Wedding Etiquette Forum

wierd gift etiquette question... (kind of long)

So a few weeks ago I posted something about a guy from high school emailing me asking for my paypal address so he could send me a gift. That in itself was odd since I havent seen him in about 14 years and he's not on the invite list, but I gave it to him anyway and he ended up sending me a very generous cash gift via paypal.  He sent me an email on facebook saying "check your paypal and let me know if you got something from me".  I did and sent him a nice email thank you (with plans to send him a formal one after the wedding).  So after that money had cleared in the account, I sent it to my savings account where I'm keeping extra wedding money (since the wedding isnt until October I want it untouched).  A few days later he emails me saying that his credit card was compromised and paypal reversed the payment.  however, by that time, the money was already transferred to my savings which means my paypal was now Negative money.  He emailed me an apology and said he was resending the money and it would be there in a day or so.  After a few days I noticed nothing had changed.  So, as Tacky as it is, I emailed him saying "I'm so sorry to even have to email this to you, but I checked my paypal and there is no change.  I just wanted to let you know since your credit card had some issues last week, hopefully there's still not something going on"  (meaning the money hadnt gone through).  Trust me, that is totally fine, it was completely an unexpected gift and if he decided he couldnt afford it I would understand.  So, he never got back to me and it's been about 5 days now and my paypal is overdrawn for about a week.  I'm in the process of transferring the money back to paypal and just be done with it. 

However, I dont know if he actually did try to send money again and it didnt go through.  I'm completely fine with letting it go (even though this Whole thing is so freaking wierd!!)... I just dont want him to think I'm ungrateful when "thank you" time comes around and I dont send one to him since technically I never received a gift.

Thoughts?? 
~Alissa & Frank 10.9.10~

Re: wierd gift etiquette question... (kind of long)

  • This sounds weird and scamy to me.  How can your paypal account be overdrawn?  What will happen if you transfer that money back to your paypal account?  Does it go back to him?
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  • I'm pretty sure he would have had to initiate the fraud request with PayPal.  I'd just xfer the money back and not worry about it.
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  • That...sounds like a scam. 
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  • I suggest you contact Paypal directly and explain what happened and ask for direction.   
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  • Well he was emailing me via facebook, so I know it was him.  He already has his money back when paypal reversed the money.  When I get the money transferred back it just goes to paypal to clear up the negative balance. 

    I dont want to hound him about it because that's so tacky.  honestly, I'm thinking his wife found out about the gift and got pissed at him.  LOL  ... so he made up a story about the credit card scam.
    ~Alissa & Frank 10.9.10~
  • I think..

    1) I agree with danieliza, contact pay pal, explain the situation and maybe they can assist you.  you may want to close that specific account and open a new one.

    2) If you feel inclined to send another thank you, maybe word it a little differently than you would have normally..."thank you for your thoughfulness..it was very appreciated"  short and sweet.  But I don't think it would be necessary. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wierd-gift-etiquette-question-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a21d3d0-f401-495a-9baa-a08e5cc22afaPost:0024717a-75db-47ed-b6e3-df3732303806">Re: wierd gift etiquette question... (kind of long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well he was emailing me via facebook, so I know it was him.  He already has his money back when paypal reversed the money.  When I get the money transferred back it just goes to paypal to clear up the negative balance.
    Posted by lissypooh628[/QUOTE]

    Oh well in that case, just transfer the exact amount back and be done with it.  I wouldn't contact him again and I wouldn't send a thank you note.
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  • I would definitely contact Paypal--that sounds sketchy.  Even if someone didn't hack his email, are you sure this guy you haven't seen in years isn't a con artist?
  • There are so many scams out there nowadays. I personally would contact Paypal and ask for direction. Plus if you have them involved, and it is a scam they are aware and take appropriate action.
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  • I agree that I would contact paypal.  Sounds like a scam to me.

    If you don't mind me asking, how much was his generous gift?  Just curious because if it was an extremely large amount, I'm thinking scam even more.
  • The gift was for $150 (pretty generous for someone I havent seen in 14 years). Hmm I didn't think about his FB  being hacked... now that's creepy!  I will contact paypal.  ugh.

    I appreciate the input!

    ~Alissa & Frank 10.9.10~
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