Would you stay?

crfische

1) If your husband cheated on you with another woman?

2) If your husband cheated on you with a man?

3) If you found out your husband was having an internet affair?

4) Does the TYPE of cheating matter?

and go.

lilgina64

1- maybe?
2- no way jose, that ship has sailed
3- maybe?
4- ya probably?

as you can see i'm pretty wishy washy unless he is gay. I just havent had a husband cheat on me. I feel like boyfriends are pretty disposable in the sense that you can always just break up and meet someone new... divorce is another animal. So i cant honestly say I KNOW what I would do. I hope I'm never put in that position either.

AmoroAgain

No to ALL.

crfische

Well, there's a woman who is going to be on oprah tomorrow who had a husband who cheated on her with another man, and she stuck with him. Hence, the inspiration for this here question.

Kati0105

1) Maybe, depending on the circumstances (i.e. one time mistake versus long-term affair)

2) Nope, but I would imagine he would probably be the one to leave at that point?

3) Probably, unless it had really crossed the line and/or he refused to break it off.

4) To me it does.  I'd be hurt either way but I'd have an easier time getting over a drunken one night stand on a business trip than a long-term hidden affair with someone in our lives.  In either case if I chose to stay there would definitely be counseling involved.  If FI cheated with a man, it would be hard for me not to suspect that he was actually gay, and I don't think I could move past that suspicion.

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-stay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:779987bf-f8ac-4846-8775-fd1bbbe2b1c6Post:3c7258d3-5fdb-4477-81ef-ffbc3705f767">Would you stay?</a>:
<p>[QUOTE]1) If your husband cheated on you with another woman? <font color="#339966">No.</font>  </p><p> </p><p>2) If your husband cheated on you with a man?<font color="#339966"> No.</font> </p><p> </p><p>3) If you found out your husband was having an internet affair?<font color="#339966"> Most probably not.</font>  </p><p> </p><p>4) Does the TYPE of cheating matter? <font color="#339966">No. If it were less 'serious' (aka internet vs. reality) I would be more inclined to try to work through things, but honestly, I don't think I could get over it... and even if I could, I believe that I deserve better treatment than that, and have more pride than to reduce myself to being second best to some male or female hussy. ;P </font></p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>

sarah0725

1. Nope. 2. Nope. 3. Nope. 4. Nope.

I'm done with cheating, and I think it's despicable. I don't think it would ever happen with me and FI, which is one of the reasons why we're dating (in addition to all the other ones), and if he ever cheated, it would mean that I had completely misjudged his moral character. That would be it for me.

mocha beans

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-stay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:779987bf-f8ac-4846-8775-fd1bbbe2b1c6Post:3c7258d3-5fdb-4477-81ef-ffbc3705f767">Would you stay?</a>:
[QUOTE]1) If your husband cheated on you with another woman?  <strong>Depends.  Did he fess up, did I accidentally find him out, one time thing, long term thing?  Counseling would be started immediately, then I'd decide.</strong>
2) If your husband cheated on you with a man?  <strong>Probably not.  But there would definatly also be counseling.</strong>
3) If you found out your husband was having an internet affair?  <strong>Same as #1.  And he'd have his internet life monitored if we stay together.</strong>
4) Does the TYPE of cheating matter?  <strong>Yes.  I think I can deal with a one time drunken escapade better than a long term physical and emotional affair.  While I'd obviously be very upset about a drunken one nighter, shiit does happen, but having an emotional affair means there was conscious thought put into it, and obviously the vows said didn't stop him.</strong> and go.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

RachNRich

1) If your husband cheated on you with another woman?
It depends.
2) If your husband cheated on you with a man?
It depends.
3) If you found out your husband was having an internet affair?
It depends.

4) Does the TYPE of cheating matter?
I'm not sure. 

Part of me thinks I can never answer this question honestly until I've been in that situation--but I was cheated on in a relationship a few years back, and I still wanted to be with him. 

But another man? I'm not sure how I would handle that--it would be more than affair, it would be a long standing lie about his sexuality. 

And an internet affair? I put that on the same wave-length as cheating physically--and I'm just not sure how I would handle it. 

aMrsin09

1 & 2, no I wouldn't stay

3, I'd be a bit more likely to find out what the problem was that led him to this and work on it.  I would also be installing one of those keystroke monitoring programs to the computer.

4. see #3

laurenclaire1386

No to all. Cheating is cheating (emotional or physical) and that's not what I signed up for. I don't think I'd be capable of getting over it or working it out if FI cheated on me. That's a big fat dealbreaker.

[Deleted User]

Any sort of cheating, to me, means you aren't happy in your current relationship.  It's hard to answer without being in the situation yourself, but I think I would talk with him first to see if he was committed to making it work or improving what went wrong.  I don't think cheating has to be a definite deal breaker if both people are willing to communicate.   

thesuninherhead

On that topic, fische- one of my good friends told H and I the other day that she's worried her H is cheating and has found a 'boyfriend or girlfriend' at work. 

 

He's a little metro and given the circumstances of him working a lot extra (highly out of character) and seeming much happier of late etc etc, I do understand where she's coming from... I hope that she's wrong, though, because they are both close friends of ours and have gorgeous kids together. I don't think she would forgive him if her instinct is right, though.

tlv204

I would go to counseling or try to work through things in some other manner, but chances are it would end up being NO to all.

playtntsbpg30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-stay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:779987bf-f8ac-4846-8775-fd1bbbe2b1c6Post:3c7258d3-5fdb-4477-81ef-ffbc3705f767">Would you stay?</a>:
[QUOTE]1) If your husband cheated on you with another woman?  <strong>NO, I don't believe this should ever happen under any circumstances.</strong>
2) If your husband cheated on you with a man? <strong>NO WAY IN HELL would I stay. This is a deal breaker for sure.</strong>
3) If you found out your husband was having an internet affair?<strong> this is a maybe. it really depends... I do not think I would stay.</strong>
 4) Does the TYPE of cheating matter? <strong>Not really, cheating is cheating. He wants to be with another woman or man, that means for whatever reason he's not happy with me so it's the end. </strong>
 and go.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

crfische

OH sun, I feel for your friend.

I'd be out on all accounts, I would like to believe.

I've dealt with cheating bastards in the past, and I'm not really all up for dealing with one for life.

**Mutley**

1) If your husband cheated on you with another woman?
I would try to go through counseling with him.  I know that there would have be something wrong in our relationship to lead to the cheating, so it would also depend on if that something could be fixed.  Ultimately, I don't think I could get past it. 

2) If your husband cheated on you with a man?
Nope.  However, like others, I doubt he would want to be with me anyways.
 
3) If you found out your husband was having an internet affair?
Same as #1

4) Does the TYPE of cheating matter?
No.  Cheating is cheating.  We talked about what we consider cheating during our pre-marital counseling, so there should be no confusion as to where either one of us stands.  

puokgirl

My FI and I talked about this very seriously about 12 years ago (we've been together 15 years) when we realized we were serious about each other.  My father cheated on my mother for years.  He charged up all of the credit cards for his girlfriend and left when I was 3 years old, came back when I was 5 (the GF kicked him out), then left again when I was 8 after cleaning out the bank account for his GF again.  My FI knows that I have real trust issues when it comes to men & money, and men & cheating.  We only combined our checking accounts 2 years ago because of my trust issues.

I've asked him to be very aware of his actions and how those actions might be interpreted by me, especially when it comes to being around women.  I don't mean flirting with them, I mean being touchy-feely, spending lots of time alone with them, and ignoring me.  The same rules apply to me.

We've both agreed to discuss our concerns about each other's behavior if any should arise.  Two of his friends are very flirty with me, and even though I'm not attracted to them it makes him uncomfortable so I've agreed to never be alone with them.  There is also a friend of mine that he's never alone with because she's too touchy-feely for my comfort.  There's another that we don't talk to anymore because she suggested a 3-some and got crazy when I said no (I'm not anti-3somes, I just didn't find her attractive).

Although I doubt very much that he will ever do anything with a male, if he were to experiment I'd have to evaluate what that means for our relationship.  Is he gay? Probably not.  Is he bi-sexual?  Maybe, but it was probably just an experiment. Then I'd go from there.

An online relationship is far more likely with me than with him.  He sees online people as "not real".  If he hasn't met you, then you don't really exist.  But even still, I would have to evaluate the relationship to see where it's going and if it can be fixed.

So outside of the rule that we have to discuss anything that makes us uncomfortable, we also have a rule that if we're tempted we need leave the situation and discuss it.  We do have the same definition of cheating, but that only came about through a lot of talking and boundary testing.  Sharing is one thing, cheating is another.  Cheating is not allowed, neither is physical/mental abuse or theft.