Wedding Etiquette Forum

What a week. What do I do now?

So I usually just lurk on the boards here, but this week has sucked to say the least (with regard to wedding stuff anyways).  In the past week, my caterer (family friend) has developed blood clots in her lungs, the priest has been put on administrative leave (long story, but it doesn't surprise me), and my wedding dress came in and I don't really like it anymore.  I also found out that my grandparents (who live in Arizona) will likely not be able to come to the wedding due to my grandfather's health problems (we planned the wedding so they would already be in Wisconsin and wouldn't have to make a special trip up for it), and then I get a call from one of my best friends who is a bridesmaid in the wedding.  She backed out due to a new job in New Zealand!  I'm certainly not mad at her, as she's from NZ and needs the money to pay back school loans and fix up the house that she owns there.  I'm happy that she's putting her family first, but also at a loss of what to do with one of my best friends literally moving around the world. 

So I guess I don't know what to even do with myself right now!  Do I find another bridesmaid, or is that tacky since all of my somewhat close friends/family know that I've had everything figured out for the last 4 months?  I don't want to make anyone feel like they're a "second choice" bridesmaid...

Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.

Re: What a week. What do I do now?

  • Don't replace your bridesmaid.  You can still list her as a bridesmaid in the program if you want - it's more about the honor of who you want with you on your wedding day.

    And I'm sorry to hear that you've had so many obstacles come your way recently.  I hope your grandfather and caterer are able to heal and join you for the festivities.
  • Honestly? I'd enjoy the upcoming holidays and worry about all of this in a couple of weeks. By then everything that's happened will seem much more manageable.

    Ditto Drama, don't replace the BM. I'm sorry you've had such a rough week.
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  • I agree with MK on this one.
  • What a bad week.  Don't replace her.  Like PP said, you can still list her on the program if you have one since she had a very good reason to have to step down.  I'm sorry about your grandparents. :(  Surely you can find another pastor and catering if it comes to all that. 

    Good luck!  Remember no matter what happens, it is your one day, so have fun!
  • Don't pull another BM off the bench to fill in.  It doesn't matter if the sides are even, and as PPs said, you can still list her as an attendant in the program if you want to.

    Sorry you've had such a rough week.  Take a step back, take a deep breath, and focus on something (anything) positive.  Things will bet better.
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  • I would suggest that you pretend that you are your own wedding coordinator.

    CATERER:  Your wedding coordinator would not personally know that caterer, and would simply call and find out what other caterer will be taking over the sick caterer's contracts.  So make the call, and then schedule a meeting with the new caterer to go over the contract details.

    PRIEST:  Your wedding coordinator would not personally know that priest, and would simply call and find out who the church is having take over that priest's assignments.  So make the call, and then schedule a meeting with the new priest.

    DRESS:  Did you pick it up yet?  If not, schedule a meeting with the bridal store's alterations lady, then take the NZ ex-bridesmaid and go to the store.  That way, you and NZ have a chance to do at least SOMETHING wedding-related before she has to leave, and being that she's changing up her life totally, she will have fresh eyes to look at your dress on you.  Tell her that you want her to talk to the alterations lady and the store salesperson to bring to you some things that can change up the look of the dress now - like bring three different veils to you and see how that can change the total look.  Like bring a champagne-colored (or some other color) sash to put around your waist.  Like add a little tulle sleeve on one side.  Like add a little bolero jacket of some kind, etc.

    FIANCE:  You didn't mention him, but if I were you, I'd rent a movie and pop some popcorn and just snuggle with him and reconnect to the real foundation of your relationship - and reconfirm that with the two of you together, you can move through challenging situations with confidence and success.
  • I wouldn't replace the BM, but I would list her in the program.  Then make the most of the time you have left with her before she leaves.   I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents.  Hopefully their health will turn around.

    As for the caterer, priest and dress, I'd tackle them each in turn.  And this point, worry about it after the holidays.  The caterer must be figuring something out for someone to help out.  Ditto at the church.  As for the dress, figure out what you don't like about it and see if you can fix that.  There are amazing things you can do with alterations.

    Good luck!
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