, but at the same time I'm just trying to brush it off because I really don't know the full reason behind it. To be honest, I almost think the only reason he was planning on coming to our May wedding is because they were planning a "family" trip to Niagra right after - basically the whole family other than FI and myself unless we spent our honeymoon with his family. I think that kind of upsets me a little more that he'd plan for a family vacation knowing this. But again, I really don't know all the reasoning - I can only speculate, so I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I defintely am disappointed, but the show must go on!
Posted by augurey[/QUOTE]


Awww I'm really sorry that's happening. You have a great attitude though. Enjoy your wedding and I hope it is perfect in every way. :)