my sister thinks she is the maid of honor

crysbrown1031

Ever since we have announced my engagement, my mother and sister have assumed that my sister will be the moh. The problem is she is flaky and all about her. I don't want her to be the maid of honor, it was just pushed on me. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want my future sister in law to stand next to me. Her and I are much closer and she is the one doing all the planning with me. How do I tell my sister?

MsAmeera25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-thinks-she-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:77fe9ec8-dc35-4107-a8bd-433c1febd600Post:1fbbab5b-130a-4f75-ba11-3c2d1e9a41a3">my sister thinks she is the maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Ever since we have announced my engagement, my mother and sister have assumed that my sister will be the moh. The problem is she is flaky and all about her.<strong> I don't want her to be the maid of honor, it was just pushed on me</strong>. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want my future sister in law to stand next to me. Her and I are much closer and she is the one doing all the planning with me. How do I tell my sister?
Posted by crysbrown1031[/QUOTE]

<div>Your MOH should be the person nearest and dearest. I think the fact that you said you don't want her to be your MOH says a lot. Pick the person you want, you aren't obligated to pick her just because she's your sister.</div>

NOLAbridealmost

Just have sister be a bridesmaid. 

Or you could have two MOHs.  One can sign your marriage license and stand next to you during the ceremony and the other can give the toast/sit next to you at the reception.  Let them flip a coin to decide which role they'll play if they can't pick amongst themselves.

Ditto PP who said that you shouldn't pick based on the ability to help with the wedding.  It should be who is you nearest and dearest.  If your sister doesn't fall into that category at all just tell her.  And tell your mom too so that everyone's on the same page.

SparrowSong

Honestly, to spare feelings I'd probably not chose a MOH and just call both bridesmaids, at least for now. It obviously means something to you sister, and I just don't see the point of hurting feelings over something like this. 

mollyehren

I was in this exact same position, my sister is 20 and all about herself and my FSIL (brother getting married 6 weeks after me) is the only other female in the bridal party. I wanted FSIL to do it and my entire family including my brother hounded me that my sister should be MOH. What I did was talk to FSIL and she essentially is doing the role of MOH but technically a bridesmaid.

RaptorSLH

First, you remember that a bridesmaid's or MOH's list of "duties" is actually far shorter than the wedding industry would have you believe, and her flakiness won't matter all that much.  Decide on your weddin gparty with that in mind.

Second, you tell your mother that you will be picking your own wedding party.  No discussion.

Third, you ask your sister to whatever role you wish her to have.  No discussion about why she didn't get something else.

chattychiqa

Out of curiosity, how many do you have?

chattychiqa

My impression of her OP is that her SIL is more enthusiastic about wedding stuff...? I agree it shouldn't be based on who will "do for you" but I also wonder if her sister seems complacent.

chattychiqa

I just saw it! Stupid iPad won't let me reply. I'll log on to a desktop later. :-) thanks mtishawt

kelnash89

Have them both fill a role of honor. My younger sister (who also tries to make it all about her) is my maid of honor and my future sister in law is my matron of honor.

Make sure you outline each BMs duties upfront and very clearly so no one tries to over step or anything. And if you do honor both girls, make sure you give them each duties of equal weight. Maybe let your sister plan the bachelorette party and your FSIL plan the bridal shower?

RussoWill

My little sister also assumed she was going to be MOH. It was easier to tell her why I chose my BFF- my sister was 18, just starting college and would be MIA all summer and we're 7 years apart. I don't think she has any hard feelings and both signed the marriage certificate.

crysbrown1031

I have one sister and one step sister I grew up with. I know that my MOH is pretty much supposed to just stand with me, but I also want my MOH to be with me when I try on my dress, and do all the fun parts of planning my wedding. After all, my MOH is supposed to be the one I am closest to so it would make sense she would be there for those things, right? It's not that I don't think my sister is not happy for me, but she is all and all pretty much kind of "whatever".  I feel if I left it to her, I wouldn't have a bachelorette party or anything. I know that's selfish, but this is my ONE day.

chrryblndchick

I have been in a similar position, except I was who the bride wanted for her MOH but her sister assumed she would be MOH. She opted to have two. As her friend, I personally wanted to do whatever made things easier for her and I hope those around you would feel the same.

If you're afraid of your sister stealing the spotlight on your day, then have your SIL stand next to you at the ceremony and let your sister sit next to you at dinner.

I am also in the camp of "It's your wedding, do what makes you happy," but I don't have a sister. Good luck!