Wedding Etiquette Forum

invites to people that we know won't attend.

happy monday all...
we're having a fairly small wedding in las vegas and there are a number of older relatives that we know aren't going to be able to attend.  i'm struggling with what to do regarding invites. 
part of me doesn't want to invite them because it would seem like asking for a gift and we really don't want gifts.  really, we don't.
the other part of me was thinking that if they found out that i got married and they weren't invited, they might be upset. 
i was thinking that i could send a note with it that said something along the lines of 'i know you won't be able to attend, but i wanted you to have this anyway.'  but if i got that, i would still send a gift.  well, lets be honest, no matter what someone says, unless i really, really don't like them, if i get an invite, they get a gift.
how would you handle? 

Re: invites to people that we know won't attend.

  • Invite them and they can decide for themselves if they can't go.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
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    Do you want them to be there if they ARE able to attend?  If so, then send them an inviation.  If you want something small and don't want guests, then you can send out Wedding Announcements after the fact.  I did this for my first wedding. 

    I don't think sending an invitation looks like you're tryig to get gifts.  Personally, I only buy a gift if I actually attend the wedding...but I guess if it was a really close relative and I couldn't make it to the wedding, I would probably buy a gift. 

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  • it's one of those things where i'm 99.99% certain that they won't attend.  they're my older relatives (including grandma) that live in PA but no longer travel.  they didn't come to my first wedding when it was within driving distance -- they're definitely not going to get on a plane to go somewhere for a weddding.

    i wasn't planning on doing announcements, but i guess maybe this would be a good situation for one?

  • An invitation is not a subpoena for attendance or a gift. It is a genuine sentiment that you would love to share an event with the invitee. Send them an invitation if you would genuinely want them to be there. Let them decide if they are able to make it or not. Presuming that they can't is rude. 
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  • if you would like them to be there, send them an invitation. we are sending invites to people whom we know will not attend, but we still want them to know that we would love to have them there. i don't think it's being gift grabby at all!! 
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  • Definitely send invites if you would want them to attend. It's rude to assume they can't and not send an invite because of that. I would not include a note about them not being able to come as that kind of makes it sound like you don't want them there. Its up to them if they want to send a gift or not. 
  • You always invite people you WANT to come, regardless of circumstances. An invitation is only an invitation - not a demand that they come, not a request for gifts.

    I have a great-great aunt who just turned 93 last week. She was obviously not able to travel 2500 miles to my wedding, but she was ecstatic to receive an invitation and I sent her wedding pictures afterward. We also sent one to my husband's grandmother who unfortunately passed away a few weeks before our wedding, but at least she got to see the invitation.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invites-people-wont-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:792cbd69-ad32-443d-bb37-13a9ea6264ffPost:2a49bf15-6fbc-4cad-a26f-1151fba1681d">Re: invites to people that we know won't attend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>An invitation is not a subpoena for attendance or a gift.</strong> It is a genuine sentiment that you would love to share an event with the invitee. Send them an invitation if you would genuinely want them to be there. Let them decide if they are able to make it or not. Presuming that they can't is rude. 
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    <div>I like this. </div>
  • I always feel like wedding announcements look more gift grabby than invites... at least with the invite you're telling the person that you'd like to see them.
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