Step Dad or Dad ?

born2makeulaugh

My parents have been divoriced for over 13 years and though they have moved on in life, my mom is on non speaking terms with my father. She has since remarried but highlights my step father.

I would love to have my father walk me down the isle & my mom is very clear of my decision. However, is there anyway I could include my step dad in the ceremony ?

thanks !

aragx6

You could have one meet you halfway down the aisle and do a hand off, you could have both walk you down together or you could make your stepdad a reader or an usher. You can also definitely get him a boutonniere.

born2makeulaugh

Oh boy, I don't think those two next to each other will be a good idea. They just don't get along. Yes, I am sure they can put there differences aside but - it's the awkwardness for me that I do not think I can handle.

Although, having my step dad be a reader is not a bad idea......

aragx6

That's a shame. I'd be inclined to tell them both to nut up and play nice for one damn day in order to make someone they love happy.

But if you really don't think that would work, I'd go with reader or usher.

TaraMc728

I agree, you can ask him to be a reader or an usher.  They are adults, and I am sure they will put thier differences aside for you on your day.

strlzfan11

He can also excort your mother down the aisle.

wright944

I am going to have my step dad escort my mom down the aisle, and I am going to have a special dance with him at the reception after I have the father daughter dance. My dad and step dad don't really hate each other, but I want both involved and this was the best way I could think of doing it without hurting either one and having them both involved. Especially if you still have a good relationship with your dad. 

kmmssg

Have your stepdad be a reader.

I will be honest that "sometimes" I think bio dads get a  big huge shaft in this.  Some bio dads suck and are deadbeats.  I'm not talking about those guys.  I'm talking about the ones who didn't get custody but always paid child support, always showed up for their visitation, weekends, school functions, etc.  The ones who were always there but lived elsewhere.

My DH is one of those dads.  So is my ex-husband.  My husband has been beyond wonderful to my girls but if they asked him to also take part in walking them down the aisle, he would tell them no and that belonged to their dad.

My youngest stepdd got married at 18, engaged at 17 and we were the only ones who didn't think this was a great idea.  She decided that she would have DH walk her the first half of the aisle to represent the first half of her life when her parents were married, and then hand her off to stepdad to give her away because he was the "one there for her."
No, he was the one she lived with.  Dh was at every concert, every program, every Wednesday night, every parent teacher conference, every holiday, every birthday, etc.  He just didn't have custody.  I've never seen him so hurt and he had every right to be.

When a dad can't be there 24/7 but is there in every possible way he can be, I don't think he should have to share the walk down the aisle.  It isn't a case of him needing to "nut up and deal with it."  This is just as emotional for him as it would be if he were still married to the MOB and that should be considered to.  Sometimes I am stunned at the comments that say the dad will have to deal with it and it is no big deal.  yes, it is.

There are wonderful stepdads out there.  I am married to one of them.  He has said emphatically that he would never dream of horning in on that moment between my ex-h and my daughters because it should belong to my ex-h as he was a good dad. 

Again, this has nothing to do with deadbeat dads vs stepdads who really stepped up to the plate.  But the non custodial dad who has done everything he should and can, deserves the honor.

This is a P&R for right now, gotta run DS about an hour away.

LDubHawksFan

I am having my dad walk me down the aisle, but having my step dad cut in half way through the father daughter dance (my father is ok with it!).  I wanted to honor him too!  I think a reader is a good idea if they can't be close to each other for 10 seconds to walk you down the aisle!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-dad-or-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:786440c3-9d57-4e9a-994c-8f7abc08453dPost:3383fcce-6fd2-40f7-bded-8f82c8e0f0d3">Re: Step Dad or Dad ?</a>:
[QUOTE]Have your stepdad be a reader. I will be honest that "sometimes" I think bio dads get a  big huge shaft in this.  Some bio dads suck and are deadbeats.  I'm not talking about those guys.  I'm talking about the ones who didn't get custody but always paid child support, always showed up for their visitation, weekends, school functions, etc.  The ones who were always there but lived elsewhere. My DH is one of those dads.  So is my ex-husband.  My husband has been beyond wonderful to my girls but if they asked him to also take part in walking them down the aisle, he would tell them no and that belonged to their dad. My youngest stepdd got married at 18, engaged at 17 and we were the only ones who didn't think this was a great idea.  She decided that she would have DH walk her the first half of the aisle to represent the first half of her life when her parents were married, and then hand her off to stepdad to give her away because he was the "one there for her." No, he was the one she lived with.  Dh was at every concert, every program, every Wednesday night, every parent teacher conference, every holiday, every birthday, etc.  He just didn't have custody.  I've never seen him so hurt and he had every right to be. When a dad can't be there 24/7 but is there in every possible way he can be, I don't think he should have to share the walk down the aisle.  It isn't a case of him needing to "nut up and deal with it."  This is just as emotional for him as it would be if he were still married to the MOB and that should be considered to.  Sometimes I am stunned at the comments that say the dad will have to deal with it and it is no big deal.  yes, it is. There are wonderful stepdads out there.  I am married to one of them.  He has said emphatically that he would never dream of horning in on that moment between my ex-h and my daughters because it should belong to my ex-h as he was a good dad.  Again, this has nothing to do with deadbeat dads vs stepdads who really stepped up to the plate.  But the non custodial dad who has done everything he should and can, deserves the honor. This is a P&R for right now, gotta run DS about an hour away.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

EXCELLENT Post!!

divinemsbee

Every single thing Kmmssg said.

OP, you mention your mother's relationship with your father, and your step-father and father's feelings for each other, but not yours for your father or your father's for you. That's the important thing here. If you two are close and that is what you want, then you go for it, he's your dad. I do think a boutonniere for your step-father is a nice nod to him for your mom's sake. My mom's husband will be walking her up the aisle. 

While my parents had completely joint physical and legal custody, I didn't live with my dad all the time. And I can't imagine thinking he was less of a parent because of it. My parents didn't have the best divorce, but they committed to raising their kids together and will behave themselves for my wedding because they are not 12. 

Kimbac13

I am finding myself in a similar situation.  I completely agree with kmmssg.  I know that my father wouldn't tell me so, but that he would be incredibly hurt if I had my step-father walk me down any part of the aisle or cut in for the father-daughter dance. 

We are having my step-father lsited in the program as a parent of the bride, getting him a boutineer, having him walk my Mom down the aisle, and I will have a dance with him later in the reception.

Having him do a reading is also a great idea.  There are lots of opportunities to recognize both your Dad and your step-dad.  Consider your relationships with each of them.  Good Luck!

TaraMc728

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_step-dad-or-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:786440c3-9d57-4e9a-994c-8f7abc08453dPost:8c0e5534-e2f2-4ce5-a093-60693a0469cc">Re: Step Dad or Dad ?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am finding myself in a similar situation.  I completely agree with kmmssg.  I know that my father wouldn't tell me so, but that he would be incredibly hurt if I had my step-father walk me down any part of the aisle or cut in for the father-daughter dance.  <strong>We are having my step-father lsited in the program as a parent of the bride, getting him a boutineer, having him walk my Mom down the aisle, and I will have a dance with him later in the reception.</strong> Having him do a reading is also a great idea.  There are lots of opportunities to recognize both your Dad and your step-dad.  Consider your relationships with each of them.  Good Luck!
Posted by Kimbac13[/QUOTE]
This is what we did at my wedding and it worked out.