Hi everyone, I hoping that you can give me some advice on a situation with my friend. Sorry that this is going to be a bit long...I'll shorten it as much as I can:
About 2 weeks ago my friend "M" asked me to be the matron of honor in her upcoming wedding in July. Under normal circumstances this would be such a honor and would be the opportunity for me to do all that "M" had done as the maid of honor in my own wedding last year. When she asked me to be the MOH in her wedding she explained that her bridal party would also be made up of her closest brother (kinda like a bride's best guy), an additional maid of honor, and a bridesmaid. As "M" put it, my role would be the primary role and I would be the one organizing and overseeing everything. I think that she did this partly because I have gotten married so recently and know what the role of MOH is all about and partly because the other MOH is not entirely responsible.
Here's where the problem comes in... my mom is ill, I mean really really ill. She was diagnosed with cancer last year and in the past year her health has declined significantly. It is to the point where I am spending any time that I am not a work at the hospital by her side. To say that I am going through a difficult time in my life is an understatement. The act of juggling a demanding career, being a daughter, a sister and a wife is more than I can handled at this point. I have even recently resigned from an additional position at my job to try to relieve some of the pressure and stress in the other areas of my life. "M" knows what is going on, but I don't think she really understands the pressure that I am under minus the duties of her wedding. She has been putting a lot of pressure on me to spend some time with her (going for walks, shopping, etc.) but doesn't realize that I literally do not have the time to do so right now. "M" even made the comment the other day, when she dropped by my house unexpectedly as I was going to bed, that she understands what I am going through because her grandmother passed away a few years ago. This comment really threw me off and proved to me that she really doesn't get what I am going through. I, too, have lost a grandmother and this is nothing like that experience.
I want "M" to have an amazing wedding. She truly deserves it and I am so happy for her, but I do not think that I can fulfill the true role of what a MOH is supposed to be. The idea of planning a shower that should happen next month, and a bachelorette party, etc. brings me to tears. What do you think I should do? Would it be best for me to bow out? How do I tell her that I really really cannot handle any additional stress without downplaying the importance of her own event? TIA