No thank you card, but others received one?

AJuliaNJ

I gave a cash gift at a wedding in September. It never occurred to me that I didn't receive a thank you until I was out at dinner with a bunch of friends and the bride. My one friend told her how cute the thank you card was, and the others echoed. I actually never received one. I did move since she sent the invite (but I'm pretty sure I received a Christmas card at our new address) so it's possible she could have sent it to the wrong place if she was referring back to her original list. That was my original thought, but then a couple weeks ago, I was reading a thread on the Wedding Recap and WIthdrawal board where posters talked about how prevalant the stealing/disappearing of gifts are. Do you think I should check in with her to ensure she received it or am I overthinking this? 

GoodLuckBear14

Was it cash or a check?  If it was cash, I'd probably ask if she got it.  If it was a check, make sure it was cashed and then drop it.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-thank-you-card-but-others-received-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78a9b739-5266-4089-8fe8-3b96b1d93576Post:c88c798f-a837-4c3e-84b4-0e148cb0da50">Re: No thank you card, but others received one?</a>:
[QUOTE]Was it cash or a check?  If it was cash, I'd probably ask if she got it.  If it was a check, make sure it was cashed and then drop it.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>Cash. I actually had forgotten her original card and check at home, and had to take a taxi into town (this was a destination wedding) to buy a new card and take some cash out.</div>

Kate61487

Ehh I don't think it would be rude to ask; given the recent discussion about the thank yous.  But I guess I wonder what you're hoping to gain; just to alert them that they might have a thief among their friends/family/venue?  If it was stolen would you give them another cash gift?  

If it was a check that was never cashed and you had the opportunity to a) remind them to cash it or b) cancel it and write another that would be a little different.  Or if you'd shipped a physical gift directly from the store and could go back to the store to find out why it never showed.  But since it's cash and it was 5 months ago I kinda feel like the ship has sailed.  but perhaps others disagree...

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-thank-you-card-but-others-received-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78a9b739-5266-4089-8fe8-3b96b1d93576Post:52f16a05-a582-4255-9296-5134fbe77894">Re: No thank you card, but others received one?</a>:
[QUOTE]But I guess I wonder what you're hoping to gain[/QUOTE]

<div>I would just be totally embarrassed if my friend thought I didn't bring a gift. That's all. </div><div>
</div><div>Yes, if it was stolen, I would give her a new gift.</div>

AJuliaNJ

It was over a month ago when we all went out to dinner and my other friends brought it up. I thought it might be just running behind as well.

avolker1

Not completely the same thing, but I gave my cousin cash in a card at her wedding in 2010 and while I received a thank you note, she did not thank me for the gift itself, just for coming. I saw the thank you note my mom got and my cousin thanked her for her generous gift. So it has always bugged me that somehow she might not have gotten my card and I'm like you, I hate the feeling that someone might think I showed up with no gift. Just wanted to say I know how you feel!

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-thank-you-card-but-others-received-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78a9b739-5266-4089-8fe8-3b96b1d93576Post:327d9e2c-aa78-4a35-b417-89ea19c76a30">Re: No thank you card, but others received one?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would let it go.  One of three things probably happened (assuming she is a well-intended woman) 1.)  She didn't write down your name on the list of gifts for a thank you. 2.)  She wrote the thank you note and it got lost in shuffle and is somewhere between couch cushions. 3.)  The money got lost. I honestly don't see how any of these turning out with one of you feeling guilty or awkward.  If #3 is the case, I can hear the dialogue as such: "Oh, I'll send you the money" "no, no you don't have to do that" "oh yes, I insist". Honestly, if I somehow overlooked writing a thank you card for cash and the friend asked me if I got the gift, I would feel as though she's checking up on me to see why I didn't write the TY.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>You are so right! I guess all I can do is hope she got it.</div>

erinlin25

I had a similiar situation at my best friends wedding. We gave them a card with a check; and kept noticing that it was not cashed.  I didn't say anything at first, but when I got a thank you card a few months later it was a basic thank you for coming and didn't mention the check (it was nicer than that, haha) but anyway it definitely made me question if they ever got it since it still had not been cashed--so since she was my best friend I obviously felt comfortable enough asking her about it--and they didn't get it!  I felt so dumb and embarrased that they thought we didn't give them anything.  She was ok with it of course, but I still felt horrible and was sure to cancel the first check (which I'm sure at that point was lost, but still rather pay the fee then worry about it turning up) and go a new card with new check and sent it to them.  Still a mystery to what happened, but its definitely possible it fell off somewhere.  FI was BF at the time and since I was in the bridal party he was in charge of turning in the card--he says he put it on top of my parents gift He didn't realize there was a card box; would hate to think it was taken but I guess these days you never know.  Anyway, it can happen and if you are worried about it and definitely does not hurt to ask. 

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-thank-you-card-but-others-received-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:78a9b739-5266-4089-8fe8-3b96b1d93576Post:82d4c499-f15a-4221-a1ec-93057437e2ac">Re: No thank you card, but others received one?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No thank you card, but others received one? : I would just be totally embarrassed if my friend thought I didn't bring a gift. That's all.  Yes, if it was stolen, I would give her a new gift.
Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]


I am in this same frame of reference. I would be worried they never got it and I would just ask......Most people would understand in the end that you just wanted to make sure they received it

jmayinc

I can see both sides of it. I can see the bride thinking you are checking her for not sending a thank you and think you're petty. But at the same time I would worry about her not receiving it. Maybe you can bring it up as she is talking about buying something, like if she is talking about buying something, you could say "you could use all the money you got for the wedding, I know that's what I gave you money for, I'm sure everyone else felt the same way". Tough spot to be in.