No Kids Invited polite disclosure?

shewgirl

How do I politely put on our wedding web site that we do not want any children at our wedding? 

I have read the other posts that speak to the address labels on invitations; however, I am more specifically asking for the word of mouth and web site phrasing.  Please help!  Thank you!

classyashley918

We put a "childcare" section on our website that says something to the extent of "we want all of our adult guest to be able to enjoy our wedding. Should you need childcare during the wedding, please contact us and we will assist you in making arrangements." We don't say adults  only but I think that covers it and we are definitely willing to help for childcare... I also reached out to my friends with babies to ask what they would like us to do in terms of providing childcare staff...

Amyzen83

I like what the ladies above said, only I wouldn't discuss budget with your guests nor use that as the reason the children are not invited, for two reasons: 1) Your budget is nobody's business except you, groom and whoever is helping in the financial aspect of the wedding. 2) Guests may use it as a bargaining chip for allowing their child to come to your wedding. Stand firm in your choice. Or guest may try to twist things so it sounds like you put $$ over their kid. Although it may be true, no parent would want to hear that.

I wouldn't only rely on others to spread the word, if you are that worried about children being there, I like the baby-sitter idea. Or just mention your concerns directly to guests you are close with ex: Guest: I noticed only my names and Jims names are listed on the invitation, would it be alright if little Justin tags along?

You: I'm sorry, we did take little Justin into consideration when planning our guest list, but we decided that it would be best to have only adults at the ceremony and reception.

MrsMuq

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:7ff55184-a151-4806-b6a9-986ffec856e9">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]We put a "childcare" section on our website that says something to the extent of "we want all of our adult guest to be able to enjoy our wedding. Should you need childcare during the wedding, please contact us and we will assist you in making arrangements." We don't say adults  only but I think that covers it and we are definitely willing to help for childcare...<strong> I also reached out to my friends with babies to ask what they would like us to do in terms of providing childcare staff...</strong>
Posted by classyashley918[/QUOTE]

If you told me I couldn't have my baby (read, baby= child under 24 months) with me at your wedding, I wouldn't be attending.

It's presumptuous and rude to assume a) parents will have a better time if their kids aren't around, and b) that all parents can afford childcare for your wedding.

banana468

In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?:We put a "childcare" section on our website that says something to the extent of "we want all of our adult guest to be able to enjoy our wedding. Should you need childcare during the wedding, please contact us and we will assist you in making arrangements." We don't say adultsnbsp; only but I think that covers it and we are definitely willing to help for childcare... I also reached out to my friends with babies to ask what they would like us to do in terms of providing childcare staff...Posted by classyashley918If you told me I couldn't have my baby read, baby child under 24 months with me at your wedding, I wouldn't be attending.It's presumptuous and rude to assume a parents will have a better time if their kids aren't around, and b that all parents can afford childcare for your wedding. Posted by MrsMuq[/QUOTE]

It's also presumptuous and rude to believe your child is supposed to be included as an invited guest at every event that you are invited to attend.

And classifying a baby as a child under 24 mos is ridiculous.

Pookieson

You don't have to invite children, it isn't rude.  If your guests don't want to leave their children, they won't.  You just spread it word of mouth.  Do not post anything anywhere in regards to children not being invited.  If you choose to have childcare, I'd spread that word of mouth also. Also, a baby is not any child under 24 months, just FYI.

classyashley918

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:e3764f49-735f-40bc-87cd-ce1140d91cc5">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : If you told me I couldn't have my baby (read, baby= child under 24 months) with me at your wedding, I wouldn't be attending. It's presumptuous and rude to assume a) parents will have a better time if their kids aren't around, and b) that all parents can afford childcare for your wedding.
Posted by MrsMuq[/QUOTE]

To clarify, when I say we will "help" I mean we will arrange and <u>pay for</u> childcare. My friends whose babies will be around 2 for my wedding were appreciative I reached out and said that they will most likely leave the babes with the grandparents for the wedding. Our wedding is a black tie affair that starts at 7pm. The babies aren't coming to that, no way no how. I'm making an exception for a 17 year old but other than her. Nope.

NantucketBride12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:e3764f49-735f-40bc-87cd-ce1140d91cc5">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : If you told me I couldn't have my baby (read, baby= child under 24 months) with me at your wedding, I wouldn't be attending. It's presumptuous and rude to assume a) parents will have a better time if their kids aren't around, and b) that all parents can afford childcare for your wedding.
Posted by MrsMuq[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.  It rubs me the wrong way when people act as though my children are a burden to me if they are present.</div>

NantucketBride12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:6772addc-e175-45ec-9027-cc5156ebbdab">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : I agree.  It rubs me the wrong way when people act as though my children are a burden to me if they are present.
Posted by NantucketBride12[/QUOTE]

<div>However, I don't think "no children" weddings are inappropriate.  I think it's the right of the couple to invite whomever they choose.  I just didn't like the wording that insinuated adult guests can only have a good time if their kids are with a sitter.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm overly sensitive tonight.</div>

STARMOON44

You politely disclose this when a.) people ask, or b.) people RSVP for un-invited children.  It isn't rude to tell them then, sorry, we're not inviting children.  It is rude to assume they will be rude enough to try and bring uninvited guests.

And I don't think it's "presumptuous" to not invite children because it assumes you can afford a babysiter.  It assumes that you will decide for yourself if they wedding fits in your budget, just like someone might not attend a black tie wedding if they can't afford a tux, or a destination wedding if they can't afford the travel.

TKzilla

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:41236b36-495e-4721-a33d-b4a8218db04e">Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?: And that would be your choice not o attend, but it doesn't make it rude for her not to invite your baby. Kids aren't welcome everywhere and you might as well get used to that now.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>I work with kids 50-60 hours a week. When FI and I went to see Les Mis, someone brought their toddler. To an 8:30pm showing. Thankfully they left when the kid began squealing loudly 20 minutes into the movie. I was seething. You may think your child is a perfect little angel and will be perfectly well behaved at any and every social outing, but realistically no. As the host, the couple can choose not to invite children. As the guest, it is up to you to decide if you want to attend the event sans kids or stay home.</div>

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:2ec38cf5-c02c-4316-8f8a-7398c72194f7">Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : This. I work with kids 50-60 hours a week. When FI and I went to see Les Mis, someone brought their toddler. To an 8:30pm showing. Thankfully they left when the kid began squealing loudly 20 minutes into the movie. I was seething. You may think your child is a perfect little angel and will be perfectly well behaved at any and every social outing, but realistically no. As the host, the couple can choose not to invite children. As the guest, it is up to you to decide if you want to attend the event sans kids or stay home.
Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

Ditto Stage and Courtania.

I of course did follow proper etiquette and still having an issue, but, I digress.  We simply said we were not accomodating children when we were asked about whether sally, jimmy or susie were invited.  Do we have a couple or two that won't be able to join?  Yes. 
We will just celebrate with them some other time I am sure.

pearls687

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:41236b36-495e-4721-a33d-b4a8218db04e">Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?: And that would be your choice not o attend, but it doesn't make it rude for her not to invite your baby.<strong> Kids aren't welcome everywhere and you might as well get used to that now.
</strong>Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


This.


I've never understood why some people take a couple's choice to have an adult affair as a personal affront.  *scratches head* 

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:f0cda5b8-03f7-4806-abc5-6a6accd729da">Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : This. I've never understood why some people take a couple's choice to have an adult affair as a personal affront.  *scratches head* 
Posted by pearls687[/QUOTE]
Nor have I. It's not saying they don't LIKE your kid; it's just saying they want the event to be kid-free. If someone hosts an event, they have every right to choose the guest list and have the kind of event they want, and those guests have every right to decline to attend if they can't bring their kids. Nobody needs to take it personally and get all indignant about it. 

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:42b61f1c-3746-4cb2-896b-14ca7a0881e4">Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : Nor have I. It's not saying they don't LIKE your kid; it's just saying they want the event to be kid-free. If someone hosts an event, they have every right to choose the guest list and have the kind of event they want, and those guests have every right to decline to attend if they can't bring their kids. Nobody needs to take it personally and get all indignant about it. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I am so super tempted to copy and paste all of the posts about "no kids" and send them to my FBIL and FSIL.  (I like to dream a lot).

ladytori

Put whoever is invited on the response card and the invitation envelope. Let's say Mr. and Mrs. John Doe have 5 kids, and you only want to invite the adults, try this:

We have reserved 2 seats for Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe.
Mrs. Jane Doe _____ accepts        ________regrets
Mr. John Doe _____ accepts        ________regrets


The above message is a much nicer way of saying "no kids" or "adults only".

ladytori

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:6772addc-e175-45ec-9027-cc5156ebbdab">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : I agree.  It rubs me the wrong way when people act as though my children are a burden to me if they are present.
Posted by NantucketBride12[/QUOTE]

I don't have children, and there are times, when I'm not invited to kid's birthday party because I don't have a child. I'm okay with it.

There are some events that are for kids (and their parents) and other events are for adults only and some events are for both (people who have and don't have kids). It is up to the host and/or hostess to make that decision.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:e3764f49-735f-40bc-87cd-ce1140d91cc5">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : If you told me I couldn't have my baby (read, baby= child under 24 months) with me at your wedding, I wouldn't be attending. It's presumptuous and rude to assume a) parents will have a better time if their kids aren't around, and b) that all parents can afford childcare for your wedding.
Posted by MrsMuq[/QUOTE]

So sorry to hear you can't make it. Let's go out sometime when we get back from our honeymoon!

We are having an adults-only affair and it is pretty much exactly that age group that came to mind when we decided this (well, not small babies, but definitely 12 months-3 years). This is just one night in everyone's life, and if you can't come without your kid, we'll see you another time. No big deal. We love you, we love your kids, but this event is really catered toward adult guests. You can't assume your kids will be invited everywhere and take offense if someone has a 6 hour event where they are not involved.

Amyzen83

 "It's not saying they don't LIKE your kid; it's just saying they want the event to be kid-free. If someone hosts an event, they have every right to choose the guest list and have the kind of event they want, and those guests have every right to decline to attend if they can't bring their kids. Nobody needs to take it personally and get all indignant about it. "

I agree! Also I'd like to think of it this way, there are some adult relatives or friends that you are unable to accomodate because you aren't close enough or whatever, and most of the time they don't take offense because they understand your situation. Children are no different. Bride and Groom have the right to decide who they want at their wedding and who they don't. If they can't accomodate the little ones, that's their decision. 

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:e3764f49-735f-40bc-87cd-ce1140d91cc5">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : If you told me I couldn't have my baby (read, baby= child under 24 months) with me at your wedding, I wouldn't be attending. It's presumptuous and rude to assume a) parents will have a better time if their kids aren't around, and b) that all parents can afford childcare for your wedding.
Posted by MrsMuq[/QUOTE]

On the flipside though, if I know there are going to be a lot little kids at a wedding, I wouldn't want to go. I probably would go but definitely would have had a better time if the rugrats were left at home.

Many adults don't want to be around romper room all the time... especially at a wedding.

Amyzen83

I hear you on that one! I want kids at my wedding but I don't want the ratio to be # of kids greater than my adult friends and family

tmw7278

This subject is very touchy with everone on the boards.
I did not follow etiquette and did put "Adult Reception" on the bottom of my reception cards.
That was my preferance so before I get flamed for doing so-my wedding I can do that LOL.
Even having this on there I have had people calling me asking if it was kid friendly.
So do what you think is best. I understand some wont be able to make it b/c of this and thats fine I wont be hurt at all. The majority of my WP and friends are drinkers, 5 hours open bar I dont want to worry about kids getting tripped over or hurt.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-kids-invited-polite-disclosure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:79178b7e-3ec9-4b26-8ca9-73c8d752abe9Post:0afa76c0-bdd0-45ea-9bd3-81e5443d9057">Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Kids Invited polite disclosure? : On the flipside though, if I know there are going to be a lot little kids at a wedding, I wouldn't want to go. I probably would go but definitely would have had a better time if the rugrats were left at home. Many adults don't want to be around romper room all the time... especially at a wedding.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]
 
THIS.

Not everyone loves spending time with kids. If we are paying for and hosting an event, we should be able to pick the guest list. We spend a lot of time with our friends' kids, and based on those times, we decided they won't fit in at our wedding. If we had a 50 year old uncle who randomly screamed, threw things, threw tantrums, and interrupted every sentence, we wouldn't invite him either.

banana468

In Response to Re:No Kids Invited polite disclosure?:[QUOTE]This subject is very touchy with everone on the boards.I did not follow etiquette and did put "Adult Reception" on the bottom of my reception cards.That was my preferance so before I get flamed for doing somy wedding I can do that LOL.Even having this on there I have had people calling me asking if it was kid friendly.So do what you think is best. I understand some wont be able to make it b/c of this and thats fine I wont be hurt at all. The majority of my WP and friends are drinkers, 5 hours open bar I dont want to worry about kids getting tripped over or hurt. Posted by tmw7278[/QUOTE]


Of corse you can do what you want. That hardly exempts you from flaming if you opted to not follow proper etiquette.

I'm all for adults only weddings but FFS please don't use the alcohol party line. My own wedding had kids, six hours of open bar and no one injured a child.