Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question about a large bridal party.

Here's the back story.  I wanted to have 4 bridesmaids (ages 20 - 32) and 2 flower girls (2 and 6 yrs. old) and 4 groomsmen. I felt like a long processional seems a little over the top and can get long and for some reason I'm embarassed to have one.  Then, one distant cousin who is 9 years old asked to be a flower girl and I couldn't say no to one which meant the rest of the first cousins who I was a lot closer to and the same age range had to be included.  I thought they were too old to be flower girls so I made this group Jr. Bridesmaids (there are 4 of them).  Then, my fiance had relatives come out of the wood work and we felt like we should have his cousins two daughters in the bridal party since she assumed they'd be invited and we didn't want to have kids attending who aren't in the bridal party.  (It seemed like a good excuse to have some kids but not all.)  

Basically we've ended up with 4 bridesmaids, 4 jr. bridesmaids, 4 flower girls (with little boy escorts in order to allow the other parents to bring their children who are 1st cousins and stilll abide by the bridal party/children rule) and a pair of identical twins as ring bearers.  There are only about 100 guests for the wedding which includes the bridal party.  In addition, myself and my FI have 2 sets of "parents' we'd like to walk down the aisle. I'm also assuming my mother will ask that my grandmother also walk down the aisle.   

The question is, are there any short cuts so I don't have a 20 minute processional? Is there anyway for the Groomsmen to just apparate up front? Do the bridesmaids HAVE to walk down the aisle? Is there anyway I can send the Jr. Bridesmaids down as a group? What is the purpose of this processional? Is it so the parents of the Jr. Bridesmaids and flower girls etc. have a photo op, because if so - the group thing may not work. I was thinking that the bridesmaids and groomsmen could just go and stand up front, then the 4 sets of parents, 4 jr. bridesmaids, 4 flower girls, and the ring bearers follwed by myself. That was more of what I had in mind except it would have been the bridesmaids walking and not the jr. version.  One perk is that my bridesmaids could care less if they have to walk down the aisle.   

I'm obviously clueless and I also have a problem with saying "no" in fear of appearing rude. 

Do you guys think I'm over thinking this...I just really didn't want a long processional, but even more so I didn't want to exclude my cousins once that distant cousin wanted "in".    

Re: Question about a large bridal party.

  • You can definitely have the guys just sort of "preset" at the front. That's what we're doing. Just have them come in from the side or make their way to the front once all guests are seated.
  • I agree with Stage.

    Side note, I understand your reasoning...but as long as you say "ok, we'll fit that in" whenever someone asks/requests to do something you didn't already want, it's going to keep going this way. If you're ok with that, rock on. But it is ok to say no. Good luck with your planning!
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-a-large-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77de280e-bb27-40f1-a498-1057d6ea786bPost:ccebe1ef-4139-4fc8-adf6-3c3f7a48f5fd">Re: Question about a large bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Stage. Side note, I understand your reasoning...but as long as you say "ok, we'll fit that in" whenever someone asks/requests to do something you didn't already want, it's going to keep going this way. If you're ok with that, rock on. But it is ok to say no. Good luck with your planning!
    Posted by cbrown828[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. I realize the ship has sailed, but you allowed a 9-year-old to direct your wedding plans.</div><div>
    </div><div>Stage's idea sounds good. That way it's just a steady stream, like regular guests walking in. It won't be nearly as long that way. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I think it would be ok to send the FGs and RBs down as a group or two groups. Maybe send the Jr. bridemaids in pairs. BMs one at a time.

    Maybe even send the little ones down first (before Jr and BMs). That way if they get nervous or cry it doesnt delay the ceremony.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-a-large-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77de280e-bb27-40f1-a498-1057d6ea786bPost:ccebe1ef-4139-4fc8-adf6-3c3f7a48f5fd">Re: Question about a large bridal party.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Stage. Side note, I understand your reasoning...but as long as you say "ok, we'll fit that in" whenever someone asks/requests to do something you didn't already want, it's going to keep going this way. If you're ok with that, rock on. But it is ok to say no. Good luck with your planning!
    Posted by cbrown828[/QUOTE]

    <div>This, again. </div>
  • This is all excellent advice, I never considered just having them come out and walk at a normal pace one right after the other.  I'm either going to have groomsmen and bridesmaids just make their way to the front right away and not walk down the aisle. Or have them walk in pairs quickly one after the other.  

    Is it ok to send Jr. Bridesmaids in pairs as well? Then we have flower girls and ring bearers.

    When do the sets of parents and grandmother walk? 

    In general can you tell me what the order would be? 
  • The Procession
    The basic Christian procession will go as follows:

    • The officiant, groom and best man will wait at the altar.
    • The groomsmen will either walk in from the side or will walk down the aisle accompanied by a bridesmaid.
    • The bridesmaid who will stand farthest from the bride at the altar will walk down the aisle first. Followed by the other bridesmaids.
    • The ring bearer and flower girl will walk down the aisle next (usually they are seated with their parents after they reach the altar).
    • The maid of honor will then walk down the aisle.
    • Finally, the bride will make her grand entrance and walk to the left of her escort as she makes her way down the aisle.

    Found on: http://www.maweddingguide.com/planning/weddingparty/lineup.htm

  • I'm trying to be smart about picking my battles (advice from my friends who are married-they said they wish they didn't make such a big deal about the little things looking back). I try to look at it as...will this upset me more than it is worth making someone else happy?  

    I did allow a 9-year old to hijack my bridal party, but I'm counting on it being a moot point that getting everyone down the aisle will take an extra minute or whatever. I don't think that telling her she couldn't be in it would have been a moot point, considering who her mother is.  Regardless, I would like to avoid a long train as much as possible and the advice you gals have given is excellent.  

    I hope that she will be thankful and happy to be a part of it and look back on it favorably.  I felt like my family would have all heard about it if I had said "no" and would remember that years from now.  I figured that if I said "yes" that there would be less drama. (If anything it kinda make the 9 year olds mother look rude for allowing her to do that - she facebooked me from her mother's account)

    I think I might do a combination of your recommendations - the knot is pretty fantastic. 
  • I totally agree with you about it being a moot point about letting a 9 yr old "hijack" yoour bridal party.  The same thing happened to me.  I have an 11 yr old cousin, who seems to think/remember that when she was 6, I told her she could be my flower girl (of course at the time I wasn't seeing anyone seriously and she asked, so I said "of course you can be my flower girl").  She has a siser and 2 cousins, all girls that are very close, so including one of them, and not the others would cause tears and tantrums that are not worth it.  So I made her a jr bridesmaid and the other girls flower girls.  We are just going to have the flower girls walk in pairs and, the bridesmaides (7 total), walk normally down the aisle.  The groomsmen will be at the front of the church waiting after they enter from the side.  I totally agree that it is easier to include people than to make people really upset/fight about it.  It's a happy occasion and if it makes people really happy to feel included and only takes an extra minute or two, I think it is totally worth it

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