Guest Keeps Changing Mind - Wedding on Saturday!

morganthompson

I invited a long-lost friend to my wedding (haven't seen in 8 years). He was single, so I didn't include a date on his response card. He accepted.

4 weeks before wedding, he got a girlfriend. He asked to invite her but, since we're paying over $100 per person, I had to say no. He continued to ask several times, in different ways ("Can we eat the same dinner?" "Can I not eat and she eats?") Finally, he said he would not attend if he couldn't bring her. I removed him from the guest list.

The wedding is in 5 days. Last night, he calls to say that he's been dumped, so he wants to attend the wedding again. But I already put in the final count to the cater! Is he being rude to keep changing his mind so soon to the wedding, or should I let him back in? I'm kind of fed up with him, since I haven't seen him in so long anyway (we're not that close), and I think he's being rude to continually change his mind (even if it's due to events somewhat beyond his control).

wadingmoose

I would tell him, "sorry, but I've already given the final numbers to the caterer."  Since you have and all.

morganthompson

Ugh - he's a very charasmatic person, and he has a way of fanangaling himself into parties and such. But now, he's pushed me too far and I don't want him there anymore. I have enough on my mind without him changing his mind and worrying about meeting new girls. But is it rude of him to keep changing, or is rude for me to not just call up the caterer and say "one more"?

Celles

Rude of him.  He can accept the invitation graciously or he can decline graciously.  There is no third option.  (See what I did there?)

Attempting to finagle an invite for his current flavor of the week and changing his own RSVP at the last minute = rude, IMO.

TTiger03

If he comes, is he going to spend your whole wedding pestering your single female guests?  Is it going to annoy you that you let him get to you like that? 

It was certainly rude of him to offer up suggestions on how you might adjust your guest list.... sharing a plate or not eating wouldn't make him look bad now would it?

I say just be honest and tell him you are sorry and will miss him, but you had a deadline for the caterer and have already turned in your final count.  -- Honestly, the caterer usually plans for a percent above your count in case someone who said no shows up, but he doesn't need to know that.

I think you are better without him.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

No, he's being the rude douche.  Not you.

mica178

His behavior is a little annoying.  Sorry, dude, but it's too late to adjust the numbers for the caterers.

LP11509

I would also just tell him that the final head count is already in and you're sorry. 

But I know how much this sucks. I had a friend who originally was only going to come to the ceremony.  Then she said she and her husband can both make it to the reception as well.  Then two days later, she said that she was coming to the reception, but not her husband.  Then the day before the wedding, she said she and her husband are both only coming to the ceremony.  I was pissed because I had included them both in the final head count and we had to pay for both of their meals anyway.  Looking back, I wish I had just told her "no" after she changed her mind the 2nd time.

Oh, and she decided that 15 minutes before the ceremony would be the perfect time to barge into the room I was getting ready in at the church and "catch up", since she wouldn't see me at the reception.  Um, no. 

baystateapple

Sheesh.  No.  Tell him the truth, you've sent in your final numbers and it's too late.

squirrly

I'd tell him you've had to give the caterer numbers already, and you won't be able to accommodate him. 

Audrey&Austin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-keeps-changing-mind-wedding-saturday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:78d06124-78c4-4b52-94ed-0b56c82b27a9Post:0a013afb-3f97-424e-b547-38bc72e0a331">Re: Guest Keeps Changing Mind - Wedding on Saturday!</a>:
[QUOTE]No, he's being the rude douche.  Not you.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. Don't worry about it.

morganthompson

Whew! ... I just called and told him what was up. He wasn't pleased, but what is he going to do? We don't speak that often, so it's not like he can stop talking to me (he only rekindled the friendship after the engagement, so I'm pretty sure he was just looking for an invite all along). I'm glad he's out, now I can focus on the bigger things I need to do for the big day. Thank you all so much for your advice and support!! I really appreciate it.

JennaV26

I'm glad you told him he couldn't come. You don't want to waste precious Wedding Day Time on someone like that!